September 1, 2005 at 6:28 AM

The community orchestra I auditioned for in May started rehearsals a couple of weeks ago. It's been six years since I played in an orchestra, so I was really looking forward to this. I'm sitting inside second stand, first violin, which is a position I like; close enough to see the conductor easily but without all the responsibility of first stand.

The music's a lot of fun too. We're playing Franz von Suppé's Poet and Peasant Overture, Sibelius' Karelia Suite, and Vivaldi's Concerto for Two Trumpets. Although I know my playing's improved tremendously since I restarted private violin lessons in May (after 13 years without a teacher), I'm reminded how different orchestral music is from solo repertoire. It's good for me to play this stuff.

A few posts ago I wrote about priorities and where my violin playing stands in my own list. To revisit this subject again, I'm not sure how much longer I actually want to stay in this orchestra. I like the music and the people and the director, but with my time as scarce as it is right now, maybe it's just too much to attend a two-hour rehearsal every week in addition to my private studies. I don't have the energy I did when I was younger, and it's exhausting to go through a full day of work, fight rush-hour traffic, then play the whole evening and not get home until 10 pm. Not to mention the guilt I feel about seeing so little of my family.

I've also got little tolerance for the antics of some orchestra members---people who keep playing after the conductor's cut us off or practice while he's talking. Well, okay, there's only one person in my section who does that, but perhaps my level of irritation is yet another sign that it's not the right time for me to be in this group.

So, I'm going to see how I feel after the first concert. If nothing else, the program pieces are short enough that my older daughter (2 1/2 years) will probably be able to sit through them, and I think it would be nice for her to see Mommy on stage. I'd like to stick around for the winter concert since we're playing the Messiah, but after that, who knows. I'd feel guilty abandoning after only half a season, but the truth is I can't afford to spend time on anything I don't completely enjoy. And while I enjoy this, I don't know if I really, really enjoy it.

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September 1, 2005 at 6:28 AM

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