December 3, 2004 at 11:17 PM

Today was a day full of music. I had a rehearsal or better said a "get to know eachother" with a very gifted Dutch pianist. We played through several Mozart Sonatas, beethoven Kreutzer and Spring, Faure, Prokofiev 1, and a piece by Khatchaturian's nephew Karen Katchaturian. We have decided to go ahead and work together as a duo and we will start with 2 concerts in March in Amsterdam. the program will be fun: Mozart 305, Mendelssohn, Messiaen Theme et Variations and (we could not find another M... composer) Respighi Sonata.I am looking forward to it. the next couple months will be very busy. On average I have 5 concerts a month with 2 or 3 different programms a month and they are as spread out as the west coast of the US to Siberia. I guess I will be getting some frequent Flyer Miles in the next couple months. And I decided to start with the preparation of the Queen Elisabeth Competition. that does not mean I'll actually participate, but I want to start the work.
Tonight I went to a concert of an old study mate: Janine Jansen played Britten Concerto with the Concertgebouw Orchestra. She has such authority on stage, very admirable and she looks great, I need to find out where she gets her dresses. However I could not say much about her playing, I was sitting somewhere where I could barely hear her. The things I did hear were very good though and observing her ahs given me many things to think about in my own violin playing. I have heard so many great violinist in the past month. I still am very impressed by the Korean BoKyoung Lee who displayed such a technical demand, combined with a pleasant tone to listen to. Listening to her was getting into a warm bath where I could just relax and enjoy. Both with Erin keefe and Janine Jansen I am forced to think. They have commanding interpretations that are very interesting and are both in their own completely different way great violinists. In fact, there were some moments in Erin's Brahms I had goosebumps all over me, her slow movement was heavenly. But I also enjoy not having to think and just be relaxing while listening. All these qualities of these people are things I am looking for. things that I want to develope in my own playing. I want to be as secure about who I am as an artist as Janine, I want to be as creative as Erin, and as stable as BoKyoung. I have learned so much in the past weeks.
Next week I am forced to take off. I have to go to the hospital for a week (nothing serious), but it will give me time to rethink who I am as an artist and what I want to be like.
recently I met with some Christian collegues and we talked a lot about our identity as a human and as an artist and how everything is combined. It is weird, I am not in school this semester and still I feel I have been learning at least as much as in school. I guess learning is more based upon attitude than geographical place.
Back to violin... How do I get that security of Janine. Well first of all: practice, practice, practice. But there was something else. I don't think she plays the mindgames with herself as I do at competitions. She is sure and convinced of her interpretation and I have proven that when I am secure and convinced, as I was in Bach at the competition, things work out. So I need to trust myself a whole lot more.
Secondly, the creativity of Erin: practice, practice, practice. At the moment I feel secure left, I can start to color right. Like a painter... when the material is in order, you can interprete. Erin's playing is incredibly flowing and I only can reach that, if I let go of all thoughts concerning perfection or worse, concerning what other people might think!
And BoKyoung: practice, practice, practice! And besides that, also her concentration was phenomenal. I have met not many people with such a gift to be fully consumed by the music. She was totally one with the moment, and at the same time she did not seem to be thinking at all about it. It truelly flowed through her.
So I guess I can say that all these things could be reached when I would do the following: Practice and be very disciplined about my life as a violinist. If you can't play the notes, you cannot expect to put artistry down. Artistry goes hand in hand with knowing your craft.
Secondly I need to be able let go while playing. For me the way to do that is to not focus on me, or my relation to the music, audience, jury, teacher, family, whatever. I need to let go of everything. This is what is described in Christianity as putting everything at the feet of God. Only when you let go of self can God (Universe, for the Zen practicioners among us, whatever one at this site might call it)work. Those are the moments where the music can come fully to what it is, and what it is meant to be. Rachel Podger has such a pure sound. But it can not be reached by just focusing on the sound. In fact, we need to let go. Because at the moment we concentrate on it, it becomes forced, and at least it will loose some of its purity and honesty.

I have many ideas, but I am not quite able to put them in words. For me, I need to start with more practice, and also putting what I just described into practice. I can start with scales, getting them completely in tune, technically (almost) perfect and than to let go. Only then will I at some point feel that it is right to play Beethoven concerto. Only then can I combine all those wonderful things of these artists.

I need to go to bed and stop this semi philisophical or otherwise described as babling.
greetings from Purmerend!
Carla

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December 3, 2004 at 11:17 PM

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