My hand is almost back to normal after three months of near paralysis due to Botox injections. I think I will declare a self-imposed moratorium on the injections for a while; as long as the tremors don't come back and I can play I won't take any more. Who knows? may be they won't come back at all, and wouldn't that be grand? My neurologist says it's a possiblity.
My hand is still weak. I don't have quite the tone production capacity I had or the stamina, but as it is improving almost daily at this point, I have every confidence that I'll get it back soon. In the mean time it feels good to be able to practice once again. I felt bereft while I was sidelined, as though a part of me had been cut off. I kept looking at my instrument longingly, picking it up, fingering notes, picking up my bow, but unable to use it; it was agonizing. I was really afraid of not being able to play again. I think the worst thing that could happen is not being able to play ever again, especially after I've poured so much of myself into learning to play the blasted thing. Although I'm not a professional violinist, my playing has become an integral part of who I am, a part of my identity, and I take pride when I am recognized as a violinist by teachers in my area who are pros.
The good news is that I will be playing at the nursing home again this weekend. I'm excitedabout that, just because I know I can.
Previous entries: September 2010