If you're Amish and you know it, tend your farm...

December 31, 2006 at 5:45 AM

Whoa, Nelly, next stop is Altoona, PA. George and I are taking a short reprieve from our Pennsylvanian Christmas celebration, teeming with hordes of (non-Amish) Grossmans, in order to address the First Baptist Church in Altoona. I'm playing, and George is giving a missions update to fellow supporters in the congregation. I'm sure they're all itching to hear our tales of polar bears and igloos. Meanwhile, I will be taking notes to prepare my update for folks back in Alaska, about Christmas amongst the Amoses. (They're the three neighboring Amish farmers who happen to share the same name).

How I love the smell of Amish life, the wood stoves, the manure-spread cornfields... It's true, the Walmart in Lock Haven, PA, has hitching posts. I'd post some photos, but I'm not even sure how I got to the internet this evening. Whatever it was, it was about as slow as--insert another Amish joke here--.

I'm looking forward to tomorrow's performance. As shallow as it sounds, I would attend that church simply for its acoustics, were I to live in the area. They certainly knew how to make churches 160 years ago. You don't see stained glass like that in Alaska. This one has a domed ceiling and a pipe organ to boot.

By the way, if you ever feel that keeping two arms busy with music isn't quite enough for you, I highly recommend taking up the pipe organ. With all four limbs moving this way and that to gain control thousands of pipes, which encircle and saturate the sanctuary with collaborated volume, you feel like a mad scientist. Or the Wizard of Oz. Or something.

It's a real treat watching Grandma Grossman spinning out the hymns on Sunday morning, fingers flying, toes tapping. She possesses musical skills that are becoming increasingly rare with the passing of the traditional church. Nowadays, people complain when she lets out all the stops. It's too fancy, too old-fashioned, too--traditional. I say, let em rip, Grandma, and make sure you teach the young ones to do the same. Keep the cobwebs out of those big pipes in the back, and out of the sleepy heads of the complacent congregation. Live! Live! AAHH, THE POWER!!!

See, mad scientist.

I bet the Amish folk wouldn't think it old-fashioned.

From Tom Holzman
Posted on December 31, 2006 at 6:32 PM

If you have converted some polar bears to Christianity, I am sure they would be itching to hear about it. Have a Happy New Year!

From Jim W. Miller
Posted on December 31, 2006 at 10:12 PM

Just think; tomorrow will be 2008. Where did 2007 go? It seemed to go by so fast I can't even remember it.

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