Am I Really Cut Out for This?

June 30, 2008 at 5:08 PM

Ok, first of all, I found this site in a google search for how to play double stops/octaves easier. i was amazed, and immediately joined. I learned a lot about octaves, and about a lot more too.

I began thinking, though, that maybe this would be a good place to get some advice. I'm going to be a sophomore at Arizona State University as a violin performance major. Now, first off, a lot of people think ASU is a joke, cause it's supposed to be a huge 'party school'. well, if you wanna party, you're gonna find a party. if you want to seriously study the violin, you can do that too. which is what i've been doing.

However, this summer, i have totally slacked off. i mean, i play my violin every couple of days, and more recently, every day. but i have to force myself to do it. that has never been a problem before. I just like being a normal person, you know? i love to just wake up, go to the gym, go shopping or to lunch with friends/family, and do whatever else strikes my mood. Im just worried that if i don't have motivation now, when i'm not surrounded by music and other musicians and by people motivating me to practice, am i really cut out to do this for a living?

Not to mention the fact that I have only emailed my violin professor once this summer, and that was this morning.... she wanted updates from me on my summer and practicing and everything. but i haven't emailed her, cause everything i have to tell anyone is not professional. she's always stressing being professional. so what am i supposed to tell her about my summer? i can't tell her about living at my dad's and how i miss my mom but i think she's crazy... i definitely can't tell her that i'm having a great time here without her on my case all the time about practicing....but i CAN tell her that yeah, i practice every couple of days. and i'm working a lot.

so that's what i did. lame, i know.

i don't know who actually reads this stuff, or whether it will get a lot of traffic, but maybe someone can help me out. let me know if this whole situation with my teacher and not practicing and wanting to be a 'normal' person' is a common thing or not.

From Bonny Buckley
Posted on June 30, 2008 at 6:23 PM

I like your blog. And I heard ASU's orchestra play a few years ago at ASTA's convention in Reno, backing Regina Carter. They were great! I would encourage you to find what you love to play and stay with that, at least, in practicing this summer. You can still do the normal stuff and keep up the fiddle. Best wishes!

From Tom Holzman
Posted on June 30, 2008 at 6:45 PM

One thing that strikes me as a parent in reading your blog: you appear to be in a family where there are significant problems (divorce, mother with emotional/mental issues requiring medication). These things are tough to deal with. Your reaction to this - having trouble practicing - may indicate that you are depressed. This would not be an abnormal reaction but you may want to consider taking some steps to deal with it. There may also be problems living with your father that are difficult to deal with. Anyhow, if my impression is correct, you need to look at your situation and it issues and talk to people who can help you. Good luck!

From Karen Allendoerfer
Posted on June 30, 2008 at 6:52 PM

I think Tom's got a very good point. These family issues may be distracting you--how could they not? I'm older than you but I have some similar issues with my mother. Unfortunately they don't necessarily go away :(

One thing I'd suggest is to be up front with your teacher that you are having some family issues that you have to deal with. No need to go into all the specifics, but if your teacher is good and you have a good relationship, she should be willing to hear you out to the extent that she won't get on your case about not practicing temporarily while you are dealing with some serious family medical issues.

Then, be proactive and see if you can define some steps you can take to help your mom and/or yourself. Can/should you visit your mom for a weekend? Some daily check-ins by phone? Does she have someone local to her who you can check in with and either get reassurance and/or give advice?

Then, once you feel you've done all you reasonably can, try to use music/practicing as a distraction from that situation. Work on technical stuff to occupy your mind with something constructive. If you are feeling pain or grief, put it in the music and see what comes out.

From Ruth Kuefler
Posted on June 30, 2008 at 7:41 PM

Hey Terra - remember me from Sound Encounters? It's been a while . . good to hear from you.

I just want to second Tom and Karen in saying that emotional/relationship issues definitely have an impact on motivation to practice. At the beginning of the summer I was kind of depressed because I had broken up with someone earlier this year. I felt tired, listless, and had very low motivation to practice (which was weird, considering I had just started a lot of new music and was preparing for Aspen). I realized that it was the relationship issue that was at the root of the problem, and I made some fairly drastic changes in an effort to move on. It actually helped a lot, and though there are still days when I don't feel quite as excited about working on my scales, I'm being much more consistent.

Besides working out some things with your family, I also think its important to have other things you enjoy besides violin to give you a break/reward from practicing. You could have goals like "I'll go shopping with my friends tonight if I practice 3 hours first" or whatever amount seems right to you. Over the summer I've been doing collage projects to give myself something fun do do between/after practice sessions. Try whatever works best for you. Good luck with everything. :)

From Terez Mertes
Posted on July 1, 2008 at 7:07 PM

Sounds to me like you're enjoying the break from your hard-worked-at craft. Breaks are good. You are refueling. If, after a few weeks of this, you don't get hungry to return to your old routine of more practice and dedication, well, that's another issue. That, too, can just be a hurdle as well, though. Because it's hard to get back into the groove when you're out of it. But all of this doesn't mean you're not "cut out for this." It just means you're taking a needed break.

Now, come September, if you're trying to practice and just dreading the experience day after day, well, then... come talk to all of us again. In the meantime, enjoy this taste of "normalcy." : )

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Am I Really Cut Out for This?

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