Modulation

September 3, 2006 at 9:58 AM

At the age of eighteen, I walked through the door of the studio of my first violin professor, carrying big dreams and opinions about myself. This quickly changed. “You have less problems with your musicality, so we will now focus on your technique.” He assigned me Kreutzer, scales, double stops, and bow hand exercises until I wept bitterly in despair. “You don’t even know how to play a simple bow stroke,” he observed . “I don’t know if there’s enough time in four years to teach you all that you should already know.” At least he was honest. His final forewarning embedded itself like a smoldering ember as I drifted from the violin onto other activities: “Ten years from now you’ll come back, and you’ll want to learn all the things you should have learned now, and it will be too late; you won’t be able to.”

At the age of twenty-eight, after a long unresolved break from the violin , I picked it up again and decided to give it another try.

For the next two and a half years, I was blessed with the insights and advice of so many faces I’ve never met from all over the world through the internet. I read invaluable articles, researched literature, and picked the minds of great people in violin pedagogy. Life brought me friends that opened doors to amazing opportunities and musical experiences.

For two and a half years, I tinkered and experimented with this and that. I did away with my shoulder rest, and I revamped my left hand position. I learned about martele, and bel canto, and Galamian, and Heifetz. I listened to recordings and stole ideas. Then, I geared up for my first concerto undertaking: Mozart #3. In May, I performed it for my students at our spring recital.

Finally, I enrolled in lessons at the University of Anchorage. It took so long to get the courage to offer myself up for regular criticism from a critical ear, but I knew I was long overdue in seeking professional face-to-face guidance. What if he tells me I need to start over? What if he laughs at my strange concoctions and forces me into his own mold of fingerings, bowings, and interpretations? As the student, I needed to come to a point where I was okay with that. If he put me on open strings for a month, I could handle it.

I walked through the door of Walter Olivares' office and played him a scale and an arpeggio, stuttering apologies for tardiness due to the 150-mile drive in the rain. Then I played the Mozart. Then some Bach. Okay, let it rip.

He said, “You are a fine player! You can play this. The technical things are there. Shifting's fine. Good, bold tone. What you need is to get out and play with other musicians and make music again.” Needless to say, I was taken aback by this statement, which stood diametrically opposed to my old teacher’s opinion. He then assigned me a Bach partita and a flashy piece by Ginastera, with octaves and challenging runs. What’s this sudden forward leap in repertoire? All this time, I have been holding back and reworking things to get them just so. I was all ready in my mind to go back to Twinkle if need be. Is this okay?

I drove home somewhat exhilarated, somewhat disappointed. Yes, I was happy to be stamped with approval for a change, but I think I’d set my mind on being dashed on the rocks. Mentally, I was still braced for the impact.

As I picked through my new partita this evening, it finally sunk in: I can play better. I am playing better. I will play even better. Even though I don’t believe it, it’s still true. I’m watching my dreams unfold, despite the bane of my former teacher. The violinist that abandoned her music performance degree twelve years ago exists no longer.

From Julie C.
Posted on September 3, 2006 at 2:22 PM

This is a really encouraging story, Emily. Thanks for sharing it with us here at V.com. You have a lot of courage--I wish you the best.

From Sheila Ganapathy
Posted on September 3, 2006 at 2:50 PM

I think that your story is very inspiring b/c there are so many of us who are discouraged and it is easier to give up than get past being discouraged. I am one of those people myself but I manage to get past it. It is b/c of people like you that give people who are discouraged some hope and the drive not to give up.

Sheila

From bill Pratt
Posted on September 3, 2006 at 4:05 PM

Wow.

From Emily Grossman
Posted on September 3, 2006 at 11:39 PM

Thank you, all you who read this who have contibuted to my progress. Every one of you that I know has taught me something, whether you know it or not.

From Pauline Lerner
Posted on September 4, 2006 at 8:43 AM

I'm glad you had the courage to go back to lessons and even more glad that you got such good feedback from your new teacher. have fun making music.

From Tom Holzman
Posted on September 5, 2006 at 12:56 PM

As always, you are an inspiration to all of us.

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