November 2004
November 27, 2004 08:28
Just figured out my mom reads these things to figure out what my mood is... hmmm let me think, this could work in my favor! :)I have not done anything in the past couple days, except getting very shocked trying to go through Ysaye 6. I also started Tchaik Valse Scherzo and Dvorak Concerto, which are not that hard, just need to practice (which is the hardest thing for me anyways!)
Bach a minor is still quite well in my fingers, now I just need to work on those incredible illussions Manze creates in Biber that there are at least 3 different instruments. The recording is really fantastic. I also bought a recording of schubert songs with Fisher Diskau. Wow, what a voice!
I looked at a DVD with Oistrakh playing Brahms, Tchaik and Sibelius. what a treat. And then I got this recording with Kreisler playing a lot of his own work, the charme this man has! Or what to think of Heifetz with Walton concerto?
I know, I bought way to many recordings, but it all served a very good purpose. And at the same time that was "my personal prize" from Korea. Most of the money will go to paying off loans, but this was just my little treat.
Well, I am thinking I will retreat further in my room. My last couple of days I have been playing the fiddle a little, but mostly just hanging on the couch watching DVD's (Troye, Girl with the pearl earring, Spring, Summer, fall, Winter and Spring and some other good new DVD's) reading books (I love Paulo Coelho and I just started Anna Karenina again) and listening, lots of listening. Probably soon I will have enough of my little retreat and decide to be more productive, but right now I don't need to and don't want to. Life will be hectic soon enough.
So Mom, don't count on me getting any less lazy in the next day or so. I'll see you on tuesday morning (7am) in the pool again. Untill then, I am not doing anything!
:)
November 26, 2004 02:16
I feel lazy, very lazy. It is 10am and I am still in bed. But, I have had an incredible morning listening to the Rosary Sonatas by Biber. Manze and Egarr brought out this incredible CD. I also listened to Rachel Podger and Gary Cooper in their Mozart Sonatas. The sound is so pure, I had teirs in my eyes. There was something so honest about the sound. More and more I am starting to be attracted to baroque recordings. And after having heard Manze and Egarr with the Pandolfi Sonatas I am kind of sold. With other words, I would like to start trying to get more information and knowledge and apply it to my own playing. If I could only get my Bach to sound this pure.I am looking forward to practicing, so talk to you soon!
November 22, 2004 05:55
So, here I am. In a Kinko's in Seoul. My last couple days in korea have been absolutely phenomenal. On Saturday the winners and about half of the jury moved to another town: Jinju. Here BoKyeoung was going to play Sibelius with orchestra again, Yue Lin the solo piece from Yun, Erin the Schumann first sonata and I played Franck. It was a very big hall for sonatas, roughly I would say at least 1500 people, but it looked definetly bigger then the Concertgebouw in Amsterdam (main hall). On top of that also this concert was televised (just like the finals - there is also going to be a double CD and a DVD...)And I finally played for my own taste acceptable. In fact, I think I played quite well. Ofcourse it was almost impossible to get that rough sounding French color i nit. I had to use all the lessons from Mr. Perlman on projecting and I played big, very big, especially for Franck, But within that sound range, I think I did a lot of nice things. So, I walked of stage and both my pianist and I were very happy. She played by the way also very good!
The next morning I left for Seoul. Erin and I had booked a room in the Ritz (no, we are not immediately spending all our money, it came up as one of the cheaper hotels at expedia!)
But we did not spend much time in the hotel, we left immediately for sightseeing. First we went to one of the palaces with the beautiful "Secret Garden". After that we had some original Korean Barbecue and we strolled some at the Naedemun Market. It is something I had never in my life had seen. So many peope, so many things being sold. You name it, it was there: from squid to dried herbs to christmas ornaments to clothes, cutlery, anything!
After that incredible experience Erin and I were invited for dinner by James Busswell. We went to a fancy Italian Restaurant (no more bibimbap for me!) and heard all about the editorial efforts of Igor Ozim and Mr. Buswell on the Ysaye sonatas. I got a copy of all the errata and I am looking forward to studying it better myself.
Today Erin left for the airport and I spend the day in different Buddhist Temples, in the hills around Seoul. I visited another Palace and I did the buy of a lifetime. Seven CD's with recordings of Kreisler, Menuhin and Heifetz plus a DVD of Oistrach and all of this for less than 50 dollars! I am one happy girl. So I will soon return to my hotelroom. Fill the bath with some soothing oil, put some of the CD's in the stereo provided in the room and relax!
These past two weeks have been enormous range of emotions and I am very tired. At the same time it has been an incredible experience. I got to experience an entire different culture, got to play and perform 4 times in one week, learned a lot about violin, found new inspiration and motivation for music and most important learned a lot about myself and have been growing.
I am looking forward to going home. It is goin to be a while. Tomorrow first a 13 hour flight to London and then I am spending the night there and then on wednesday I will be flying to Amsterdam.
It have been two incredible weeks. Thanks for all your support and sweet emails!
Back to "reality" and practicing!
Carla
November 19, 2004 18:44
Well, the competition is over. It was a very intense and dramatic week. What I did not write is that I got sick mondaynight and that I had withdrawn, but on strong advise of James Buswell I did continue in the competition. However I used every bit of last energy in the second round and my Tchaikovksy yesterday was ok, but not like I am used to playing it. So the results: the Korean girl Bo Kyueng Lee got first prize, Erin Keefe second, I got fourth (thanks to my appalling second round) and Yue Lin from China fifht. The jury told me my second round was really not good, but because of my Bach in the first round, they wanted to let me pass anyways. And then to think that I was not happy with Bach either.So, what did I learn from this: PRACTICE, PRACTICE, PRACTICE!!! It has been a good way to get back on track for me, after a very difficult year, but more even, it has proved that if I work hard, I can do it. Also, I learned I am a master at playing mind games with myself, and I really need to work on that. And the way to do that is not by saying, no more competitions, no, I should do a lot of them so I get immuum to the stress and games that are going on during a competition.
I think it has proven to be a very powerful experience and I am going home with lots of new motivation and maybe also ambitions.
But first today another concert.I am playing Franck Sonata again, but this time with music! I don't want to worry about anything, I just want to play as good as I can. I am very tired, my arms are still not as it should be, but I am looking forward to it. Oh, the other thing I learned, never to cram as much as I did this time. On the other hand, I also learned that if it needs to be, I can learn pieces very fast, which is a comfort.
We are moving this afternoon to another hotel and then tomorrow Erin and I are flying to Seoul for some sightseeing! And on wednesday I'll be back in my own bed... yes!!!
Waiting for bread and cheese or "hagelslag"!
Greetings from Korea!
Carla
November 18, 2004 16:56
Well, I ended up not doing much practicing at all yesterday. I was so incredibly tired, especially my left arm and hand. I tried some scales and my pinky was so tired it refused to go down. So I took it easy, went through Tchaik slowly, practised a couple spots and then went to rehearsal. The winds in the orchestra sound very good, some of them actually studied in Holland! While playing I realized I have now payed the Tchaikovksy on every continent on the north side of this world: America, Europe and Russia, and Asia. I am so incredibly lucky! I love this concerto so much. PLaying yesterday the second movement was a real treat and on the last page of the last movement I always get so excited. It is so much fun, to get there after all that work!I am trying to forget that I am at a competition, I just want to play well. Although it is hard to forget, there is a lot of money at stake and much more important, I want to show people that Tchaikovsky is not overplayed, but simply a beautiful piece. He wrote it at the lake of Geneva, a place were I have very fond memories of. My best friend now lives only several kilometers from where he wrote it (Clarens, in between Montreux and Lausanne). Tcaikovksy had basically run away from an unhappy marriage and then he met this violin friend, with whom he worked intensely on the concerto. I think it was a periode of great stress, but at the same time also a great release to him. And all of that you can hear in the concerto. There is despaire, sorrow, but never without a sparkle of hope. However dark things might seem, there is always somewhere in the orchestra or violin part a tiny little bit of sunlight.
But how else could it be. Imagine being at the lake. Behind it are the big alps, you can see mont Blanc and les Dents du midi quiet well from there. It does not matter if the weather is all ugly and nasty, those mountains stand there in all their majesty. And on some days there will be lots of clouds, it is misty, you can not even see to the other side of the lake. But the lake then becomes straight out of a fairytale, it has something mysterious about it. And then on sunny days, well, I can't really describe it: it is something you have to see, it is so incredible!
The concerto is a mix, I find, of this, together ofcourse with Tchaikovksy's slavis blood. The last movement being a dance with all its slavic rhythmes and melodies. The second movement is a song, a song about loosing innosense, but also regaining it!
The first movement is again quite dancing, it has a lot of elements of some of his ballets. At the same time, it is so lyrical. I can imagine putting a choreographie under this movement.
Well, that gives you an idea of what I'll try to make the audience part of this afternoon. I am very much looking forward to it, but l so incredibly nervous. I need to forget about the competition, past rounds, possible wins, everything! And just make music, the rest is out of my hands. The only thing in my hands is the violin and I would like to make her sing tonight.
See you later!
Carla
November 17, 2004 17:00
This afternoon we will have orchestra rehearsals. I will play second (before me is a Chinese guy playing Sibelius and after me again Sibelius with a very talented Korean girl. Her room is next to mine and her Paganini 17 was something to be very jealous of!) and then last ist Erin with Brahms concerto. I am really looking forward to it. But first we have an interview this morning. I am in the mood for some very good scale practicing today and I wish I would have brought Kreutzer. I think I need to do some cleaning, because I have been so stressed the last week. But I will probably just play some Bach, which is always very cleansing and maybe some Mozart too.I am very excited about everything.
It is weird how one can go through such a range of emotions within a week, caused by something like a competition. I don't play better or worse (well, maybe a little bit better, because I worked really hard the last weeks) and I am sure I am not a better or worse person and still I feel so much better. When I came here the whole competition mood was awful. By now I have made several new friends and I am feeling so much better. I guess lots of my judging my own performance must have been also based upon feelings and not so much on reality, because it cannot be that I found my playing to be really bad and an entire jury decided that both times I got to go to another round.
I remember I had the same at the Tibor Varga and Mr. Updegraff yelled at me, because I told him my Tchaikovksy had been really bad, but somehow I got first prize.
I guess I need to learn to be somehow more objective.
I am looking forward to the rehearsal, it is such a treat to play Tchaikovksy, I really love that piece, as much cliche as it might sound. I hope they will record it, I would love to have a tape of one of my performances (didn't get one from Russia).
Well, greetings from Korea. Talk to you all soon!
Carla
November 17, 2004 03:52
I have no clue what happened. I have had more memoryslips during my second round, than in my life combined. But... I am in the finals! I can not believe it. I really did not expect this. I think I need to go thank the jury on my bare knees as we say in Holland.After such a bad second round, I want to give them the most beautiful Tchaikovsky possible. Please send me all your prayers, good energie, anything, I will need it. I really want to play like I have never before. I can not believe this happened.
WOW. And then to think I almost withdrew about 3 times... I guess God had other plans...
At this point I can only be thankful. I will practice very hard. I am said, because a friend of Erin and I did not make it. Erin however is also in the finals. Two students from Juilliard, not bad.
Well, I will let you all know how things are going. Pauline, I will be playing for you too, especially the slow movement!
Oh yeah, a big thank you to my pianist. She was a great source of comfort and this morning we played an amazing Franck sonata during rehearsal. I think I owe her a lot!
greetings from Tongyeong,
Carla
November 14, 2004 18:19
I have not slept. Music is going through my head and I can not stop it. Only 27 hours away from the 2nd round, actually if I say it like that it sounds like a lot...Today will be my first rehearsal with the pianist on Franck and Gasa. Franck needs to be by heart, but with all the stress on Gasa and Ysaye I have not had much chance to look at Franck yet. I am kind of sad, I met a couple nice people, but some of them are leaving today. Somehow that always seems unfair. I mean, they have prepared all these pieces, and I think everybody should at least get to play Gasa, since it is so much work and one probably will never play it again.
I like Gasa. It is hard playing it rhytmically. Many of the other contestants declared me crazy for practicing it with metronome, but I actually find it helpful. Also all those irritating eartraining classes come in really handy: Starer really does turn out to be helpful.
Erin showed me all kinds of pictures of Marlboro, I am thinking of applying. It sure sounds like fun, playing beautiful music with amazing people in a gorcious surounding. What could one wish more?
I am on one hand really stressed, there is still so much work to do on my pieces, but on the other hand I am deadly calm. Iam not worried about other contestants anymore. If I will get to the finals, great, if not, I can be proud that I made it this far, especially with the kind of year I have had. Somehow it seems very odd that when I return I have to go back into the hospital for more neurological exams en hopefully I can convince them to stop the meds I am taking (influences my memorie!)
Till tomorrow!
November 14, 2004 02:50
Only 7 of us in 2nd round... I am one of them, Erin is too. I need to go practice, very very hard. So I will talk to you all later!Greetings,
Carla
November 13, 2004 16:56
The day after...I barely slept tonight. I hate jet lag, but not as much as I hate the way I let my mind play games with me. I guess that's what competitions are about: mind games and how not to play them. I felt I was struggeling all my way through the first round, with the exception of... the Isang Yun piece. Of all pieces I suspected to be that my weakest of the entire competition program, but I felt completely comfortable on stage with it. It works much better in a bigger hall and with an audience I felt I really wanted to get them involved into the piece. However I was nervous, very nervous in Bach. Which I have not been for a long time, I feel normally very comfortable with the E Major. But I did not feel control of the bow and therefor I sometimes forced way too much. By the time I got to Paganini I was scared, very very scared. But I did not want to let the jury know, so I started with a big smile... I felt 9 was again very out of tune (this happened to me as well at Indianapolis) and than 23... 23 I feel utterly comfortable with. Once it gets to the fast part I put my brain at 0 and just play. I was thinking about something Mr. Perlman said: better risk everything and either loose or win it all, but don't go on safe. That's exactly what I did and somewhere in the middle of the fast part my fingers stopped BLACKOUT... MY WORST NIGHTMARE!!! After 10 minutes (ok maybe 2 seconds)of confusion and a very dazed look on my face (where am I, what am I playing, oh yeah Korea - Paganini) I went back to playing and gave it my all. I felt my playing was far from perfect, but I feel I did communicate something.
So as I walk of stage, ready to pack my violin for a long, long break and a Erin walks up to me and starts congratulating me, telling me I am full of S... and I am for sure going to get a prize... Was she at the same performance as I was? I mean, I did not make a major fool of myself, but was far from happy. She on the other hand was saying my playing was clean, in tune and musical. What distance can do in a hall... :)
So now have to wait for the results. I am not expecting anything, but after a long talk with my best friend in Switzerland this morning, I would like to get in the second round. Gasa is a beautiful piece and I am looking forward to playing it with piano. Also Ysaye is getting along quite well and in Franck I feel at home. We'll see what happens. I learned at least a lot and either way I think would be good for me. I am tired and need some sleep, which I won't get being in second round. We'll see...
November 12, 2004 17:37
A very short entry. I am playing last today. I drew lucky nr.6 ... Right before me is Christina Castelli (Queen Elisabeth Laureate) and Erin Keefe is before her (Nielsen 2nd prize)Pffff... I don't know how I am capable of drawing always right in the middle of the potential winners, in Indianapolis I did the same... Well, just want to play well, We'll see what happens.
Greetings,
Carla
November 11, 2004 18:30
It is 10 am here in Tongyeong and by now I have already practiced over 2 hours. I started my day out with some old fashioned scales. The teacher I had for the first 8 years would let me start every lesson with scales (a la flesch) and many different bowings. Then some arpeggios (with tuning machine) and some broken thirds and chromatic scales. It felt really good and got me into almost a meditative state. After that I worked two hours on Bach, cleaning it, playing it slowly, deciding what kind of extra's I want in it (I used to play the first time clean, as written and then in the repeats I would add all this little stuff, however they do not want to hear repeats in this competition and therefor I had to get my interpretation a little bit altered) and to top it off I played through the entire Partita and recorded it.It is gorcious weather outside and I will now go to the beach and listen to the recording. Tonight I will run the entire first round for my roommate and she for me, so that's a nice way of getting the whole thing together.
I feel good. After my initial shock of what the competition world is like, I decided I needed to take lots of rest, keep myself quite and just do my job and enjoy. After not having been at school or in a bigger group of musicians for the past year, it was a real shock.
I am really glad I came. My violinplaying has really improved through the preparations and it is an incredible experience to be in Korea for the first time.
I hope to maybe visit a temple this afternoon, but first I have about 4 more hours of practicing to do.
Keep you fingers crossed for me for the drawing of the lots tomorrow morning. I would rather not be first... :)
See you tomorrow!
November 11, 2004 00:17
So, I finally arrived. We are in a gorcious hotel, where all the contestants share appartments. Luck of the draw wants that I am sharing my room with a former Juilliard eartraining classmate. In fact, I heard there will 16 contestants of which 7 I think have a link to Juilliard. The names of the contestants are not official yet, they would not let me see the list but Erin (my roommate) knew about a whole bunch of them.Oh by the way, for the ones reading this, I am not as underprepared as it sounds. When I write I can play through Konigliches Thema somewhat decently, it means it's going quiet well, but ofcourse we are dealing with an international competition and therefor I am being very hard on myself. It's a way of motivating myself. I know what I am doing and the reason Gasa is not where it needs to be is because I have not had a pianist to work with. So no worries, I'll be fine... I think!
The unofficial list of participants is very impressive, prizewinners of the Queen Elisabeth, Nielsen and some other impressive competitions are here.
The environment is amazing. There are many little islands, imagine mountains coming right out of the see. Also, fall is just starting here and so the leaves are right now coloring, it is beautiful. In fact immediately in the ride from the airport to this harbor town, my view about Isang Yun's music started changing. Also, hearing he language around me all the time, is helping in finding a particular sound which I have been searching for in regards to Isang Yun.
The whole trip I have been incredibly excited to go to Korea and be here, but now I am here I realized that I had been travelling from tuesday morning on (it is now thursday afternoon) with very little sleep, 3 hours on the plane and 3 hours in the hotel in Seoul. I went to bed for a nap and I am a complete chaos. Also I practiced for an hour, which was utterly useless since I was so tired. I think I'll go for a walk in the muontains and then try again...
PS: If you want to follow the competition on the web go to www.timf.org/gimc and you can see our schedule and probably soon if I got lucky nr.1 to start :)
Greetings from Tongyeong!
Carla
November 10, 2004 08:58
Greetings from Seoul. I got stranded here since my flight to Busan got cancelled because of bad weather. Another competitior from London had the same problem, so we are spending the night here in a suite in a nice hotel. But somemuch needed practice time has been lost.However, the food made more than up for it. I just came back from the restaurant realizing I had eaten chicken feet and actually liked it. Not so much the chicken heart though. We had to take our shoes off and sat on the floor. Real fun.
Tomorrow we hope to arrive in Tongyeong, in the South of Korea and hopefully the weather will be better. They are supposed to have an amazing temple there and I hope to visit it before the competition starts. I just found out sonatas have to be by heart, so I have still a lot to do.
Talk to you tomorrow!
Greetings, Carla
November 8, 2004 05:36
Yoohoo! Today I was able to play through Konigliches Thema in a way that the piece actually sounded like a piece of music and not some boxing fight I am having with the violin. Strangely enough it seems that hard practice does pay, hmmm, maybe I need to do it more often.No jokes, I am starting to feel comfortable with the Yun piece of the first round. It is about time, because in 5 days the first round will take place. I have not spend the time I want on Bach and Paganini yet, but I know it will get there. More trouble is in the second round. I now know Ysaye V almost by heart, but Yun's Gasa still has not recieved any attention. But after Konigliches Thema I am thinking it will not be so hard anymore.
Whatever happens in Korea, I think I already got something very good out of the preperations. My left hand feels much more solid than it has in the past years. Because of all the jumps and weird chords, I feel much more at home with the violin and I can notice some real progression.
Yesterday I performed with Ton Hartsuiker, the former president of the conservatories of Utrecht and Amsterdam, the 1st sonata by Pijper. It was fun. It was in a little monastery in the middle of the red light district in Amsterdam. In fact, when I would open the blinds in the green room I would be looking straight at two ladies sitting in front of a window, offering their services. Weird, even I am sometimes still shocked at things in Amsterdam, especially when they are in your face like that. The hall in the monastery where we played was small, but a perfect space for intimate chambermusic concerts. Afterwards I went for dinner with one of the pianists that played in a very fancy hotel / restaurant. One of the things I really like about playing concerts etc. is that I really get to live the good life. I feel so fortunate to be travelling as much as I am, and to really be able to spend time with people in nice places and enjoy good food and wine over a discussion about art (and currently ofcourse always a little bit of politics). I mean, how many people really get to do stuff like that on a regular base.
Ofcourse sometimes it is hard. A couple years ago, I flew every 2 weeks from the US to Europe, and after a couple months I was completely exhausted. But in general I love my life as a musician.
I think one of the things that makes it possible for me to enjoy so much at this point is the fact that I have been living in my home country for almost a year now. I had been living in other countries for the past 7 years and had lost the sense of what "home" was. But now it is great to travel and afterwards to come home and sleep in my own bed. It really has provided me with a balance. Not for long though, because I am hoping to return to New York in January, but that is for later worries. Well, I am going to practice some more and finish reading Helene Grimaud's biography.
Tomorrow I am on for 36 hours of travelling. Anybody know where I could practice during my 6 hour lay over at Heathrow or 4 hour lay over in Seoul? I guess I'll have lots of opportunities to give some try outs for waiting passengers of my competition program. I hope they have good in flight movies!!!
Next entry will be probably from Korea. Till then!
Carla
November 6, 2004 02:04
HELP HELP HELP!!! Three more days and I am flying to Korea. And I still have not had time to look at all at one piece. I just got through two others and have sooooooo much to do! even though I am thinking of cancelling, I decided that I want to go. Sometimes we do not have the luxury of being as well prepared as we want to and still have to make the best of it.And I still have so much to do, tomorrow a concert with ofcourse repertoire that has nothing to do with the competition. And tons of adminastrative things I have to arrange for "music in Beslan" before I leave. This morning I woke up at 5:30 being alll stressed. I could not even concertrate during my work out, like yesterday during swimming. So I got to probably leave that out for the moment.
This past week I was very frustrated, with people from V.com, but also a lot of my american friends. These elections have seperated people over the most strange things and the only thing I hope is that this crazyness will be over very soon!
Well, Isang Yun, Paganini, Bach, Franck Tchaikovsky and Ysaye are waiting for me... If anybody has any tips on how to learn Gasa in 3 days, they are most welcome!
A very stressed out violinist...
November 1, 2004 00:14
Monday morning 8am. Only a week to go before I go to Sout Korea and ofcourse my whole unit plan fell through, due to last minute trips to Switzerland and the UK. So now my usual competition stress started. This past night I dreamed about being at the competition and miraculously making it through the first round. However I could not play 2 out of 3 pieces of the second round and was wondering if I should pull out. Something which would be reality if I were to play the second round today. But if I were to get into the second round, I still have 2 weeks from today.On sunday I will play at a concert in Amsterdam. The program is music of Willem Pijper. I am playing with Ton Hartsuiker, the former director of the Utrecht and Amsterdam conservatories, the first sonata of Pijper. I have to say, it is actually a beautiful piece. For the people who like Ravel and Debussy Sonatas, take a look at this sonata as well. It is never played, but you can do amazing things with colors and all.
I also still have to get my visa and immunizations for Korea. Brrrrr, way too many things to do!
I'll start now with getting myself back to the gym (I have been going every single morning swimming or working out for the past month, never been so diligent in my life. I hope my practicing will catch on :) )
I promise I will get back to my lesson with Mr. Perlman from last week, it was really good and somehow I feel it transported me to another level of playing. But that's for later.
Ciao!
More entries: December 2004 • October 2004
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