July 17, 2004 at 2:09 AM

I have decided that I am terrified of my recital in November and my exams, therefore I am so entirely stressed out that I can't practice well. Deep down I don't think I can do it, so it is depressing to practice. Knowing that, I have to talk myself into believing that it is possible, that if I fail the world will not come to a grinding halt. It doesn't mean that I'm not worthy of playing the violin. I have to RELAX. In many ways. I am practicing, but not my usual hours. Anyway. That is what I have determined the cause to be. It is affecting every area of my life. And every area of my life, in turn, makes me totally high strung and on edge about my playing. I always wonder, second guess, and doubt my ability to handle life and playing the violin. So naturally I'm terrified of a graduate recital as hard as the one I'm doing. I've always felt behind, and I let that push me. Propell me forward. I can't let it depress me. Or I'll get nowhere. Hmmm. Musings of today. I played the Bach Partita no. 3 all the way through twice, and each time it came out to exactly 20 min. So at least there is some consistancy somewhere!
-Jennifer

This entry has been archived and is no longer accepting comments.