December 7, 2004 at 3:55 PM

My second day doing nothing. I am hooked up to an EEG and being video taped 24 hours a day. This means my freedom to move has been incredibly diminished. At the same time I am forced to do nothing. I have a TV, DVD, VHS, Stereo, Waterboiler (very important for a fanatic teadrinker as I am) in my single room. Combined with a few good books and Internet, I should be fine. Well, I guess I am so tired that whenever I read about 3 sentences in my book, I am already having trouble keeping my eyes open. I guess now is the time to sleep, a lot.
I brought some music with me and I am studying Contrasts and the Martin piano trio. Also, I brought some theory with me, because it is now about 95% sure that I will return to school. Only I have not paid any attention to Dandelot (insiders will know how great it is to read all those cleffs at the speed of light in front of a class and if your unlucky a military captain or something like that) or any theory or music history. So it is time to refresh my memory.
However, it is not all vacation here. As said, I look like Medusa, with this long lasting EEG on my head. At the same time it is hard, there are people here recovering from brain tumors, traffic accidents, childhood traumas, you name it and it is here. And they all have seizures. I have not ever been confronted with it, as much as here and that is hard. But I am also realizing how lucky I am: with me the seizures are no longer making me disfunctional. Even better, I rarely even have them. Especially in comparison to the people here.
At Juilliard I had a friend, who also had seizures. She is still my absolute example as to how one is able to deal with ilness and still be disciplined in living life as a musician. Compared to her, my life has been so easy and I can only stand in awe, seeing how she now is a grad student in another town, picking up her new life, working extra jobs to pay the rent and still coping with physical disabilities.
I feel that sometimes I am just being so negative about my own life, but being among the people here, makes me put things very fast into perspective.
Back to the subject, I am very happy to return to Juilliard. Although I am also scared at moments, but joy definetly rules. I have already discussed my program for next semester with Mr. Perlman and Mr. Weilerstein and I am looking forward to working with them. I think musically and technically I have gained quite some insights and I am forward to sharing and checking them with my dear teachers. Also, I am looking forward to spending evenings spontaneously playing chambermusic. Tell me, what's better than playing Mozart Quartets or some other great works with friends on an evening with good wine and cheese or other good snacks from Balducci's? And I heard students now even get a discount :)
And then in May I will do the things I have dreamed of as a little girl: graduate from Juilliard and participating in the Queen Elisabeth. I guess real life will start afterwards, but untill then I am going to enjoy every single moment of my life. Even the couple days I have to spend in the hospital. I know they will be the last of a couple very long years. But I can hopefully leave all that behind and life live to the fullest from friday on. Untill then I am happy to hear any DVD suggestions for this week of "doing nothing".

From Susan Jeter
Posted on December 8, 2004 at 8:19 PM

Hi, Carla. I found this site on a search and read your comments.

I would suggest "The Red Violin" DVD. The score is by John Corigliani and the solos are played by Joshua Bell.

Hope things work out well for you.

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