We have thousands of human-written stories, discussions, interviews and reviews from today through the past 20+ years. Find them here:

More frustration

July 13, 2008 at 10:07 PM

Intention tremor in my right arm (due to MS) is getting worse and hampering my ability to perform. I played at church this morning, and it was awful. The tremor made my bow skip and scratch terribly. And it gets worse with any kind of nerves. I'm beginning to get discouraged, because this is something over which I have no control, which I can't overcome. I take drugs to minimize muscle spasms, and physical therapy may be of some benefit, but ultimately the disease will win in this regard. I'm finally accepting that my future as a professional violinist is no longer feasible (and that's a bitter pill to swallow). It just makes me so sad to know that at a time of my life when I've finally had the chance to pursue this life-long dream, it looks as though it may well be impossible.
I will keep playing, and taking lessons. And maybe I'll get a chance to play in a chamber group (although I'm still waiting to hear from the ACMP on my membership). It's just so hard to reach a point in your life when you have to modify or let go of a dream.
Very good discussion, Laurie, and a lot of good points, especially about the right and responsibility of deleting objectionable material.

Let's not forget, the freedom of speech is the freedom of those who owns a forum for expressions. Some of us seem to think free speech should be enjoyed by everyone, any time and everywhere in a free society. This is clearly not what the speech right is about. Speech rights, like all other civil liberties and human rights, are intended to primarily protect individual’s freedom against the state or the government. It is not applicable in private settings such as someone’s home or one’s own website. At home, like in any small communities, people set their own rules for members to follow. At someone else’s website or, say, at a grocery store, members of a society are invited to visit and enjoy as long as they obey the policies set by the owners. As invitees, what we then enjoy at the websites or grocery stores are certain privileges solely granted by the website or store owners, and such privileges can be taken away any time at the owner’s discretion based on his/her policy.

Can a store owner tell you to leave the store because you have violated his policy (and the way he interprets the policy)? Absolutely! Has he limited your mobility right by doing so? Yes. Is this justifiable? Most likely. For the same token, a website moderator’s deletion of your comment is a form of censorship, but it is completely different from the censorship comes from the government. Again, it is the latter our speech rights are what worth protecting.

From Pauline Lerner
Posted on July 14, 2008 at 6:28 AM

Laurie, I'm so sorry that your MS has interfered with your goals in violin playing. I know how hard it is to give up or modify a personal dream. I wish you mental strength and good fortune in the future.

From Laurie Trlak
Posted on July 14, 2008 at 11:55 AM

Thanks, Pauline. I have faith in the Lord, and I know that He works all things according to His perfect will, even though we may not like it. It's just so hard to accept right now. But I will get through this tough time.

From Tom Holzman
Posted on July 14, 2008 at 1:57 PM

You have my sympathies. MS runs in my family. Both my mother and grandmother were professional-quality pianists until MS prevented them from playing. It was terribly sad, as were the other effects. I have a cousin who has it who is not a musician but she has a number of mobility and other problems. It is heartbreaking for me. So, good luck and know that you are in our thoughts as you struggle to continue to try to play.

From Laurie Trlak
Posted on July 14, 2008 at 9:26 PM

Thanks so much for your kindness. I will not give up this fight easily, because fighting is all I can do at this point. While ultimately the disease will win, I'll not "go gentle into that good night!"

This entry has been archived and is no longer accepting comments.