September 2007

Nothing to do with music

September 29, 2007 02:38

i know this has nothing to do with music but im posting it on any site i have any kind of blog

So when i first meet someone you'll notice one thing right off the bat,im shy.Or am I?Sometimes i seem cold and standoffish,or like im annoyed.
In a way I am.

In this bulletin Im going to explain why.

Words...cut like a knife. ever heard that saying? well its true for me very oh so true.when i was little i was teased alot(not going to know names).well ill start from the beginning

when I was real little i lived in Washington,i had so many friends,i was that bubbly kind of girl.The boys had respect for us girls,and i was never bothered.
Well my grandpa got sick.my parents felt the need to move to Washington to help take care of him.and I of course went along.So here i was in Alaska way out of my comfort zone.we went to my uncles church that he started and i soon learned...there wasnt much respect here.I tried to make friends(made a few) but i made many enemies.How, i still do not understand.i was constantly teased,had soda poured on my head,and was toyed with.I'd look to my parents,but they never saw it.I looked to my sister and brother,but they were busy with their own lives.I looked to my few friends and found comfort.Why they stayed friends with me I dont know.
eventually the teasing stopped but i was still hurt.i tried not to show it,I had built a wall around myself.not to mention with barbs.i began to hate my family,my enemies,my church,my life,and even God.
i gained an attitude,a disrespect,a hatred,and a need to die.again,why i still had those few friends?i dont know. My family couldnt stand me,i began to tease my sister unmercifulally.I began to back talk to my parents,and i forgot to talk to my Father.Later now that i think back on it...i was doing just what had ruined me.
I became proud.my pride was great.pride in what?I dont know.my thinking was backwards.
Now today i have rededicated my life to the Lord and am fully devoted to him.I had friends who stuck with me,family who tried to help me.teachers who loved me enough to break down that barrier.And Children to tell me im beautiful,funny, and amazing.

So my explaination you ask?
Im scared.Im scared to be hurt again,and to hurt again.
Why i never talk to guys?
Im scared,Im scared ill be hurt again,and to hurt again.
why?
Im scared,Im scared ill be hurt again,and to hurt again.

I dont think i need to say it again.

another thing,i hate looking in peoples eyes,i feel like they can see.(Dont they?)

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