May 2, 2003 at 5:44 PM

Well today basically SUCKED major. I dont even know why. yeah i do. We had a showcase this morning for the Fine Arts Center. EVERYthing went wrong. and i dont know why it all had to do with me somehow. You know how when you have a concert or something that the teacher gets more ornery than usual?? Well mine was horrible. Ok, nothing went wrong until we were getting ready to go onto the stage. I was first to go since I was sitting 1st chair in the chamber piece we were playing. The director of the school was talking ya knwo to give an introduction when my teacher is telling me to walk on to the stage. I thought that it would be rude to do that while he is talking so I said no. What do you think?? Rude or not?? Well I was against it so that made me mad when finally I went and the director got the idea that we were making him leave the stage. NOT MY FAULT> Well then we were on the stage when where we were sitting the AC was blowing the music away. Classic ya know? Well I told my teacher and asked what I sould do, then he told me that real musicians would have had their music in a black folder taped so that they would have never had this problem. then he told me that since I didnt have mine in a folder that I was obviosly not... A real musician. What is that about?? Huh ? destroy a child before they play a piece that takes total concentration ??? Yeah of course he wanted that to happen. JERK. So then I played horribly because I was so angry at myself for not being a rEAL musician. I was crying before i even got off the stage. if you know me I dont cry . Ever. I am supposed to be a tough girl with no emotions but that is not what happpedn to day. Then I find out that he has told another student that he thinks that I dont practice enough and that he is glad that I decided not to go to NCSA. He never thought that I would make it. I dunno all the pressure is realllllly starting to get to me that I wont ever be as good as he wants me to and that nobaody is good enough for him, except himself. I just had a horrible day and I had to tell someone, oh yeah now I feel like I must go and practice from after school to Dooms Day. Well have a great day everyone, if possible, not for me.

May 2, 2003 at 5:44 PM

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