Pondering 'Making It' and Self-Realization

September 27, 2008 at 5:34 PM

I was concertmaster all last year. We just had seating auditions. Now my standpartner has taken over the post, and she really is very talented and an incredible player. I'm happy for her, albeit bummed about losing the chair myself. However, I remarked with a friend of mine how it seems rather difficult to just enjoy music making when I'm worried about living up to the expectations of "concertmaster" and maintaining your seat. It feels like a better place for me for a variety of reasons. I'm now pushed to do better, but better able to enjoy the rehearsals and concerts. Strange, hm?

The discussion I posted about Nerves = Fight or Flight reflex has got me thinking. It's gone a direction I hadn't expected, and has left me feeling as though teachers are insecure about their rank in comparison to performers and vice versa.

I love teaching. My income from my private teaching is what supports me. However, the desire to perform is in every musician's mind. Some pursue but don't make it, some make it, and others give up to pursue other endeavors.

I'm left to ponder what the definition of "making it" is. I think it's self-fulfillment. You're doing what you wanted, doing it well, contributing, and enjoying yourself.

From Pauline Lerner
Posted on September 28, 2008 at 8:02 AM

Your last sentence sums it all up. I love your sense of values.

From Michael Makhal
Posted on September 28, 2008 at 1:20 PM

You are a person with great heart and it makes you a better musician every day. well, you were talking about the wishes to perform, its absolutely true. Please go through my blog, I am sure you will find it very very interesting, read the whole. click the link to get my blog: http://www.violinist.com/blog/makhal/

From Terez Mertes
Posted on September 30, 2008 at 6:34 PM

All very well-put. Congratulations for arriving at a better place (on all levels), even if it wasn't the place you necessarily intended to land.

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Pondering 'Making It' and Self-Realization

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