July 22, 2004 at 2:02 AM

Recording the Bach has become somewhat of an obsession with me of late. If you can call two days and a pending weekend "of late". I record it and save it and listen to it and if one little thing sounds out of tune or bad or wimpy or crunchy or rushed or.....then I do it again. I turn the air off because it makes for a lot of background noise, so I am usually sweating like a pig. I have to be careful about that because I have come dangerously close to destroying my instrument due to the acidity of my sweat. I have, get this, lamination where you touch in positions. That has solved the warping problem, but all the varnish has come off of the top and I'm now eating away at the wood. I've been told that it isn't a big deal because of where it is, but...hm. Anyway. So I still don't have a single movement recorded to my liking. It seems to get worse and worse, though I'm probably getting more and more critical, which is a plus. As I'm doing this, in the back of my mind, it occurs to me that I have become terrified of playing in public. I don't feel ready...my nerves don't feel ready. So I'm thinking of cancelling my Orchestral engagements until after fall semester. That way I can just focus on the stress of graduating. My recital mostly. And all the little performances that lead up to that. And the school orchestra and my assistantship....AHHHHHHHHH!!!!
-Jennifer

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