October 2, 2005 at 6:39 PM

Well, I hadn't intended to go this long w/out updating but sometimes time just gets away from me. My lessons are going really well and I have noticed improvements in my playing already. Symphony is going really well and I have practically all the time I want to practice. I have time to get all of my homework done and all that fun stuff. I enjoy all of my classes now, especially the music ones, but I love spanish because my Professor is hilarious plus I'm learning a lot.

On the not so good side, I don't really feel like I have made any friends yet. I know that it might eventually come but it is just getting really tiresome. I have tons of people I say hi to everyday but that's about it, there is nothing more than that for me here. There are people who I eat meals with but a lot of times when I'm in the Cafeteria first and they come in after me they go and sit in a group together with other people even though I could be sitting there completely alone and just barely started eating. What makes it worse is that sometimes when they do this they look at me and just keep right on going as if they really don't know me. I feel like a complete outsider here most of the time. I enjoy the music and my classes but not trying to make friends part. I just don't know right now. Last night I was severly depressed about it. Why do people never want to do anything with me? I'm nice to everyone and I talk with people and it seems like we might just become good friends and then I don't see them for a week. It's just so hard...it will come with time though, I just hope it doesn't take as long as it did in high school.

From sharelle taylor
Posted on October 2, 2005 at 11:45 PM

Please don't knock youself over the firendship thing, Andrew. I see myself reflected in your writing. I think when you are self reliant, do things on your own, perhaps that tends to isolate you somehow from others. I know that I felt as you did right thorugh uni, once i started work I found that my friends at work were enough for me. Good relationships, but not needing the same intensity that I saw others sharing. Once I got into my mid twenties, I became more satisfied with how I lived, I think I felt more confident in just being me, not comparing to others so much. You knhow how they say you can be lonely in a crowd - so true. In my observation, I think people who don't need the constant feedback from others, but can know their own selfs, seem to be happier, more settled in good relationships as they get a bit older. It is a bit lonely and hellish getting to that point, but that point does get reached. I like your blog entries a lot.

From Diane Lai
Posted on October 3, 2005 at 12:45 AM

Hey! I've definitely been there, done that. It's hard being in a new place where you don't know anyone. I've found that what works for me is to try to talk with people one-on-one instead of going out in a group. That way, I feel like I try to know at least one person well, instead of lots of people not very well. Invite your standpartner for dinner before/after rehearsal or something. It may take a while, but all you need is one good friend. If not, feel free to gripe in your blog. We're always here to listen ... or read, I guess. Also, when in doubt, you can also transfer schools. Some people "click" in different schools. Luther may or may not be the place for you. Just know that there are aways options! You're never "stuck" in one place.

From Andrew Paa
Posted on October 3, 2005 at 3:48 AM

Thanks!! I do like Luther a lot. I have always been a very mature person I guess, and I feel much better around adults and musicians because they tend to have a much more organized (at least the way I like it) mind.

From Pauline Lerner
Posted on October 3, 2005 at 7:10 AM

I've had the problem that you described all my life. I'm sorry I can't give you a cure for it. My point of view is that I'm never a member of the "in crowd." I feel more comfortable with other people one-on-one or in small groups. I don't have a lot of friends, but my friendships are deep and good. I go for quality, not quantity.

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October 2, 2005 at 6:39 PM

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