March 2009

Inspiration = Orchestra Program?

March 31, 2009 19:20

I'm rather excited as I consider the prospect of being someone who could help bring about an orchestra program in Dundee Schools.

My supervisor in my assistantship, as well as my orchestra conductor recommended me to someone who requested a student capable of teaching a group of 20 or so violinists for a little over an hour 4 days one week in May. I was honored when he referred to me as "an excellent violinist... already experienced private teacher... experience teaching larger groups" and felt a small surge of pride in my accomplishments.

I do not know if this gig would pay me. However, I feel like the reward of exposing these students to the violin and music for that short time would be fantastic. If I really did inspire these kids to one day earn an orchestra program in their schools, I would be so honored.

I hope to inspire my past, current, and future students. There really is no greater pleasure in life than to help someone else succeed.

Now if only I can take my own advice when I teach...

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Disenchanted by the life of a performer.

March 31, 2009 19:09

For the last couple months, I've noticed a complete 180 in my attitude toward my playing. Here's the comparison:

I used to play hours a day. Religiously. I would put forth the maximum effort into my extremely efficient practice sessions. I progressed rather rapidly, according to my professor. However, that was only truly evident (in my opinion, my professor disagrees) in my practice room.

Now, after competing and losing, a somewhat disappointing senior recital, facing graduating with my Master's degree in a year, and looking at what my life will be beyond school, I am at a loss. I don't audition well, my nerves always get the best of me. I don't compete well, either, for the same reason. I can't give a solo performance, also due to nerves.

I've discovered that I'm completely disenchanted to the life of being a professional player. I have an incredible passion for teaching, and would never give that up, nor would I want my abilities to slack and prevent me from doing the absolute best by my students. I have a large studio, over 30 students, and I'm always very glad to have had a day of teaching. However, I cannot bring myself to practice like I used to. I am virtually hitting a wall every time I try. No matter how hard I work, I can't seem to have anything to show for it that satisfies my standards and capabilities. It's very upsetting.

The only silver lining I see? I want to get out of this funk and get back to the practice room. ASAP.

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More entries: December 2008