bittersweet

February 26, 2006 at 5:17 AM

No, I'm not talking about chocolate. I prefer dark if anyone cares to send me any.

This week has been bittersweet. It started off with a quick trip to Vancouver for a lesson. I love going to Vancouver for lessons and wish I could go every week or so but either way, when I go I just feel so motivated to practice and work hard when I get home and I have really needed that motivation lately. After my recent violin exam and school exams I've just felt kind of worn out and tired, wanting to play but not wanting to get too deep into any pieces before talking it over with my teachers and now that has been done and I once again have direction and goals and tools to make my Bach Fugue easier and my Debussy Sonata more French sounding or if not French sounding, better sounding and more coherent anyways. My new repertoire for the next while includes Brahms 2nd Sonata (my personal favorite of the three), the Debussy Sonata (got to love French impressionism!), Wieniawski's D minor concerto (yay, it's not Bruch!) and his Scherzo-Tarentelle, an Eckhardt-Gramatte Caprice (my 4th!) and still working on that Bach fugue until I can do it a little more justice. I'm overall really pleased and excited about this repertoire. Not hugely thrilled with the Wieniawski but not really dreading and loathing it and I know it will be good for me (the Tarentelle is rather fun to just whiz through, I do admit).

When I got home I had school to catch up on and am still catching up on school but that's alright. I managed to get myself into a History course which out of the 3 classes I've attended so far is looking like it's going to be a good course and well worth the work and time spent on it not to mention it means next year will be an easier year for me - essentially it will be a free-be year academicly speaking. My week has also been good in the respect that I've gotten to see both my siblings who were off on reading break and I've enjoyed seeing them again.

This week took a turn, not unexpected but still very hard, when my dog of 11 years was put down on Thursday morning. She had gotten a bit better for awhile and seemed to be enjoying life and being outside in the sunshine when she suddenly got much worse again and seemed to be having a very negative reaction to the medication that was originally helping her. It made her veins and skin itchy and she actually chew the toes off of her feet on one foot. It was the most horrifying thing to see and watch and try to make her stop and to have to see her in so much pain and frustration and not being able to help or comfort her. She wouldn't let people pet her anymore and it was just a really heartbreaking situation. I had anticipated that she was going to be put down and had full expected it to happen several weeks ago and since it didn't happen I guess I went out of my "unprepared" state but gosh when it happens and you are sitting there and you know you have to leave and say goodbye and not say "I'll see you when I get home" it's a really sad experience. I came home the first couple of nights from being at school and work and went to open the door and say hi to find her bed empty and it's like your heart breaks again. You almost go numb after awhile, just trying to not think about it. Whoever thought that silence could be so scary and lonely? I guess it's done now and I have to move on but it's going to take some getting used to. I didn't just lose a pet, I lost a family member that I grew up with and would spend time with everyday. She would listen and be there when I needed her and I'll miss her lots.

Goodbye Abbey

From Pauline Lerner
Posted on February 26, 2006 at 5:26 AM

My condolences for you. I know that losing a pet can be just like losing a human family member. There is some grace in knowing that she is no longer suffering and that you had many good years with her.

From Julie C.
Posted on February 26, 2006 at 6:28 AM

I'm crying with you Kelsey. I understand your loss, having gone through the same thing last year. I don't think I will ever get over it.

From Emily Grossman
Posted on February 26, 2006 at 9:48 AM

You brought a tear to my eye, Kelsey. I'm so sorry for your loss. I cried all day at school the day after my puppy got hit by a car, and I was seventeen! (I thought I was too old for that.)

From Jim W. Miller
Posted on February 26, 2006 at 10:44 AM

Next time get a cat. You'll sort of basically dislike each other.

From Carley Anderson
Posted on February 26, 2006 at 11:23 AM

I'm so sorry for you, Kelsey. :(

From Jessica Smith
Posted on February 26, 2006 at 2:59 PM

I'm sorry for your loss. She was a very beautiful dog.

From Kelsey Z.
Posted on February 26, 2006 at 3:50 PM

Thanks everyone.

Jim, I can't have a cat because the cat would kill me from allergies.

From Neil Cameron
Posted on February 26, 2006 at 4:25 PM

RIP Abbey.

I'm allergic to our cats, but still love having them around. Cats or dogs, pets are something that become part of the family and give so much in return for our love.

Neil

From Jim W. Miller
Posted on February 26, 2006 at 8:14 PM

Being allergic to the cat is a wonderful basis for things to grow from, like I was saying.

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