April 27, 2005 at 8:43 PM

Today I was in Brussels. As of right now I believe there are still 137 candidates. Many of them I know, there are already several students of Mr. Weilerstein (3 out of his class in NYC), there are 5 Dutch violinist, I believe this to be a record and all of them are amazing players, such as the assistent concertmaster of the Concertgebouw and the former winners of the Britten and Sion Competition, I never realized Holland had that many good players!
There are people I met at competition in Korea, Vienna, Sion and there are some people I know fro watching the QEC 4 years ago, some finalists from last time are again participating.

The jury is not anymore the jury it seems to have been for the past 20 years, it is younger, with for instance Mihaela Martin and Yayoi Toda (Who won the competition about 12 years ago). For years there were names such as Igor Oistrakh and Herman Krebbers. But Augustin Dumay, Pierre Amoyal and Igor Ozim are for instance also there this time.

About Augustin Dumay I have a funny story... A couple years ago I had to go to Portugal to play the Mendelssohn there. At the airport I saw a violincase with a person belonging to it that looked awefully familiar to me. I could not remember his name, or where I would know him from, but I figured I'd go up and just say hi. We talked for a bit, although he never mentioned his name. I figured I had probably met him in Verbier or somewhere alike. All of a sudden, during my concert I realized what his name was... Augustin Dumay... and I knew him... from the front of the CD cover at home!!! Oooooops... This will give me a chance to set things right :)

Today I had the chance to play in the hall. And all of a sudden, being on the stage, that fear I had experienced in Korea, was back. My knees where like jello, I had no control over my fingers, my mind decided to leave me at all (at least the common sense part of it... I was thinking only HELP!!!! OUT OF TUNE!!! WHAT PIECE AM I PLAYING? WHO ARE THOSE PEOPLE IN THE HALL -...my mom...- and alike.)
I never have experienced fear of failure like this. I am nervous for concerts, but it is a kind of excitement. This is quite different. On the way back I started wondering why I am doing this to myself, especially since I really love playing concerts, which seems to be in such contrast with what I am currently experiencing. I can not give a decent answer to the question. It almost feels like being afraid of hights and therefor going to the top of the Empire State Building.

At the moment I am trying to tell myself, it is only going to be 20 minutes of playing. The worst I can do is make a fool of myself for that moment in time and what then, what's lost then? But even when my mind is telling me that, my feelings are telling me quite a different story. A job at the local supermarket seems quite ok right now for a career, I don't want to have to go to the agony of being compared to 136 other violinists...

My pianist friend Reto spoke some encouraging words this past week: He really told me to put it in God's hands and trust him. Yesterday I read an interview with a Korean Soccer player for PSV, the champions here in Holland. He said that he learns the most from loosing games. I guess with music you can not really loose, but these situations teach me a whole lot more about me, my playing, its strenghts and weaknesses, so I will just go for that.
And I'll take it as a very good sign that the mother of the last winner of the competition is my official pianist!

Greetings from a very nervous violinist...

From Jim W. Miller
Posted on April 27, 2005 at 9:10 PM

Do not give yourself the luxury of being nervous. Do the job like a soldier.

Half the 2nd round is a Mozart concerto. You already won the Julliard concerto competition with that didn't you? Look forward to the 2nd round.

From Emily Liz
Posted on April 27, 2005 at 11:02 PM

All the best, Carla! You're in my prayers!

From Pauline Lerner
Posted on April 28, 2005 at 2:31 AM

Hang in there, Carla. Try to put everything out of your mind except the piece you're playing. Don't let other thoughts get in the way. You have a lot of fans here cheering for you, so take a deep breath and give yourself completely to the music.

From Christian Vachon
Posted on April 28, 2005 at 5:12 AM

Hi,

Carla, good luck!!! This will be probably the dumbest response of all, but here are some famous words said when David Oistrakh was asked about revelations concerning violin playing, playing in public, etc. He replied "Yes.... just.... PLAY!"

You can play. You just play like you. They will decide what they want, but all you can do is play, and that you can do! So...

This may not help and sound really dumb, but those are my thoughts.

CHEERS and ALL MY VERY BEST!

Christian

From Carla Leurs
Posted on April 28, 2005 at 5:42 AM

Thanks for the encouragement.
I am focusing way to much indeed on external factors and need to get back to basics: the music! Actually, I am excited: both in the Paganini's (especially in nr.11) and in Bach I feel like I really have something to say, somehow I was able to bring a "dance feeling" to the a minor fugue. I just need to focus on sound and slow vibrato, and for the rest just have fun.

I'll leave my brain at home! :)

From Pieter Viljoen
Posted on April 28, 2005 at 6:39 AM

Hi Carla,

Best of luck to you. Don't try and change anything at the last minute, forget about yourself when you play. Keep us posted!

PS. Did you get my second e-mail?

Good luck, and best wishes.

From Patty Rutins
Posted on April 28, 2005 at 2:25 PM

Carla, best of luck. Sounds like you're doing exactly what you want to do -- play concerts!

Just remember -- those slobs out in the audience will think that you're grand even if you miss every note and make the whole thing up as you go. And besides, chances are you'll never see a one of them ever again, except cloaked in the darkness of the concert hall.

So don't worry about them -- play for yourself.

And as for a "dance feeling", (though I don't know the piece you're talking about) as a fiddler I know that a dance feeling is pure rhythmic drive. If it's in 6/8 or 9/8, the last eighth of each triplet should be slightly accented; in 4, accent the 2nd and 4th quarters, or again, accent the leading beat. The idea is that the accents come when the dancers' feet are up, to propel them higher and give them a bounce in their step. So, BOUNCE!BOUNCE!... etc. :) It's amazing what a fun feel it can give to a classical piece.

From Pauline Lerner
Posted on April 29, 2005 at 4:15 AM

Carla, you're sounding much better. I like your advice to yourself, "Just have fun." You'll be great!

From lorenzo Z
Posted on April 29, 2005 at 8:56 PM

hooray you're back! welcome..good luck :)

From Sarah Vandemoortele
Posted on April 30, 2005 at 10:48 AM

Hi, I've read your blog and I say: Good luck with the QEC! One of these days I will come listen to the preselections in the conservatory. It's very interesting for me, as a student, to know how people play Bach, Paganini and Ysaÿe. Maybe I will hear you, who knows...

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April 27, 2005 at 8:43 PM

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