August 25, 2005 at 8:58 PM

Today's orientation was astoundingly thorough. It's good to see that the CIM administration likes to take care of its students--even if it means keeping us until the last possible second before lunch. I feel pretty excited; I've taken care of signing up for my orchestra audition and first lesson, and tomorrow's chamber music reading will be a sort of round robin thing, so I signed up for Beethoven Op. 18s, Mendelssohn quartets, and piano quartets. I also ran into and met Celeste Golden, who is starting her Master's here. She was very nice and looked understandably a bit taken aback when I excitedly exclaimed, "I've seen your videos from the Queen Elisabeth online!" before even introducing myself (which, as I explained to Jim in my comment below, made people stare--but in a good way!). Being in such company makes me even more motivated to do my best here.

Practicing a Clementi sonata yesterday paid off as I do not have to take Secondary Piano. However, I was placed in the last semester of theory, partly because Northwestern is unusual in that its system is movable Do and at CIM it is fixed. I happened to be sight-singing a melody in D minor and got a bit mixed up, calling D "Do" half the time and "Re" half the time.

In practicing lately, I get glimpses of how there could be much, much more variety, creativity, and spontaneity in my playing if I simply work things out more technically. And in a way I do see how I have been "cheating" for the past couple years--certainly not intentionally, so I wouldn't call it a crime, but I now see how my instinct when making something artistic has been to make a dramatic body movement rather than to really face the technical problem and figure out the real mechanics of making the music come out in the sound alone. This is even selfish in some regard, because my style has certainly helped myself feel the music emotionally, and yes, it has conveyed it pretty clearly to an audience visually. But has it really helped me create mindblowing dynamics and phrasing? Of course not. It has showed intent, and I am very grateful for that. In the past couple years I have worked on that so much that it can generally be second nature to me; I can close my eyes at any time with or without the instrument and conjure up that feeling of inner strength and love and peace (though at my age I'm not great with the peace part yet), or what The Inner Game of Tennis calls Self 2. However, I can only fully embrace that side with complete freedom when I have everything else technically worked out, nailed down, under control. That needs to be my focus. It's great that I don't fake my emotions, but not so great that I have used them not only to add depth and soul but also to bypass some technical inconsistencies. It is one thing to think, "This is a gorgeous phrase that builds up in a sublime way," and quite another to think, "In order to build this phrase, I must diligently save my bow, and thus the effect will be created with pure skill--yet the integration of my intent as well will convey the meaning even more powerfully." The first way is a lovely romantic sentiment, but the fact is induces me to play with excessive body movements that don't really help except to show how earnestly I am trying; the second way combines the mind and the heart in a unique way, allowing one to to both let go and have complete control at the same time. This is definitely what has not yet congealed in my playing, and it is something I very much admire when watching the finalists in major competitions. I have many ingredients, but they are not yet part of a unified package. Conveying my feelings and my soul will be that much easier if I can put together its metaphoric pieces. They are not broken, but they are scattered.

August 25, 2005 at 8:58 PM

Subscribe

Laurie's Books