Burning out?

October 15, 2006 at 11:52 PM

Greetings,
One of my main weaknesses that I have come to terms with over the years is seeing things as negat9ve rather than life as an ongoing series of chances for new and exciting growth. I think what has helped me the most is music. Music is a form of energy which connects us with the universe or God or whatever you choose to call the ultimate power that governs our lives. That’s why musicians of any kind are very lucky, very special and have a central role in the functioning of a healthy society. I regard debates about whether or not musicians have any pragmatic or concrete value in life as a particularly spurious garbage. It is an argument derived purely from the worst aspects of the world we have created for ourselves out of waste, violence and disregard for the environment or spiritual wealth.
So musicians are special, but so often it seems to me that I read here and elsewhere, or people tell me, that they are burnt out. Or that young players work harder and harder on a terrible treadmill either not knowing where they are going or heading for an image of the future as big time soloist or whatever that simple does not exist. There is nothing wrong with chasing an impossible dream . but the dream has to have worth, or beauty or morality , otherwise it has an infinite capacity to distort until the dreamer is little more than a caricature of life. Rather like Gollum in that very long movie where lots of people kill each other and ignore women except as things to be snogged.
All this comes about I suppose because (young) musicians have to live in the world of Mc Donald’s, competition, violence blah blah and inevitably the sensitive ones get sucked in and get tired or depressed. They may for example write in to lists like this which fortunately, attracts good people, and ask for advice. More often than mot they are told to `take a day off,` `kick back` read a book, watch a movie etc etc. The advice is well meant and contains a lot of sense but it really has little to do with the overall picture. And for many of the gifted young people struggling in the maelstrom, a day off may just mean feeling vaguely dissatisfied with oneself and wishing they were doing something else like picking up the fiddle and getting that damn piece ready because otherwise one might `fall behind` and then who knows what might happen. As Stephen King points out, the Library Policeman ` might get you….
In reality what is really missing is the whole person. Imagine if you break your hand or whatever. Your whole life was invested in this thing and now you have lost your savings. But as people we have to relate to the whole world with the same commitment and energy that we give to the violin. This necessarily should be a list of around 8 or 9 things. This will vary from person to person but might mean something like this:
1) Love and family
2) Social service/helping others.
3) spiritual life/development
4) Study and intellectual growth.
5) Exercises.
6). Cleaning the house
7) Down time, preferably in nature.
8) Violin Practice.
9) Friends.
Each of these things should be attended to virtually everyday however short the time expended on them. The only necessity is that when you are spending that time you are 150% committed to only that thing. So calling an old friend may take only two minutes but if you give it everything then it is a wonderful thing. If you give it half an ear while thinking about that knotty passage in the Tchaikovsky then you might as well not bother.
Then if the unthinkable happens and you lose your playing you have a hole in your life but it is pretty damn small and all the interesting people you have leanrt from and grown with everyday provide an unending source of comfort and new possibilities for a worthwhile life.
But the main point besides this unthinkable is that if you want violin playing central to your life without burning out on the treadmill then this is approach is healthy. One has the relentless stress of practicing and performing but it is a good stress because it is a joy. It is a joy because your performance is informed by your intellect, appreciation of art and nature, your audience is attended by family and friends because they want to be there, and afterwards you can take some down time going for a walk or reading Sidney Sheldon (which one would actually be unable to read) without a nagging conscience of any kind.
The ups and downs of self flagellation practicing when your body and mind is saying this is not right, but your ego is not listening, followed by unhappy days of chewing on a McDonalds, while watching reruns of Pretty Woman can hopefully be left to the nine to five workers who are throwing away their lives in order to stay above water long enough to make more money to stay above water in order to….
Cheers,
Buri

From Karin Lin
Posted on October 16, 2006 at 2:45 AM

Wise words as always, Buri.

From Gabriel Kastelle
Posted on October 16, 2006 at 2:51 AM

Bravo! Yes, Buri. Thank you.

From Anne Horvath
Posted on October 16, 2006 at 4:14 AM

I need to see to #6.
Also, who is Gollum?

From Stephen Brivati
Posted on October 16, 2006 at 4:57 AM

Greetings,
Lord of the Rings,
Hobbit who goes bad?
Cheers,
Buri
Maybe its just my memory.

From jennifer steinfeldt warren
Posted on October 16, 2006 at 5:22 AM

Hey Buri. About midnight..just got home from a day of symphony. And 8 hours of driving for the joy. Your message really hits home. I wias just thinking about how it is so hard to have a relationship and "dedicate" to violin like it is thought is needed, because practicing is largely a private affair. I'm try8ing to involve my husband in my music, let him understand what it is like to be a violinist. But it is hard to get across.

The thing about orchestra is that it is not something you do alone. There is no other way I could have survived today. There is no other reason I would drive 8 hours and practice 6 in one day for any other reason. I have found that being an orchestral musician, NOT within the confines of the institution, which realizes the point of the role of music in my life.

My musical life was a complete wreck until I fell in love with my husband. I thought it would take time away from what I "needed to be doing". Horse boogey.

I could write pages and pages in response to your post, btu I will refrain because I'dr ather fall into bed with my shoes on...

From parmeeta bhogal
Posted on October 16, 2006 at 6:30 AM

Buri,
I saw your post after the interviews with the six finalists of the hannover competition, & so it makes even more sense.
I think what you say linked to the picture Nikita painted when they were asked to think 10 years into the future and he imagined he was definately not married, but lived in a large house with his family and gave "not too many concerts", perhaps as chamber musician, because he didn't want to lose the joy of playing.
There's a healthy young man, at least on paper!!

From Christian Vachon
Posted on October 16, 2006 at 3:01 PM

Hi Buri,

Nice thoughts. I think that life is about balance. Also, impossible dreams is not an objective. That Nietzschean thought leads to the depression that afflicts many since it engenders perfectionism, which is more of a problem than anything. Like in many things, balance is good, but also enthousiasm. Many times, we think that something is missing in our lives when it is not. The desire for what is unavailable doesn't make it better. Sometimes we hold on to things that we don't need.

In music, the negative is at the centre of much. But mostly, it is that the end result is more valued than its components. Every day, I pass by a framed photo given to me by my godfather as a graduation present from my doctorate. Below, it says "Success is a journey, not a destination." That thought governs most of what I do. Not all is fair. That too. And I think that accepting some things as having a part in life helps too. There is a lot to be found in acceptance. Change also is important, and accepting that things don't need to be perfect and not resisting change really helps...

Some rambling in early morning here...

Cheers!

From Linda Lerskier
Posted on October 16, 2006 at 7:50 PM

Surely friends must come before cleaning the house. ;)

From Stephen Brivati
Posted on October 16, 2006 at 9:16 PM

my friends won"t come unless I clean the house...

From Linda Lerskier
Posted on October 17, 2006 at 12:59 AM

That's why you go to their house...

Besides, you won't have to do the dishes after.

From Stephen Brivati
Posted on October 17, 2006 at 3:01 AM

my friends eat off the floor.

From Ihnsouk Guim
Posted on October 17, 2006 at 2:22 PM

Couldn't agree more. The thing I find hard is the balance; what do you do if friendship and practice are in conflict? My daughter's first violin teacher is an example. He was a cellist and after two years or at the end of suzuki book 4, he suggeted that she go to a violinist for her lessons. They got along very well, and I figure that was as important as making progress. We begged him to stay for another two years against his wishes. In her sixth year of playing violin, my daughter is still trying to catch up with basics.

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