October 13, 2005 at 9:47 PM

I started working hard again. The pianist I am playing next weeks recitals with arrived from Switzerland and we are rehearsing several hours a day. Honestly after the first day, I did have a muscle ache, something I did not have for a long time.

But what a pleasure it is to play together. On the program is Grieg op.13, Prokief Op.94 and Brahms1. Today we mainly spend time working on the Brahms. This piece reminds me of somebody I dearly love, who died way to young. It was her favorite piece and she always dreamed of playing it (she played the piano).
The first movement is interesting: it says "Vivace" but the themes are so lyrical that it is easy to loose yourself in a wonderful tonedigging sobbing and forget that at all times hope should shine through the music. The second theme is one of the most powerful themes in chambermusic and often makes me nearly cry. Not because it is sad, but because of the hope that is woven in those four bars and then an octave higher repeated, together with the piano.
The second movement is a beautiful memory, presented by the piano. The violin expresses the emotions about loosing this memory - frustration and sadness about it being no longer present and it being a memory, at the same time there are spots with a smile thinking back about "good times", but there is also plenty of room for frustration and anger.
The last movement combines material from the previous movements in a very organic way: raindrops in the pianopart (theme is from the Regenlied, that's why it is called the Regen (=rain) Sonate)
Brahms wrote his sonatas at the lake of Thun, in Switzerland. I think it is funny that Switzerland is my favorite place on earth and my favorite pieces are written there! (Tchaikovksy Violin Concerto was written at the Lake of Geneva, just in between Montreux and Lausanne, and the first time I practiced it, I was at the Menuhin Academy, just one village above where Tchaikovksy put the notes on paper)
Thun is a beautiful place. When you take a train from Gstaad (where the famous Menuhin festival takes place every year) all of a sudden the mountains aside you are gone and the train arrives at the lake. It gives such a feeling of freedom. Brahms translates that freedom so beautifully in the music and I am searching for ways to reflect that in my tone.

It is very strange. These concerts seemed so far away for the longest time and now all of a sudden it is october. I really am no longer a student, the schoolyear has started, most of my friends are back at Juilliard and at full speed writing midterms and more fun stuff like that. I no longer are under the heading of being a student of/at... These concerts I will be Carla, something which scares me. I can't hide behind what other people say or think: one of the things "not being a student" means, is taking responsibility for your own choises, not hiding behind what your teacher says. Not that my teachers told me how to play something, but I knew if something was out of line, I would get corrected on that, or I would encouraged to continue on that way. I don't have a lot of trouble doing the correcting part, the encouraging part is much harder. If you are negative about your playing, you don't have to risk of the disappointment of other people and deal with it, because you already thought it would be no good. Now I stand on my own, taking into account that there will always be people who don't like what I am doing. That's scary, because as a musician I put my entire soul into music and it can feel like me as a person is being rejected instead of my interpretation.

It is ok. I am, who I am. I'll play the Brahms with my entire heart (as well as the rest of the program) and I hope I can touch somebody with it. Because the music is amazing and the person I am playing this for, absolutely worthy of such music. My hope for the coming concerts is that the audience might share in the wonderful journey Brahms has taken my pianist and myself on.

From Bram Heemskerk
Posted on October 13, 2005 at 10:26 PM

Carla, I heard your orchestra Amsterdam Sinfonietta in Leiden tonight with Janine Jansen 5th Mozart, but I missed you.

From Jim W. Miller
Posted on October 14, 2005 at 12:27 AM

Don't worry about rejection. I don't like fish or chicken, but it doesn't mean they don't taste good. But if you get rejected a lot, it might mean you don't taste good.

Isn't there some way to hide as "former student of..."?

From Gwen Falconer
Posted on October 14, 2005 at 12:39 AM

It's beautiful to hear you will be playing with your entire heart. It's those who do that make music so special. Good luck with everything!

From Carla Leurs
Posted on October 14, 2005 at 10:56 AM

Hi Bram,
ik speel nog niet mee, omdat ik nog niet lang kan repeteren vanwege de brandwond, maar vanaf november ben ik van de partij. Als je het leuk vind, kan ik een kaartje voor je wegleggen voor het recital aankomende donderdag in het Bethanienklooster in Amsterdam, laat maar even weten.

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October 13, 2005 at 9:47 PM

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