July 2009

My War on My Music

July 28, 2009 20:30

Vacation: time off, relaxation, enjoyment, fun, zen, activities, leisure time, quality time, peacefulness, hobby time, etc.

Practice: work, challenging, progression, schedule, barriers, boundaries, difficult, creativity, expression, discovery, breakthroughs, etc.

Guess where I've been the last couple months? Which would you choose? =P

Well, this has been my first summer off of school in 3 years. I've thoroughly enjoyed having a real vacation (more than 3 weeks off at once) and even took one from the violin in a way. I played for my students, I practiced when waiting for students to arrive, I goofed around with Telemann Canonic thingies in Garage Band on my new MacBook. Nothing too intense, except for that one 2 hour session on Lark Ascending at the beginning of the summer...

Now, school is approaching again. It's my last year of grad school. My graduate recital approaches, and I have so many desires, goals, and aspirations for that wondrously beautiful and surely traumatic event. Time to get back to work, Self.

Going to try the new Vision Solo strings. Hopefully, they'll arrive tomorrow from IUStrings. Bought a Zoom H2 recorder today off Amazon. I'm not able to get everything I want out of lessons, so I'm going to "lesson myself" via recording. Not that I don't have a wonderful teacher, but he obviously can't teach me every moment of my practice and he doesn't get to hear my "real playing" from my practice room in a lesson anyway.

Obstacles: performance anxiety, perfectionism, comparison mentality, intensely debilitating inner drive, negative outlook on likelihood of success based on past traumatic experiences.

Decision: Remember that whatever chair I get, I will do the best I can. Remember however a performance turns out, I will do the best I can. Recall that I am not in this to be HIlary Hahn, and do not have to hold myself to her standards. I should aspire to reach my potential, which is limitless.

Bring it on, school--tear that down! I'm on the warpath. Self, remember this when the going gets tough.

Now, let's make me some of my music. ;-)

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