August 24, 2004 at 5:09 PM

If anyone wants to swap wedding horrors that are a little less part dream and little more part real life catastrophe...I've got a whole slew of 'em. He he. I practiced hard yesterday. Played through the entire Beethoven, then fell on the bed in menta exhaustion and actually fell asleep for an hour or so and then got up and played the Bach all the way through. Smoked a cigarette and massaged my wrist against the wall. Then played the Ysaye with many false starts. Remind me why, again, my teacher thought I have the stamina for this program? DOES HE WANT TO TORUTRE ME???? Perhaps my 20 min. increments of practicing this summer have lowered my ability to focus and CARE for an hour and a half. After the first movement of the Beethoven (where I convieniently skipped the cadenza because it was in a different folder across the room...) I just didn't care like I should. It made me sloppy. Then in the last movement, I found myself playing quite slowly because every passage seemed foreign. I think I've written about that before. When I can't focus any longer, I forget that I've ever even played the piece before. All bowings go out the window along with fingerings as I slightly panic and just try to get through it without my hand falling off of the fingerboard (does that happen to anyone else, by the way?) or totally screwing up a passage. This is frightening to a degree because whenever I actually get onstage, I already have to battle with the feeling like I don't know what is coming next all of a sudden. Even if I've been working on something for years. Hm. Guess I'll get to practicing for today. I'm procrastinating, of course....but really, practicing is all I have on my adgenda today. I am luckier than most folks, I realize. The average Joe would kill to have playing the violin their only main responsibility. Somehow I have found a way to make it stressful and catestrophic. Go me.
-JW

This entry has been archived and is no longer accepting comments.

August 24, 2004 at 5:09 PM

Subscribe

Laurie's Books