We blog when we are....

April 7, 2008 at 6:08 AM

Well, many of us keep a blog to express how we feel at a certain moment. Right now, I don't know if I'm more sad or more frustrated. I just finished my first recital. It is my first time ever performing in front of public, let alone, performing with a bunch of kids in front of their parents, whom some maybe younger than me!

I felt quite good about the piece I played. No, it was not my best. I was nervous, my bow shaked and bounced a bit. I forgot everything about dynamics. A few notes were out of tune. I didn't want any pressure so I didn't invite anyone to come. I did recorded it for my husband to listen.

He commented that I was out of tune at 5-6 spots. And the entire night, he kept jokingly said he can't believe I was out of tune and that when I practice at home, it didn't happen as much. I went from being quite happy about the recital to very frustrated. I tried hard to learn it. And for God's sake, I've only been playing for 3 months. In the year 2007, I did not know that the violin has 4 strings, I have never heard of the word rosin. Is it that bad that I'm slightly out of tune in a few places because I was nervous? I don't think he understands that this hurts people's feeling. I told him honestly how I felt, and he said, then next time I won't make anymore comments on how you play. Boys are jerks sometimes.

From Pauline Lerner
Posted on April 7, 2008 at 6:42 AM

I think you're very brave to play in a recital after studying violin for only three months. I bet you played well for a three-monther, too.

From Benjamin K
Posted on April 7, 2008 at 10:32 AM

Don't let him wind you up. Being out of tune during your first recital is nothing to be upset or embarrassed about. It does not even indicate your skill or lack of skill. All it means is that you were nervous.

You could be playing as well as Heifetz and still make lots of mistakes as a result of being nervous. Or put in another way, imagine you speak about something for the first time in front of a public audience, something you know extremely well, something you have been doing for years. And despite that, if it was the first time you speak before an audience, you'd still be so nervous that it would have a significant impact on your presentation.

The only way to get over this nervousness is to be in the situation so often that it becomes a routine experience. That's why you do the recitals in the first place. It's an exercise, a very special kind of exercise but an exercise nevertheless.

Besides, wasn't it a good experience until your husband wound you up? Well, if it felt good until then, it was a good experience. That's all that matters.

From al ku
Posted on April 7, 2008 at 10:52 AM

someone is going to sleep on the couch until he buys some nice flowers!:)

From Karen Allendoerfer
Posted on April 7, 2008 at 11:07 AM

The attitudes of family members, especially ones who don't play the instrument themselves, can be some of the hardest to deal with. Sometimes I've handed them my instrument and suggested they try it--that usually shuts them up!

Congratulations on your first recital! I think a few out-of-tune notes are normal and to be expected for a nervous beginner. I believe that experience and practice performing are the best--really only-- ways to overcome that, and you're on your way.

From Bonnie Tindle
Posted on April 7, 2008 at 3:50 PM

Honesty is a blessing. My husband says I sound good whether I do or not. I know he's trying to be kind, but like they say... only a good friend will tell you when you have spinach between your teeth. :) Keep up the practice, nobody sounds flawless this early into things. And when your hubby does give you a good review you'll know it's genuine.

Putting yourself out there is never easy, but it gets better.

From Bernadette Hawes
Posted on April 7, 2008 at 7:26 PM

Your experience is almost a mirror image of my own, except that by the time of my first recital I had been playing for six or seven months. I had learned what seemed a lengthy piece for me, I had passed my end of year exam with it and got top marks. I was nervous but I thought I got through it reasonably well, I didn't forget anything and my friends who came said I did really well. Then, yes, wait for it: honest husband. "I thought you played some of it out of tune a bit". Well I just crashed. Peaks and very LOW troughs. Somehow what he said really mattered and it really crushed me. Took all the sparkle out of the top exam grade and everything else. Made me wonder were my examiners being dishonest in awarding that grade.
There came a time later when by and by I did ask my teacher about the grade etc
She said it was deserved. Some mistakes are allowed, and nervousness is accounted for. She knew how I played from the lessons.
As an adult it may well be that the first thing you hear is what didn't go so well, rather than 'well done, you did such and such really well'.
Please give yourself grace, you have not been playing long, you are making good progress and nervousness eases the more exposure you get to playing in public. I'm a very nervous person, yet the third time I ever played in public was much, much easier.
Seek feedback from your teacher before asking others perhaps, as your teacher will have had experience of beginners playing in public and of how people do given time and more exposure to recitals.
Well done for getting through it! That's quite a hurdle already!

From Emily Grossman
Posted on April 8, 2008 at 9:12 AM

Mistakes or not, you are improving your character by putting yourself on the line like that and playing in front of an audience. It's hard, isn't it?

Unless your husband has been in your shoes, he will not understand. (If he's being a good husband, he'll at least try, though.) And you will grow even more if you can extend him some grace and forgive him for not understanding.

From Kim Vawter
Posted on April 8, 2008 at 1:49 PM

I had to light candles, turn off the phone and close the lid on my computer when I practiced at home.
I used to practice in a darkened sound proof studio off the library after work.
Once when the windows were opened when I was practicing the horse next door whinnied so loud that I had to shut the window.
One little negative comment from a two or four legged warm beast would upset me so much. I am aware of how awful I sound. I joke about issuing ear plugs at my front door.
Recital! You are so brave. Bravo to you--it does get better. I know. I was there. I have past the 3rd year mark. I have played in public only 3 times-once it was recorded and played back to a gathering. Does that count?

From Laurie Niles
Posted on April 8, 2008 at 3:28 PM

maybe his feelings were hurt more than you think, when you didn't want him to come to your recital..

From Drew Lecher
Posted on April 8, 2008 at 3:59 PM

Recordings put a more obvious glare on faults in the tone and intonation.

If you did a video, it would allow an additional learning experience — watch it without the sound and study your movements; listen without watching and try to hear where the problem actually began (perhaps a string crossing or the bow went ahead or behind, et.); THEN you must listen and find 3 spots you really liked — THOSE are what you duplicate more and more.

It is just filtering out the bad and developing the good!

Brava!!!
D.

From Stephen Brivati
Posted on April 9, 2008 at 1:49 AM

Greetings,
your blog made me feel a little sad in many ways.
There is a thread on at the moment about if the violin is spiritual and so on. In one sense it is: it is a vehicle for personal growth. For realising more deeply why you exist at all. Most people don`t grow very much past a certain point in their life, just more of the same old loops and routines. So if one breaks free from this cycle and begins to grow it often occurs that the people closest to your are unable to grow with you and at some level try to drag you back down again to restore the status quo. The changes and effects on a relationship can be extraordinarily significant and far reaching.
It was great that you were able to tell your husband how you felt but I actually think you fell short when you allowed the situation to deteriorate into `Okay. I won`t comment next time.` That`s burying the problem more deeply. I think you could have followed up yur expresison of hurt by telling your husband that you really want his support as a partner so you would be very grateful if he looked for and complimented you on the good things you did next time. With this kind of approach you both might even beginlooking at how you interact together in a broader sense. The violin is about love not negativity.
Cheers,
Buri.

From PM Rolf
Posted on April 9, 2008 at 4:21 AM

I want to thank everyone for your support! I woke up the next day and was not mad at my husband anymore. And he is back to his critical comments, and I took Buri's advice, "maybe next time if you want to tell me something bad, tell me something good as well!", he laughed.
And even though he said "fine, won't comment anymore", he still comments everyday. :P But now, instead of just saying, "you're out of tune", he'll say, "I notice that your D and G are sometimes a bit flat", more specifics. :P

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