March 22, 2005 at 1:12 AM

I've had a new experience with nerves. I've been very nervous before, in the past, but this was a bit strange this time around. I am not one to normally get nervous. If I get nervous it's usually because it's a new type of experience for me or that someone is sitting there with the score watching every note I play. Nerves, when they do affect me, usually result in a bit of anxiousness and butterflies right before I play, but once I begin playing, they go away. This time I was just really stressed out and wanted to play more than anything to get it over with. I was playing the Barber concerto, which in all fairness I had only had memorised just over a week and it was my first performance of it ever and to add to that there was a person sitting there with a score as it was for a competition. I was overall mostly excited about playing it until about 2 hours before I had to play. I for some reason just got really focused and stressed at the same time. It finally came to my turn to play and I just was trying to stay relaxed and remembering to enjoy the performing experience. I played and all in all, for a first run at the work and everything considered, I was pretty pleased, after walking off stage though that's when my nerves started to hit me. My body just kind of vibrated and I couldn't make it stop. It was kind of weird. I was relieved to have finished playing, but for some reason my body just decided that all the nerves and stress I had supressed leading up to and during the performance should be let out. Luckily the shaking ceased before I had to get up and play my other piece.

The competition last week went really well overall. I played a rather large program, as mentioned before, but I, on a whole, felt very comfortable with it and just had a good time playing. I got some really good feedback and some things to work on, so it was a constructive few days! It's nice to know I'm able to play that much stuff and still feel comfortable, confident and prepared. It was also good to be able to perform all this repertoire that I've been working on for the past while. It's a great sense of accomplishment to have been able to do that and then to have my teacher and other mentors there to support me and encourage me made it all the better and more exciting for me!

Now that the festival/competition is done and out of the way, it's back to that lovely technique and vibrato practice. I've got a lot to work on, but it will definetly be worth it. At my lesson on Saturday we covered a lot of things and I'm not in the process of picking some new repertoire to help aid in all this technique work. It's frustrating in some ways that the more you learn the more there is to learn but it's exciting too. At least I won't be bored, ever, with there being so much to learn and grow on.

It's nice to be off now from school and teaching (for the most part). I can get caught up on music history for my exam and enjoy a couple weeks of a less hectic schedule in general! I might even have a chance to go and get my driver's license :O!

Nothing too amazingly exciting new.

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March 22, 2005 at 1:12 AM

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