December 26, 2004 at 1:05 AM

Running the race

Merry Christmas!!! I hope you all enjoyed a nice meal, but especially a warm and loving time with family, friends and lots of beautiful music!
My Christmas was restful. My mom has made a great dinner, and my grandparents were here to visit. We exchanged gifts (My brother and I finally gave my parents a weekend to a nice hotel, which we have promised them for years) and Santa gave me exactly what I wanted: a watch that tells my heartrate. Because I am not only wanting to participate in the Queen Elisabeth and graduating from Juilliard (which might cause my heart rate to jump), my other goal is running a marathon! Ok, stop laughing!!! I really want to do this! :-)

This summer I had some training with a private instructor and I asked him causeously if I ever were to be able to run a marathon. I did not have much confidence in my body and just figured I would have to be satisfied with less physical ability. But to my surprise he told me New York 2004 was not possible, however 2005 might be a possibility. For anybody that knows me personally: I got that glare in my eyes I get when talking about Dvorak Quintet, Tchaik and Shostakovich 1 concerto, or the swiss mountains.
Running a marathon seemed so out of my league. But after hearing it would be a possibility, I have set my mind to it. During the fall I have been working out almost every single day. After the competition in Korea I slacked, but now it is time to get back to it. Since I don't have a personal trainer anymore I decided to take things a little slower, so for the coming year it is my goal to finish half a marathon in a decend time.
Tomorrow morning I will start / continue my training with my new heartbeat watch from Santa.

I find more and more that music and sports have so much in common. Sometimes playing a concerto feels like running a marathon. Doing a competition definetly feels like one. In Holland there is a commercial for a sportsdrink about the man with the hammer that hits you at a certain point. Talk to any sporter and they know everything about wanting to give up. I have definetly experienced that in music, but also in other fields of life. But the human body and mind are capable of amazing things. At some point the body starts making a certain "happy hormone" while sporting and you can go past borders that you never imagined. same goes for music. Often there are these moments in practicing where you just don't want to, can't concentrate. When you leave that behind, you often have your best practice sessions. I did not have that high in playing in Korea, but by going on, not quitting, walking of stage, flying home, or just even giving up while on stage, I have grown. And on top of that, I never had a nightmare anymore about being on stage and not knowing my music. It happened, I got through it and the world did not end. I was not proud of the way I played, but even more proud for keeping my head high!
Looking at Olympic gymnast, the difference between a champion and a very good gymnast is not perfection, it is how they cope after a slip. Some completely loose it and make a hughe mistake, others go one to be in the moment and put of the analyzing, the eternal why is this happening, until after their performance.

I don't want to win a marathon, but I want to grow from the process of preparing for it and the actual running it. Only when you actually go and run the race, you can learn what about your preperation is effective and what can be better or different. Same goes for music. We can practice until eternity, but only on stage we will know what the outcome is.
It might go for living too. We can think as much as we want about life. But life is not about philosophies in the end, it is about doing. We need to run the race, in order to get the prize. And that prize wil not be for being the fastest, the prize is our growth process, something internal and at the same time external. The prize is to go beyond ourselves, a place that we only can imagine in our dreams.

Christmas is good time to revisit dreams. It celebrates a new beginning. Running a marathon, getting a degree from Juilliard, participating in the Queen Elisabeth: all beautiful dreams, but none of these are the prize. They are only marks on the way to my prize.

From Pauline Lerner
Posted on December 26, 2004 at 4:25 AM

Carla,

I agree with you. Learning to play the violin (we're all always learning) is like training for a marathon in many ways: quiet determination, perseverance, persistence, patience with yourself and your shortcomings, keeping your eyes on the prize, finding satisfaction in every little increment of improvement, and, finally, doing things you thought you never could.

I wish you happiness and success in finding your own prizes in music, athletics, and anything else you care about.

Pauline

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December 26, 2004 at 1:05 AM

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