June 18, 2003 at 1:54 AM

I am right in the middle of one of those self doubting mental breakdowns that I get every once in awhile where I question my ability, and lay around and cry and yell about how I am not going to get into any schools or amount to anything. Then I fall into my parents arms and they say, oh yes you will, just turn that emotion into more practice... I do this alot, but I am particularly bummed. And the thing is, its not a founded tantrum. Like, if I were not doing well in my studies with violin I can see having the sobfests, but I doing well, and working as hard as possible. I am just unstable I think. This will pass by tomorrow. I need some kind of guarentee. I need reassurance constantly. I should be more self sufficient. I just worry I am not working hard enough, and that I wont conquer and perfect my music, and not get where I want to be. Whine whine whine, I know. but I am just in the mood.

chloe