March 12, 2003 at 2:22 AM

i really odnt know hwat to do anymore.well, today wasnt great. i had schuberts class all day. then i came home and my mom yelled at me for dropping out of a little competition, b/c i had prep, and i couldnt miss is a week before the orchestra concert. i had my seating auditions also. im prepared to get last chair. i know they werent good. i know it. ugh damn it. and im worried about that competition. im sick of people telling me im messing up my life. mom actually said i could have ruined my college acceptances bc i didnt do this little f--king competition. omg. give me a break. i want to quit. i hate viola. i dont know what to do anymore. i know im not going to win this upcoming competition. everything has been going wrong musically for me. maybe i should quit. it seems like a sign. i just dont know what to do anymore.