November 13, 2004 at 11:56 PM

The day after...
I barely slept tonight. I hate jet lag, but not as much as I hate the way I let my mind play games with me. I guess that's what competitions are about: mind games and how not to play them. I felt I was struggeling all my way through the first round, with the exception of... the Isang Yun piece. Of all pieces I suspected to be that my weakest of the entire competition program, but I felt completely comfortable on stage with it. It works much better in a bigger hall and with an audience I felt I really wanted to get them involved into the piece. However I was nervous, very nervous in Bach. Which I have not been for a long time, I feel normally very comfortable with the E Major. But I did not feel control of the bow and therefor I sometimes forced way too much. By the time I got to Paganini I was scared, very very scared. But I did not want to let the jury know, so I started with a big smile... I felt 9 was again very out of tune (this happened to me as well at Indianapolis) and than 23... 23 I feel utterly comfortable with. Once it gets to the fast part I put my brain at 0 and just play. I was thinking about something Mr. Perlman said: better risk everything and either loose or win it all, but don't go on safe. That's exactly what I did and somewhere in the middle of the fast part my fingers stopped BLACKOUT... MY WORST NIGHTMARE!!! After 10 minutes (ok maybe 2 seconds)of confusion and a very dazed look on my face (where am I, what am I playing, oh yeah Korea - Paganini) I went back to playing and gave it my all. I felt my playing was far from perfect, but I feel I did communicate something.
So as I walk of stage, ready to pack my violin for a long, long break and a Erin walks up to me and starts congratulating me, telling me I am full of S... and I am for sure going to get a prize... Was she at the same performance as I was? I mean, I did not make a major fool of myself, but was far from happy. She on the other hand was saying my playing was clean, in tune and musical. What distance can do in a hall... :)
So now have to wait for the results. I am not expecting anything, but after a long talk with my best friend in Switzerland this morning, I would like to get in the second round. Gasa is a beautiful piece and I am looking forward to playing it with piano. Also Ysaye is getting along quite well and in Franck I feel at home. We'll see what happens. I learned at least a lot and either way I think would be good for me. I am tired and need some sleep, which I won't get being in second round. We'll see...

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November 13, 2004 at 11:56 PM

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