September 17, 2005 at 5:20 AM

I was going to skip out on my violin practicing again tonight, pleading exhaustion and a massive to-do list, but I'm newly inspired reading about everyone else's violin activities. So thanks, Violinist.com bloggers. I'm going to pull out my instrument as soon as I'm done with this entry.

Right now I'm facing a difficult dilemma: whether to drop out of my community orchestra after this calendar year. I was so excited to have the opportunity to play in a big group again after six years, and I'd been looking forward to the start of the season since last May when I auditioned. The music is awesome, I like the director, and I get along with everyone in my section, especially my stand partner.

So what's the problem, you ask? I just don't feel like it's a very cohesive group, and feeling that sense of unity is an important element for me to be enriched by the orchestral experience. Case in point: we have only four first violins and no concertmaster. The director is planning to bring in four professional violinists to fill out the section for the concert (in fact, the woman who'll be playing concertmaster is my private violin teacher), but because his budget is limited, they're likely just to come in at the last second and essentially sight-read the concert. It's really not an ideal situation, in my opinion.

Also, I find that having to work on my orchestral music distracts me from my solo work. I guess I'm still in the process of figuring out where I really want to go with my violin studies. When I was younger, playing in an orchestra was the height of enjoyment, far more than practicing individually. Maybe my goals have changed now that I'm older and have a really excellent teacher for the first time in my life. I really want to be able to play the major concertos, even if I never get the chance to perform them. And while I acknowledge that this orchestral playing makes me a more complete musician, it's hard not to see it as just a big distraction from what I really want to do.

So I've got a few more months to make this decision, but it's kind of stressing me out. I know the director---whom I really like---would be really disappointed if I left, but I can't let that be the primary point of consideration. I'll see how I feel after the first concert next month. The music for the December concert (Handel's Water Music and Messiah) will be a lot easier, and maybe I'll find what I'm looking for then.

I'd welcome any thoughts or advice. Thanks for reading.

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September 17, 2005 at 5:20 AM

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