October 24, 2005 at 10:01 AM

Where have all the words gone? I’m open-mouth gaping in silence, the thought muted in my throat somewhere, groping for any intelligible phrase as its mode of transportation. My jaw motions once or twice in effort. Nothing. Drawing? Ha, it’s a blank sheet of paper still. Writer’s block. This creative venue is blinking “no vacancy”. For days, I’ve started to quip a clever response in limerick form, only to find fragmented phrases and syllabic misconstructions. Ah, I hate that format anyway.

I read the posts, I begin a comment, I take it back with the delete button. Over and over for days, it goes like this. Why? I’m second-guessing the value of my thoughts, the likelihood of being misunderstood, my lack of credentials, the appropriateness of the subject, the general lack of cleverness, unwillingness to intelligibly back my opinion with fact, apathy, redundance, and of course, there’s that old saying about if I can’t say something nice... I must admit, my train of thought has been almost completely useless to this website lately. I’m befuddled, tongue-tied, mentally constipated, and completely bothered about it. So, I will sit back and read everyone else’s thoughts on the subject at hand until I can think of something worthwhile to write. Either that, or I’ve got to stop caring about whether I’ve got something worthwhile to say and just fill that space anyway.

From Carley Anderson
Posted on October 24, 2005 at 11:51 AM

I know the feeling...the back button is very comforting, isn't it? Opps! I accidentally clicked submit!

From Pauline Lerner
Posted on October 24, 2005 at 6:07 PM

I often feel the way you do. I wonder whether what I have to say is good enough and whether people will be interested. I wonder whether someone will comment on my blog. (I'm often surprised and pleased with the comments I get.) For me, the best approach is to write as if I'm writing only for myself. When I don't think too much about the consequences, I write freely.

BTW, I love reading everything you write.

From Michael Schallock
Posted on October 24, 2005 at 10:41 PM

You just have the fall time Alaska blues. Just roll with the punches...eat a little more..sleep a little later..listen to some good music..
You will be back feisty in no time. Quartets and dinner parties?

From Wes Surber
Posted on October 24, 2005 at 10:59 PM

Everyone reaches a point in life where they feel they have nothing to say. We feel that we have reached a point where we're not taken seriously or we have nothing important to contribute. The simple fact that you have an opinion or a view to share makes it important. So what does it matter if it's intellectually stimulating to the rest of us? Different people react in different ways to things. What's important to one person, may not be to others. Don't sweat the small stuff and don't be afraid to share what you think. In the end, that little bit of sharing can help you get back on track and regain your writing confidence. I hope this helps a little bit.

-Wes

From Emily Grossman
Posted on October 24, 2005 at 11:03 PM

Pauline, thanks for the encouragement. I always look forward to reading your blogs, and it's probably because you write them for yourself.

Michael, I've tried emailing you. Do you get those? I drove all the way to Homer to play for you, hoping I'd see you in the audience.

This is the third time I've started this comment, by the way.

Instead of deleting, I'll just erase everything that I wrote below this line.
-------------------------

From Neil Cameron
Posted on October 25, 2005 at 3:12 AM

Emily (and Pauline as well) I enjoy your blogs and comments - don't always agree, but always enjoy. :)

I think we all go through ups and downs and periods when we feel we can't communicate or have nothing to say. Me, I know I have nothing to say, but I always go ahead and say it anyway.

However, I'm not brave enough (nor have enough time) to start a blog. So bravo to you for doing so and letting us a little peek into how others live.

Neil

From Jim W. Miller
Posted on October 26, 2005 at 2:20 AM

Who do you write yours for, or who writes yours, whichever you mean?

From Emily Grossman
Posted on October 26, 2005 at 4:41 AM

That's the problem: I'm not exactly sure who my audience is now. I used to write assuming no one I knew read them, so it didn't matter a bit what I said. There weren't any consequences. Now, my audience consists of my parents and relatives, my old college friends, my music buddies, my students and their parents, not to mention all the people I know around here from the website. Like it or not, my words paint a portrait in the public eye, so I can't just write about murdering the neighbor's cat or secret obsessions with cream cheese, can I? I wouldn't want to look like a maniac or anything; it's bad for business. ;)

I'm always a little bit scared when I click on the new comments. I want them, but I'm afraid of them.

From Jim W. Miller
Posted on October 26, 2005 at 5:45 AM

I understand that. Also the hesitation to write anything at all maybe. They make me tense too, because they're uneditable. And I can't edit right in this little box for some reason. Even when I can edit, I'm not saying anything useful. My brief violin re-interest early in the year didn't turn into an obsession at all and even that ended months ago. I might hang it up.

From Emily Grossman
Posted on October 27, 2005 at 3:30 AM

I like the fact that you can't edit your post in the blog comments. That way, you can't change your words when I post after you.

It would definitely be less entertaining here if you stopped posting.

From Jim W. Miller
Posted on October 27, 2005 at 7:11 PM

I do that dirty edit trick to you sometimes. In fun, harmlessly I hope. Can't do that here, but I can do something just as good, which is add comments you know nothing about to ancient entries.

I wouldn't leave in a swirl of leaves, but things slowly change and I don't resist it like you. Sooner or later I'll just fade away.

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October 24, 2005 at 10:01 AM

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