Nothing to do with music

September 29, 2007 at 9:38 AM

i know this has nothing to do with music but im posting it on any site i have any kind of blog

So when i first meet someone you'll notice one thing right off the bat,im shy.Or am I?Sometimes i seem cold and standoffish,or like im annoyed.
In a way I am.

In this bulletin Im going to explain why.

Words...cut like a knife. ever heard that saying? well its true for me very oh so true.when i was little i was teased alot(not going to know names).well ill start from the beginning

when I was real little i lived in Washington,i had so many friends,i was that bubbly kind of girl.The boys had respect for us girls,and i was never bothered.
Well my grandpa got sick.my parents felt the need to move to Washington to help take care of him.and I of course went along.So here i was in Alaska way out of my comfort zone.we went to my uncles church that he started and i soon learned...there wasnt much respect here.I tried to make friends(made a few) but i made many enemies.How, i still do not understand.i was constantly teased,had soda poured on my head,and was toyed with.I'd look to my parents,but they never saw it.I looked to my sister and brother,but they were busy with their own lives.I looked to my few friends and found comfort.Why they stayed friends with me I dont know.
eventually the teasing stopped but i was still hurt.i tried not to show it,I had built a wall around myself.not to mention with barbs.i began to hate my family,my enemies,my church,my life,and even God.
i gained an attitude,a disrespect,a hatred,and a need to die.again,why i still had those few friends?i dont know. My family couldnt stand me,i began to tease my sister unmercifulally.I began to back talk to my parents,and i forgot to talk to my Father.Later now that i think back on it...i was doing just what had ruined me.
I became proud.my pride was great.pride in what?I dont know.my thinking was backwards.
Now today i have rededicated my life to the Lord and am fully devoted to him.I had friends who stuck with me,family who tried to help me.teachers who loved me enough to break down that barrier.And Children to tell me im beautiful,funny, and amazing.

So my explaination you ask?
Im scared.Im scared to be hurt again,and to hurt again.
Why i never talk to guys?
Im scared,Im scared ill be hurt again,and to hurt again.
why?
Im scared,Im scared ill be hurt again,and to hurt again.

I dont think i need to say it again.

another thing,i hate looking in peoples eyes,i feel like they can see.(Dont they?)

From Jim W. Miller
Posted on September 29, 2007 at 6:04 PM

When I was a kid, I remember other kids that got teased unmercifully. They were the nicest people too. I think the problem was they were too nice to ever stand up in their own behalf. A bit of a vicious circle. You have to be captain of your ship, and not let others' opinons matter in that way. You background can cause you to behave certain ways unconciously, but you can always recognize it or predict it, and therefore do something about it. Relationship-wise, I don't fully understand what women have to deal with and how they go about it. But I see them making lots of mistakes in that department. All I can say is maybe more from the male perspective, which is that if someone wants to know you, they make it easy. If they don't want to know you, hey it's their problem:)

From Pauline Lerner
Posted on September 30, 2007 at 4:20 AM

Many people have problems similar to yours. They get hurt, and they become afraid to open up and be hurt again. It is a very difficult problem to deal with on your own. I'm glad you're getting some help from your religious faith. I would also suggest trying professional counseling.

From Drew Lecher
Posted on October 2, 2007 at 4:57 AM

Amie,
People can't see, only the Lord can, and He thinks you are beautiful and His child.

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