March 9, 2008 at 5:33 PM

Have you ever had one of those moments where there's something you want to say but you just can't find the vocabulary to express it and it propels you towards frustration? It's kind of like trying to communicate with someone who's native language is not one you speak fluently. You can get the point across but you can't really fully express or effectively communicate your ideas because you don't know and understand and breathe the subtleties of the language. It's like playing a scale without vibrato, it's good for practicing intonation and technique but it's boring to listen to on its own. Lately I feel like I'm having a lot of those moments and so far nothing is really helping me get my point across and somewhere in the chaos i'm not really sure what my point is anymore or what exactly I was trying to say in the beginning. I feel like I'm running in circles with my thoughts because I just can't get beyond them to express them in a justifiable way. A way that fully communicates what they mean to me! It's irritating!!!

Now for a "finish the sentence"... Opera is..... or maybe more specifically modern opera is....... (fill in the blanks)
This past month I've had more than enough of my life consumed by opera. Opera rehearsals, opera dress rehearsals and opera performances. Maybe if I actually enjoyed the opera I was playing in I'd feel differently but for my first big performance of opera music I wasn't exactly left feeling like I ever wanted to play another opera. The set was pretty cool and some of the singers were amazing but I don't really get to enjoy that aspect much when I'm sitting in a whole in the ground encased by concrete which amplifies the sound of all the instruments, especially the brass.
I'll be happy to be getting back to "normal" orchestral repertoire this next week to say the least.

Tis the season of recitals. I've been invited to so many and asked to play in just as many! It's so hard to pick which ones to go and which ones to pass by. I've agreed to perform in Faure's requiem which will be exciting! Two performances of it at the Chan Centre! And I will actually be singing for a different requeim at the end of the month in addition to performing in orchestra again and now I'm trying to sort out my schedule to see if I can/should perform in a composition concert on April 4th. Concerts concerts concerts! It's insane!

From Yixi Zhang
Posted on March 9, 2008 at 10:26 PM

“Have you ever had one of those moments where there's something you want to say but you just can't find the vocabulary to express it and it propels you towards frustration?” No, not frustration, but terrifying! Ha, the life of an immigrant desperately wants to be understood and taken seriously:- ) Gradually, I learned to cope it by leap of faith in the intelligence of myself and others: it's amazing how transparent our mind is. It really is.

I envy you for getting to sing Faure's requiem!

From Pauline Lerner
Posted on March 10, 2008 at 6:10 AM

Faure's Requiem is beautiful. You're fortunate to have the opportunity to play it.

I, too, have experienced the inadequacy of words. I think that's one very good reason for playing music.

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