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October 18, 2005 at 7:54 AM

Early this morning, the father of a friend passed away.

While this was not my first time to console a friend on the passing of a loved one, it is the first time that I am able to do so with a full understanding of what it means to have lost someone close to you; my grandfather -whom I lived with for all my life- passed away earlier this year.

When I received my friend's txt informing me of her father's passing, I thought that I would be able to give more than just "condolences." I thought that, after all that I had been through myself, surely I could reach out to her on the same level. Surely, I thought, I could say something that would at least be comforting.

And yet I was dumbfounded.

I realized that my friend's father's death is a deeply personal experience, one that I could never hope to understand entirely. Death, I found, is a religious experience that leaves us changed in ways that no words could ever convey.

Each death is unique.

"My deepest condolences," I finally managed to type out, with the knowledge and fatal acceptance of just how poorly comforting those words are despite the rich understanding of what they truly mean.

From Pauline Lerner
Posted on October 19, 2005 at 4:04 AM

I encourage you to talk or write some more to your friend who is in bereavement. Say as much or as little as you feel comfortable saying. You can just send her a copy of what you've written on v.com, if that feels right. You are still grieving, too. Honest, caring communication could be very therapeutic for both of you.

I offer you both my condolences.

From Sydney Menees
Posted on October 19, 2005 at 4:16 AM

I am so sorry. I know what you mean, though. I was at a loss for words when my friend's mother passed away.

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