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January 26, 2007 at 3:15 AM

I'm so confused about school. Everything I feel about it is is mixed up. The pros and cons are so staggering, and I can never figure out if I'm happy there or not. I'm in such a completely different environment than I was last year. It's like being in a freezer and then being dropped into a pot of boiling hot water. I really enjoy being with all the kids there; that's the best part. Maybe the only good part. The adults at school, for the most part, are just horrible. There are so many people that don't care where they are, that seem like they wish they weren't where they are at all and not doing what they're doing. Maybe they're just depressed because they ended up working in public school as a carreer? I don't know.

For an example, this morning I was late and didn't scan in. I didn't know that I couldn't just go up to my advisory and tell my advisor I was there, because of course I was never told about how any of this stuff works, because apparently everyone already knows about it. But a woman, one of the cops always guarding the doors, said something like, "Nuh uh, girl, you got to go to the office and get a late pass." So I did, and asked very politely to the woman with very scary three-inch nails behind the desk, if I could get a late pass. She told me very rudely to go to another desk outside, and that woman told me very rudely I had to go back to the office....I was bounced around until the first woman told me what I had to do (which was very simple, go to this machine in the corner and scan my ID, and get a little card that printed out.)

Just the way people deal with things in general is so totally uncaring and they act so unhappy all the time. I always am polite as possible to the teachers, and this afternoon when I asked one of them geometry teachers if she knew where another was, she interuppted me before I was done talking, said "No" so harshly I was astounded and brushed past me out of the room. It's just shocking. And a lot of the teachers are just extremely stupid, don't know how to teach or take control of their classrooms. I guess it's true; you get what you pay for, and in this case I'm paying for nothing, so that's what I get?

Sometimes I wish I could go to private school or homeschool. I really like a lot of the kids at Masterman though, they're the only good part. If I homeschooled it would be harder to get as much social time. Though I would be a lot freer on weekends. I have no idea what to do, I'm totally stumped. I don't get to practice enough. I don't get to see my out of school friends enough. Should I homeschool and sacrifice really close relationships with people at school for so much more free time, more time to practice and pursue other things? I feel like in some ways my quality of life would be so much better. But right now I can't make a decision.

Tonight I watched the State of the Union address for extra credit for history homework. I wasn't as bored as I thought I'd be, and I could understand most of it. Then I spent a bunch of time trying to get it perfectly onto this stupid worksheet our teacher gave us to make him happy.

I just had a conversation with a friend I was pretty close to last year who went to a different high school and who I haven't seen all year. It made me kind of depressed because I do miss him. I miss so many people so much, like my Kinhaven friends. I can't make myself believe that I'm never going back to Kinhaven. Literally everytime I think about it my eyes well up. At all times, there's no place I'd rather be than there. It's like my home away from home and I can't believe it's not going to be part of my life anymore.

This entry was sufficiently long and depressing!

Wait, why can't you attend Kinhaven?

I know what you mean about the teachers, though. They say "Why would we go into teaching if we didn't love it?" but sometimes I'm convinced that they just couldn't find another job.

Alice,
So sorry to hear about all the negative things. High school should be an exciting time, opening your mind to all sorts of things.
I am going to make my daughter read this when she feels unhappy about her school; it is not perfect but most of the teachers are really "into" their subject and teaching, and that is a real luxury.
And I am amazed about the security/administrative/etc. I think adult behaviour is becoming an issue in many places. They should be the ones setting an example of correct manners, esp in a school!
I know what you mean about teachers who are just plain rude. And the ones who are just so terribly boring. I guess that's just high school for you, eh? We should write a book: The Essence of High School, includes a special chapter on wacko teachers.

xD There was this one teacher who I felt thought I was this little stuck-up brat. So I bought her a box of really, really good chocolates. Didn't seem to help. ;)

By the way, really nice picture. I like it a lot.
you have many fans here rooting for you
Your "disrepectful teacher" annoyance reminds me of a sub I had the other day... She told us to sit down and shut up. Then some kid wanted to sharpen his pencil, but she didn't let him because it was too "annoying." They were arguing about it and she asked him if he wanted some cheese to go with his whining. LOL!
OH--I feel soo bad for you!! I've never had to deal w/ all of that nonsense and annoyance because I've been homeschooled all my life...I do enjoy it but then somtimes I'm like oh--maybe It would be more "Fun" so to say if I went to a real school.. but then I get the freedom of studying in peace without annoyance....I don't know...You actually might enjoy homeschooling though...You could always use your extra time to email-IM-and yak on the phone w/ your friends and hangout too! There is my 2cents!!