Note 8 A Time to Listen

March 28, 2008 at 3:48 AM

My friend Carol had played the violin. She had a stroke.
She has been hospitalized for several weeks. When I first started up with the violin I felt no shame calling her up and rushing to her apartment to ask her to tune my violin. She still had her violins. She had studied this instrument in grade school and high school and also had a piano at her place. She let me play "Twinkle,Twinkle." She did not laugh and tell me that it was "'cute" that I had something to do now that I was retired. She gave me suggestions and criticisms.
We are the same age for one day a year and the rest of the year she is younger. Thai is our little funny story. We give each other cake and a birthday card on the day we are "even." Carol can spell better than me. She can balance her checkbook. She writes great articles and reads everything she can get her hands on.
Carol has a job at the church and when she had her stroke, four of us volunteered to help fold the 1,700 odd copied of the 4 page monthly newsletter to get it ready for mailing. This process took four of us 5 hours. We stuffed the pages, we folded it and put tape on three sides and then affixed the mailing labels, sorted by zip code, counted and rubber banded the piles. Carol used to do this. We were all there to help out with her job. A retired Air Force Reserve man who we knew was a generous donor to the food pantry, a man with a cane who used to be a great swimmer, a stout elderly woman who had managed a roomful of people at a large savings institute and me, the new violinist /retired teacher/librarian.
An odd bunch, we were all Carol's friends. The next mailing she was still hospitalized. The stroke had made her speech difficult. Carol used to remember everyone's birthday, she helped at all the weddings, She was blind in one eye and could hardly see out of her good eye. For legal purposes, she is considered blind.
Our group had doubled for the second mailing. We had 8 pages and it only took 4 hours.
We had added another pretty red-haired woman whose son was in the military, the ever cheerful Associate Pastor who is currently working on her singing voice, the church secretary with two new Westie pups and the pastor's wife who ran a water aerobics class and the church Book Club. Carol had to hold the books up to her nose but she read every selection and attended every meeting. She taught Sunday School and has stories about all of our kids. My three boys were not exactly ideal students but she had all three of them and they didn't get by with very much nonsense in her classes.
We found out a lot about each other. We never would have such fine discussions had Carol not united us by her circumstance.
As much as I keep plugging away at this violin I have found that it is a wonderful thing to be able to get out of self imposed isolation and really listen to other people or to read what they have to say in their blogs. There is an energy in being united with people who are all pulling in the same direction. We are an odd bunch.
Now, I resume my practice.

From Pauline Lerner
Posted on March 28, 2008 at 6:15 AM

I feel so sorry for Carol. I don't know what the prognosis is, but I hope for the best. She sounds like a remarkable person, and you're lucky to be her friend.

One of my best friends had a stroke in her sophomore year in college. I was going to write about her in this response, but I have too much to say. I will write about it in another blog.

Again, my sympathy goes to Carol, you, and the rest of her friends. I wish her luck in her recovery.

From Bernadette Hawes
Posted on March 28, 2008 at 8:50 AM

Thanks Kim. I have to say I shed some tears. Knowing now just a smidgeon of the hard work and hours it takes to learn violin, it's so tragic when someone loses that and more through illness. Illness can also be very isolating. I know some here who find it hard relating to a lady with Huntingdon's because it is hard to understand her somewhat slurred speech. They would rather make flower arrangements for weddings. OK, useful, but a bit of time to ease someone's loneliness is a great gift.
Carol seems to have a wonderful spirit, and it's drawing you all together. Cherish that. It's in working together that you also learn more about people and having a wider perspective also helps us over rough patches so we don't fall into a pit of self-pity ourselves.
I hope and pray you'll have lots of fun doing what you're doing and that Carol will go a long way toward recovery. Thank you for posting.

From Tom Holzman
Posted on March 28, 2008 at 8:12 PM

Strokes are terrible. They took both of my parents and not quickly, so I know the ravages they wreak. However, as with many of these awful situations, there is an effect on the people around the sick person which can be beneficial to some (although sometimes not to others). It sounds as if you have made lemonade out of the lemons. Good luck to Carol!

From Corwin Slack
Posted on March 29, 2008 at 5:59 PM

I received a request for permission to share this blog entry. So far as its mine to give its fine its fine with me.

From Corwin Slack
Posted on March 29, 2008 at 6:00 PM

Oops posted against the wrong blog

From Nick Ittzes
Posted on March 29, 2008 at 10:35 PM

I had a stroke about three months ago. I was in the midst of memorizing Partita #2 by JSB. What a shock to have a lame left hand and not be able to find the strings. But I've come back. Praying friends and determination. It's wonderful that so many good things have come out of your friend's circumstances. But do tell your friend, "Don't think it has to be over. Exercise your brain. Find an outstanding pedagogue and take lessons again." I am signally blessed to have Dr. Brandon Christensen as a teacher. He's at Southeastern Missouri State University... if your friend is anywhere within reasonable driving distance.

Look up "The Brain Fitness Program." Neurophysiology has made tremendous strides in the last few years.

Start practicing again, and take it easy on yourself; silence your inner critic. I'm thinking of starting a "Geriatric Suzuki Class" as soon as I qualify to start a Suzuki Academy" to encourage older people. I am planning to audition this summer with Mozart #5 vln concerto. I'll be using the classics, too -- Sevcik, Kreutzer, Paganini, etc.

This entry has been archived and is no longer accepting comments.

Note 8 A Time to Listen

Subscribe

Laurie's Books