The Can of Worms

September 17, 2006 at 12:54 AM

Actually, that can has been open for quite some time now, perhaps dating back to the violin purchase. I tell people I couldn’t afford to be away from Alaska for four months. But could I?

Did I really need a new violin? Did I need to buy a mode of transportation to get me to Anchorage and back for lessons? Does love weigh more or less than four month's pay and the loss of my studio? Does a role model wife look like a woman who sacrifices her own pursuits to stand nonstop at her husband's side? I mean, really, I could have probably found a way to avoid having to hold a job to pay bills this fall. I suppose what it all comes down to is, I didn’t want to.

Or how about this? Is my husband's job worth his mandatory leave of absence? Couldn't he find a better living and better name for himself by becoming the chef of his own restaurant? Certainly, he could find a more comfortable way to make a living. What's most important to him?

So the truth of the matter is, we both chose this.

We couldn't get everything just perfect. We weighed all the benefits and detriments and decided that this had to work for us. I wanted to go with him. I wanted the fortune cookie to be right too, and have fame and riches to help me out a bit. Oh well. Can't always get what you want. So you make the best of what you’ve got.

The people around here worry about us. The amount of concern and comments I received about our well-being began to make me apprehensive about our decision. It wasn’t until today that I realised that, in general, they are reflecting opinions based on their own relational experiences. Just today, a woman told me that George was going away for so long because he wanted to be gone, and that he wasn’t going to work, but just go hunting and fishing the whole time and hang out with his friends, and that he would get used to being away, and would come to enjoy it. These statements really hurt, and I was afraid that the doubts she might cast in my heart would sink me. Then I remembered that she was speaking in such a way because that’s what her own husband did to her, and her anger hasn’t subsided to this day.

But they don’t know me and George. We’re fine. We’re going to be just fine. It’ll all come to pass, and we’ll be better off than before.

From Jim W. Miller
Posted on September 17, 2006 at 3:09 PM

My own experience with relationships is that each should do his own thing but gets to have company while doing it. Nothing in any way foolish about buying expensive things that you can afford.

If my wife went somewhere for a couple months and didn't come back, that's great! It means I wouldn't be living with someone who'd do that:)

From Jenna Potts
Posted on September 17, 2006 at 6:07 PM

Emily,

It seems that only you and George would know what's best for your relationship....I would think that if you keep in contact and constantly remember how wonderful you each think the other is, your time when he gets back is going to be extremely refreshing. Listening to comments such as that offered by your "friend" would only build uncalled for distrust and damage. I couldn't imagine being away from a husband that long...its hard enough when my bf leaves school for a weekend to go visit his family. I will be praying for you. ~Jenna

From Pauline Lerner
Posted on September 17, 2006 at 6:02 PM

Emily, I feel very sorry for you. You lead such a rough life. First you go away from your husband for a few moths, and then he goes away from you for a few months. The first is OK, but the second scares the hell out of you. No one's lips to chafe by kissing (or whatever) for such a long time. Then you actually have to GET A JOB to make ends meet. *sobs pitifully* Why don't you just "borrow" money from your parents or in-laws, like so many other people do? I've been unemployed for 5 years and looking hard, but I can't make ends. I'm going under financially. I'll be out on the street in a year or so. God, it must be a terrible tragedy to have to work for a living and occasionally be separated from your husband.

From Linda Lerskier
Posted on September 17, 2006 at 6:58 PM

"So you make the best of what you’ve got."

I like your spirit. Keep it up, and before you know it, he'll be back! Meanwhile, I can take his place if you want (but only for some of that Alaskan Salmon). ;)

From Pauline Lerner
Posted on September 17, 2006 at 10:17 PM

I have some more suggestions for you, Emily. Since getting a job is such a terrible thing for you, you could (1) mooch off of your parents or george's parents, (2) take a loan, (3) sell your old violin and bow, (4) rent a room in your house, or (5) get welfare. Life is tough, but there are always alternatives for resourceful people who don't want to work.

From Emily Grossman
Posted on September 17, 2006 at 11:15 PM

Pauline, thanks for making me laugh today.

From Emily Grossman
Posted on September 17, 2006 at 11:33 PM

Ohhh... Were you referring to this comment in my blog:

"I mean, really, I could have probably found a way to avoid having to hold a job to pay bills this fall. I suppose what it all comes down to is, I didn’t want to."

I apologize for my poor choice in wording. What I meant was, I didn't want to avoid staying here to work this fall. I like my job. I love my students. I'm thankful for getting the opportunity to work with them. Sure, it would be swell if we had a million bucks, but isn't that how everyone feels? I'm not complaining. And I most definitely don't feel sorry for myself. My life's pretty good, isn't it?

From Emily Grossman
Posted on September 17, 2006 at 11:42 PM

Hey, Linda, how much do you charge? I got three cases.

...Okay, I'll make it four.

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The Can of Worms

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