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One of Emily's Commandments (if she got to be God)

December 16, 2006 at 3:50 PM

Thou shalt not play Silent Night on heavily distorted electric guitar.

I will smite thee, and instead of damnation, thou shalt be assigned to the harp.

That's why you'll never be God. You see, the beauty of 'Silent Night' is in the irony of its attempt to create the impression of silence by using sound. Where irony, dissonance, etc., occurs, it should be emphasised in order to maximize its effect. Therefore electric guitar, with distortion - the purpose of which is to create sustain and carrying-power, is the the most appropriate instrument for this song - and it should be cranked to a window-shaking level. Guitar distortion is derived from ancient instruments where the distortion is derived mechanically, instruments of a pagan nature. This contributes another, seconday level of irony. If all you're after is something pretty in your ears, try some earrings. Or stick little pieces of strawberry brazilnut biscotti in them.
Emily, only you.

Jim, only you.

: )

>If all you're after is something pretty in your ears, try some earrings.

Oh, you really ARE in your prime, Jim. I haven't read anything quite so entertaining from you since you screamed at John Thornton to quit dic*king around and sell you the blasted violin. (Not that your other comments haven't been entertaining, mind you. You and Emily - what would we do without you?)

God don't I wish I was in some kind of prime. Any kind of prime.
Jim, the main reason I'll never be God is that I have these days, you know. On some days, all would be struck down. None would be spared.

I need some scotch tape.

And Emily spake from the heavens, and it was so. To the ends of the earth, all the desk tops teemed with scotch tape.

Keep the tape, I'll take the scotch.
I prefer single malt scotch tape.
I'm bringing my squier strat friday.