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Gnosis

January 9, 2012 at 12:38 AM

The four-hour drive to Kansas City held nothing of promise or pleasure this time; it spoke only of farewell--something I have grown all too used to recently, it seems. Farmland rolled past in peaceful, silent shades of grey, accompanied by somber tones of Satie's Gnossienne #1. I had far too much time with my thoughts. No matter, the decision had been made. With steeled heart, I stepped out of the car, violin case in hand, and returned, moments later. Empty.

No doubt, something magical existed between us, and had the circumstances been any but what they were, I would never have walked out the door alone. I act according to my head, not my heart this time. No one would know how much I'd wanted to do otherwise, except that I write it here.

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So hard. Sending you a hug; I know how painful violin woes are. I hope that someday somewhere you find the fiddle you've always wanted.
**I act according to my head, not my heart this time.**
"The heart ismore treacherous than anything and is desperate, whocan know it?" Jeremiah was told this. And it's true. It takes corrage to to take the step that you did.
Sorry it was so difficult, but there were probably no "wrong" choices for you in this situation.
Emily, it’s so hard. Indeed, as Tom said, there are no wrong choices here. But the hard question is can you stop loving the memory of Flemish while cherishing the moments you have had with him? If life is made up of moments, for the moments you had with Flemish, I hope you are also savoring the sweetness of life in the mid of sadness.

Ah, just gotta be patient. This just gives me something to look forward to next year.
The search continues... :)
feeling empty is an illusion, don't fall for it :o) unless, its a nice upbeat sort of empty

You did the right thing. Now, when you do find the one, you won't have to go through the hassle of trying to sell two violins to afford it!

When you do find that fiddle that is right for you, it will have the qualities of both of those instruments: the depth and sweetness of the flemish fiddle, and the direct carrying power of your current fiddle. You will know when you've found the one, because it will have both of those qualities which you desire.

I know many will argue that you'd need to have a Strad or Guarneri to have both of those qualities, but it isn't true. There are still master German/Hungarian/Austrian/Czech instruments out there that are affordable and will have these qualities.

Look for Schweitzer, Kulik, Spiegel, Lembock, Geissenhof, or Doetsch. There are many more, but it's a starting point. Most of these makers are still quite affordable with Geissenhof being probably the most expensive and rare.

Who needs a Strad or Guarneri when so many fantastic options exist?