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One of those great moments

March 15, 2006 at 9:22 PM

Last night I was practicing hard for the first time in a while, when I had---if not an out-of-body experience, maybe an out-of-ear experience? I suddenly realized I was making beautiful music, and thought, "Hey, am I the one doing that? Whoa, cool!" For so much of my violin-playing history, I've so often hated what came out of my instrument that this is really an unusual feeling, to enjoy hearing myself when I play. I've been with my wonderful teacher less than a year, but I'm continually surprised by how much progress I make, and how quickly.

On a less positive note, I'm not looking forward to orchestra rehearsal tonight. I was so excited about returning after having sat out for the last concert, but my enthusiasm is rapidly waning. I can't figure out why; the music is great and I like the people in the group as well as the director. Perhaps it's just exhaustion, or the feeling that the experience isn't making me a better violinist in the same way my solo studies are. I don't really feel inspired to work on the music, and I don't have a lot of confidence that if I did, it would make a difference in the overall quality of the group. Maybe this just isn't what I need at this time in my life. I'll finish out the season because I've committed to doing so, but maybe I won't return in the fall.

I hope to have an "out-of-ear" experience one day!
I don't think everybody enjoys rehearsals every time... last 2 years I was in the university orchestra and we used to meet every tuesday. Sometimes I just went there because I felt like going to the bar with the friends afterwards...
And concerts were great! :)
Karin, your out-of-ear experience sounds wonderful. I believe that it's partly because you trust your teacher so much and you're developing your own voice. If you don't feel good when you play for the teacher, you probably won't feel good when you play for yourself. Keep being yourself and believing in yourself.

If you don't feel like playing in the orchestra is what you should be doing now, trust your own judgment. Put more emphasis on playing for yourself. A while back, Laurie wrote about considering auditioning for another orchestra, something she has done many times before. This time, she felt that this was not where she wanted to put her energy, so she dropped the audition and focussed on studying the Bach S&P instead. I believe that she was very happy with her decision.

Thanks for your wise words, Pauline.

Interestingly enough, tonight's rehearsal was more fun than I'd expected. I'm assistant concertmaster and my stand partner was sick, so I had more responsibility than I usually do. Maybe I just don't feel challenged enough; I can work with that.

Wow Karin, I know what you mean about not liking what you hear yourself play. I am so looking forward to producing something that I can actually enjoy listening to myself...lol. Once in awhile I get a really neat sound.....but, not often enough...YET !
Only been doing this myself for about 3.5 years...have a long way to go !
Eileen, I played for about 20 years and always hated my sound. Surprising that I kept up with it for that long before I took a break, huh? ;) Anyway, hang in there. With a good teacher and studious practice, you shouldn't have the same experience!