self doubts

March 23, 2006 at 1:28 AM

I can't believe how far into the semester it is. We're already about halfway through, but it doesn't seem that long. It's only a couple of months until my technical exam, and though it seems like that's still a fair way away, I know that it's going to creep up on me quicker than anything. I'm not certain about this technical exam. In fact, I've never been certain about my technical exams. I'm not a fan of technical work, and I've never really had a big scale background until I got to uni, so I've always been trying to catch up.

Unfortunately, this year is make or break for me. I've got to show my examiners that I've improved enough for them to let me do the bachelor conversion course. If I don't get into that, I have no idea what i'm going to do. There's always a possibility of moving interstate but I'll probably have to start the bachelor course from the beginning, and I'll have to pay for everything, which if the work load at WAAPA is anything to go by, it won't leave me much time for anything. Leaving for interstate isn't really an option, as I don't think I'd be able to leave my girlfriend behind.

So if I don't get into the bachelor course at waapa, where to next? Take a year off and work hard at my technical work and repertoire, saving up some money from the work I do at Tempest, and then try again the year after? Or should I purposefully fail some units in order to return next year to complete them, hence giving me an extra year before the switch to bachelors is needed.

I would really love to be able to get a position in an orchestra, that is my goal, and that is what is making me work hard this year (and every year), but there's always that doubt that if I fail, I've spent three years working towards a goal that was never attainable, and no useable qualifications in order to get a job.

From Pauline Lerner
Posted on March 23, 2006 at 6:21 AM

I sympathize, Ben. I used to ask myself what I would do if I didn't pass the qualifying exams in grad school. If you work hard now, you may be able to pull it off. Would it help to get some extra coaching from a teacher? Just in case you don't make it this semester, taking a year off to practice and accumulate some money would be a good default option. However, I really hope your hard work pays off and you are successful the first time.

From Patty Rutins
Posted on March 23, 2006 at 2:42 PM

Eh, who needs useable qualifications anyhow? I've got a sister with a PhD in Modern Austrian Literature. You think that's useable? :)

You've been working your butt off, and I'm sure it'll show.

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