I've also tried getting my hand set up in the correct placement of 12-3-4, on the fingerboard, then loosen my grip, but as soon as my fingers lose contact with the board, the middle and index fingers fly apart from each other. Either the index finger goes flat or the middle finger goes sharp. Is this a musculature/tightness problem, or more fundamental with the positioning of the hand/fingers?
I'm an adult beginner, will be consulting my teacher about this next week.
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The problem is also a lot more evident when I have to reach back to place a low 2 while holding a 3. This leaves my hand/wrist in a more tense than usual spot even after the 3 is released, which makes the problem of placing the 1 even harder.
May I add to Paul's suggestion of lifting each finger off the table in turn, by adding a rotation with the lifted finger.
I ask my right handed beginners to do everything (possible and impossible..) with their left hand for several weeks: typing, cleaning teeth, cutting stuff etc, etc.
You can buy left-handed scissors ... but try finding a left-handed traditional pencil sharpener!!
Any common object that does not have bilateral (mirror-plane) symmetry is "handed" (aka chiral). So if the electrical cord comes out the center of your steam iron, then the iron can be used equally with either hand. If the cord comes out the "back" of the iron, then it will be harder to use with one hand than with the other. Scissors have rotational but not mirror-plane symmetry, so they work better with one hand than the other, regardless of the shape of the handles.
Try these simple exercises with the left hand:
Fingers together then move the index finger away from the other fingers by itself and return, next index and middle finger, Then the fist three fingers. Next start with the fourth finger and go in the opposite direction.
Next do an "air violin" position and hold your fingers with half step between 2 & 3, then 3&4, then 1&2, then whole steps for all four fingers.
This should train the muscles to create all four basic finger positions.
Just curious: Do you by chance have a short fourth finger? I do and I find that I have to do a micro shift to get 1 and 2 in the correct location. Yes, I do these exercises myself and teach them to my students for practice without the violin.
There are dozens of videos on YouTube of Perlmann. Here is a small selection. The last one is of especial interest in that he talks about how he copes with his large hands when playing the violin. I have large hands (I'm also a cellist), although not as large as Perlmann's, and I got some useful tips from that particular video.
Schindler's List
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yZoGz0EWPY0
Chopin Nocturne in C#minor
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=t4JPHah7V5M
Fiddler on the Roof
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=h745la-Lo1I
Dvorak Humoresque (with Yo-Yo Ma)
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OgAzqlIcs4k
Saint-Saens Introduction & Rondo Capriccioso
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BnsPnyiLdrw
Perlmann's "large hands"
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TZIdJVsZqwc
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It makes my hand cramp up just thinking about placing 12 3 down at the same time before playing 3.