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August 6, 2005 at 5:20 AM

I haven't written in a while, because I've been feeling discouraged and a bit down on the violin. Things have been really crazy at work, forcing me to stay up late into the morning and leaving me too exhausted to practice. As a result, I've slid back and forgotten some things. And at yesterday's lesson, when Virginia asked me to play the first page of the Csardas for her, I was shocked to discover that I was nervous. I've never been nervous playing in front of her, but I was this time, and it showed. My pitches were way off, and that threw off my rhythm because I kept thinking, "Ugh, I've gotta get off this wrong note as soon as possible!"

We talked about what was going on, and I think I could explain how the nervousness led to the bad pitch which led to the bad rhythm, but I'm afraid it ended up just sounding like a big bunch of excuses. And although Virginia didn't say anything directly, I had the feeling she was disappointed in me. Or maybe I was just disappointed in myself and projecting that onto her.

But anyway, I'm done licking my wounds. My in-laws are visiting this week and I'm playing at my church service with my father-in-law on Sunday---just easy stuff, but I've got to get over being upset at what is, in the grand scheme of things, a really minor setback. There is, after all, only one way to fix the problem, and that is more practice.

I often spend more time than is warranted regretting the fact that I had such lousy teachers as a child and wasted so much time; twelve years of lessons and I never got past the Bach A minor. And now that I know what it is I want and need, I don't have the time to commit to it that I want. What I do have, though, is maturity and perspective, and I hope those things will largely make up for what I don't have in experience.

Why didn't you adjust the pitches to be in tune when you heard they were off?
I can relate, trying to practice after a long day of work is not easy. I usually lay down for and hour then cook dinner then practice.

Playing out of tune is part of learning, just keep playing through it and experiment with where you put your fingers until it sounds right, then keep doing that over and over, this is known as muscle memory and takes a long time to acquire. You must be persistant and have a good teacher. Its ok to take breaks just keep playing through it and dont give up.

Scott gave you excellent advice.