A new leaf?

October 24, 2007 at 11:47 AM

I finally got up the courage to call my old teacher over the weekend. She's a really nice person, and yes, I should have called her sooner. Because, like me, she has two kids and is insanely busy. As we were talking about what I had been doing since we last met (when I was 7 months pregnant with my daughter, now 8), and what she is doing now, it seemed to be becoming clearer to her that it would *not* be a good idea to take on another student right now, even one who would come to her house on weekends every 2-3 weeks.

She said she was covering a few students of a friend of hers on maternity leave, and when that friend came back to work in January, she'd have a few slots opening up. She also recommended another friend of hers, who also plays violin and viola, and said I should try giving that person a call if I wanted to get started sooner. I also brought up my two biggest goals on viola: trying out for the Longwood Symphony Orchestra and learning Rebecca Clarke's Passacaglia on an Old English Tune. She thought both of those could be realistic, although couldn't really say for sure without hearing me play--it's been a long time.

I'm not sure why I'm feeling a little discouraged. Even if this other teacher she recommended doesn't work out (and I have no reason to think that she won't), January isn't that far away. But there's still something about setting goals and saying them aloud that scares me and makes me feel weird. Other people tend to be very up-front about their goals and aspirations, and often find "shooting for the moon" to be a great motivator.

That hasn't been my experience. I tend to guard my goals and dreams, hide them, keep them to myself. I have a fear that once I say it to someone else, I will get put down in some way, be thought of as arrogant, silly, or unrealistic. Even be made fun of. That has happened.

But that didn't happen this time (one reason I liked taking lessons from this teacher, when I did, is that she's very encouraging and supportive), and I had no reason to expect that it would, from her, so I must be reacting to something else from another time and place. I think this reticence is hurting my development as a musician.

But perhaps on the flip side, if I face and get over this, maybe it will really help me turn over a new leaf.

From Shailee Kennedy
Posted on October 24, 2007 at 1:47 PM

Karen, I don't think you're as shy and unsure as you might feel that you are. Wasn't it just a short time ago that you were just *considering* trying out for the community orchestra but you weren't sure that you could do it? And you did it, and now you want to go for the Longwood orchestra (which I'm assuming is more difficult)...

Feel good about what you're doing. You're allowed, and you should!

From Yixi Zhang
Posted on October 24, 2007 at 2:28 PM

Karen, I would probably feel the same way as you did after all the internal debates and goal setting and then being told that, well it’ll work but … Whatever reasons that lead to a mismatch of my plan it can still be a blow, even though intellectually I understand that they are good reasons or reasons that beyond my control. But I’m sure you view your goal not just an end but also a means that will motivate you to be keep trying different routes until you get where you aim to get. Whether the other teacher’s schedule or style will work out is just another route to be tested. People can think and say all sorts of things, rightly or wrongly, and they always do and will. When it comes to your project or dream, you are the boss and you get to pick whichever way it works.

From Anne Horvath
Posted on October 24, 2007 at 3:24 PM

It must be hard to hear that your old teacher has a full schedule right now, and can't accommodate you. You could get on her waiting list now, and then in the meantime start up with the teacher she recommended. So then if this second teacher works out, great. If not, you can resume with your old teacher later. That sounds like a win-win situation to me. Good Luck!

From Karen Allendoerfer
Posted on October 24, 2007 at 4:46 PM

Thanks! Shailee, you're right, in some ways I'm not that shy and unsure of myself, even on violin. The orchestra I'm in now is a non-audition orchestra with a small viola section. But they play challenging, standard repertoire and are very nice people. I was happy and proud to become a member and I think I will continue to get a lot out of being associated with the group.

The Longwood Symphony Orchestra does have an audition, and a friend of mine tried out and didn't make it a couple of years ago. (I don't know how good she is, we talk about violin, but we've never played together. She might not be a very good yardstick. But, she is the sum total of people I know who have tried out.) So yes, it is a "better" orchestra, but the main reason behind my obsession with wanting to be in the Longwood Symphony is their "healing art of music" program. The players are doctors and medical researchers, and their concerts raise serious money for medical research and patient charities. I am a Ph.D. scientist at a biomedical research institute, and this is a mission that I really want to be a part of. It is very close to my own personal musical goals. I'm not aware of another group that has this particular mission where I could go if I'm not successful in the audition.

Anne and Yixi, I do plan to call the other teacher, she might be great. But I know I can be a difficult student to teach. Especially, I can be stubborn and irritable if people rub me the wrong way for whatever reason, even when I know, intellectually, that they're just trying to help and I should get over it. Social skills, tact, relationships, "not letting stuff bother me" . . . not my strong suit. So when I do find a teacher I like who is easy for me to get along with, it's hard for me to change and I get cold feet starting new again. I wish it could be all about the music, but alas, it's not.

From Yixi Zhang
Posted on October 24, 2007 at 6:21 PM

Karen, I think you maybe too self-critical. I’m very blunt and not tactful at all, as you might have sensed this already by now:) If you are an eager learner and no doubt you are, then that’ll provide a huge "give" in student-teacher relationship. You are also extremely thoughtful, articulate and good-hearted, so I see you’ll be a dream student, regardless how much doubts you have at this point. Go for it!

From Anne Horvath
Posted on October 24, 2007 at 8:13 PM

Stubborn and irritable adult students don't faze me a bit. If you pay the plane fare, I'll teach you! (Insert Smiley Face Here).

From Albert Justice
Posted on October 25, 2007 at 3:28 AM

argh! Who is stubborn and IriTaBle? ;) Surely not Karen.

Learning violin can be frustrating. I think everyone needs their buttons pushed in life to really grow. Academically when I apply myself things are pretty easy, but this violin thingy!

So Karen, do a little primal therapy, yell a couple times, and keep on 'your' program. The output is beautiful music.

From Mendy Smith
Posted on October 25, 2007 at 5:47 AM

Karen, you have a very admirable goal. Playing in an orchestra is very satisfying on its own, but even more so when you have the opportunity to do what you love and benefit others in a more measurable manner.

I have had my own personal issues to deal from time to time with with building student/teacher relationships as an adult. Some of these relationships were easy to form, others I had to tell myself "bite your tongue and stick with it", you are here to learn not make friends. At the end of the day, I leap-frogged my skills and I'm thankful that I did not permit my own irratibility to hinder my learning process. Having a teacher that you get along well with (IMHO) is a side benefit, not a requirement if you are serious about bringing your skills up a few notches.

All the same, I do hope that you develop a good relationship with this other teacher.

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