Have you ever invited your (future) girlfriend to a concert?

April 12, 2018, 12:26 PM · Tim - my husband told me that he would not have stayed with me if I were not up to going to concerts with him. So... I think you should invite the lady out and see how it goes!

From my POV, I knew I needed to be with someone who was into music and if I learned that a potential boyfriend didn't care about music, then I'd drop 'em like a hot potato!

April 12, 2018, 1:02 PM · Going to a concert with someone you are dating seems to be a very good way to know how far this is going to work. Many years ago a very fine guy took me to a fine concert that he knew I would love. The problem was that he also demonstrated clearly to me in his comments about the music and performance that we wouldn't be compatible. We parted amicably and both later happily married to different people. So I'd say to any music lover, as early as you can, go to a concert or share each other your favorite pieces of music and see what you think about each other. Of course, difference in music may not be a deal breaker for everyone, but it is very good information to gather before you are too involved with each other.

April 12, 2018, 1:04 PM · I've taken dates before. It can depend if it's a good idea, since it's a big block of time where you aren't talking, and I tend to actually prefer going to see live music alone, or at least with other musicians.

I think it is actually an appealing sounding date for a lot of even modestly open-minded people, but I'm starting to think that like going to the movies, it's better to just spend earlier dates doing activities where you are interacting more.

April 12, 2018, 1:04 PM · As long as she doesn't prefer viola over violin, then you are good to go.

April 12, 2018, 1:20 PM · "I know many of you are old..."

I resemble that remark. How about the 60's or so. I had a "first date" at the Legion of Honor in SF. It was in that circular concert hall downstairs. Nice concert. Nice first date. I even ran into my former violin teacher there.

April 12, 2018, 1:52 PM · If she says something like "I liked the fast parts!" then please reconsider your choices.

Edited: April 12, 2018, 2:51 PM · Tim, I assume the girlfriend is young. The majority of young people are attracted to something else rather than classical music. So you know what the odds are.

If she is young and active (i.e. like more outdoor activities), the chance she likes the concert would be further decreased.

If she is young, active, and attractive, continue to decrease the chance, as she would be more likely to be busy with lots of other things :))

This is not to mention the ticket price for a classical concert should be far more expensive than a Hollywood movie ticket. So, if your girlfriend thinks like an economist and she has to pay her own, she would question the sanity of going to a concert as that same money could be well spent on two or three other recreational activities, probably with no less fun. This is according to the OP's assumption that the girl must know nothing about classical music, and therefore would not be likely to attach any special value to it.

I know these can be stereotypes but I'm talking about the chances. The elderly is 70-80% of the audience for a reason. The range of outdoor and other activities (for example, a roller coaster ride or a camping trip) are somewhat limited to them but maybe not to the young girlfriend.

April 12, 2018, 3:57 PM · On the other hand, Will, maybe a concert would be a novel experience which would stand out a lot more to her than just another movie.

OP, you're gonna have to choose based on what you think her personality is like. If she's a shallow person, chances are she won't like a concert. If she has depth, it could work. Just depends.

Edited: April 12, 2018, 4:26 PM · "This is according to the OP's assumption that the girl must know nothing about classical music, and therefore would not be likely to attach any special value to it"

Exactly, that is the problem. If I knew she was a musician I wouldn't even had started this thread because inviting her to a concert would be a great idea. But for a girl that doesn't care about classical music (I mean, you know her a little bit and you've noticed she's never mentioned anything about classical music, and listens to popular radio music), we have a problem.

Since I assume all people here are violinist or at least classical music lovers, I ask you to tell me if it even came to your mind to invite your partner to a classical concert, knowing that this partner doesn't care about classical music. I ask also to collect information and because it may be interesting to know how it went in some cases. As I said, some older people here have many experiences to share.

May be you did in the past and she slept during the 3rd movement of the symphony and broke up with you instantly :(

Thanks :)

April 12, 2018, 4:49 PM · Part of her experience will depend on the seating and venue, and of course the program. I've been to some symphonies when my less-than-optimal seats would have been quite boring and uncomfortable to anyone not already initiated into the music. But due to my fortunate geography of being close to the Yale School of Music, I've also been to many FREE recitals in smaller halls where I can sit close and really feel an intimacy with the music and the musicians. It might be nice to show her the excitement of a live musician up close showing total mastery of an instrument and deep artistry in the playing. If you can, make the event warm and exciting, an immersion in the music rather than a stiff back seat immersed more in a crowd.

April 12, 2018, 4:57 PM · Erik wrote, 'On the other hand, Will, maybe a concert would be a novel experience which would stand out a lot more to her than just another movie'.

I think your girlfriend would almost certainly like classical music. Simply because it's strongly connected to your professional activities and possibly many other aspects of your life, so a sane person would have to like it before even getting into a relationship with you :)

It does depend on your personality, the job you have (not necessarily anything classical or music), your personality, and your hobbies and interests. Each person has a set of characteristics that attract a specific type of people and that tells a lot about the chance of that the boyfriend/girlfriend also happens to enjoy classical music.

April 12, 2018, 5:03 PM · Grateful Dead insinuations aside, for me a good classical concert would be an acid test for a date, as the relationship would not be sustainable if she remained uninterested in the classical music that is the air I breathe.

April 12, 2018, 6:44 PM · Pick an activity you both have in common. The way you find that out: ask!

*On a personal note, I cannot think of a worse first date than a guy taking me to an activity I know nothing about and 'explaining' it to me.

Edited: April 12, 2018, 7:10 PM · Many times! (I only married when I was 40...)

Every single time was a great date for both of us. Even when they where not into classical music and even when some times the program was difficult or boring, it was one of the best dates to remember.

When they loved music, although not classical, they loved the performance and the musical atmosphere.

When they were not "much into it", they loved to try something different, (we all do) and there were still many things that made it a great experience for them.

One such date has always been good. A different thing was when repeating it too often with those who didn't like classical music. Then, obviously, was forcing it into them and not recommendable.

P.S. And actually, I think my love for going to concerts comes from that same story in reverse: One of my first girlfriends was a pianist and she was the one who started to take me to any chance, Opera Hall or open event, where there was classical live performances. Since then, the first thing I do when going to a new city is to "join" the musicians circle and be in the loop of all events going on.

April 12, 2018, 7:13 PM · The woman I was interested in played the flute. So I took her to see Paula Robeson with Eliot Fisk. This year is our 20th.

April 12, 2018, 9:56 PM · If you do a concert date, you can't really talk during the concert, so it's good to do something afterwards too (go out for dinner, coffee, whatever).

One of my early dates with my now-husband was a concert -- a freeway-philharmonic concert featuring a soloist who turned out to be less good than I'd hoped. I spent the concert watching the orchestra. My husband spent the concert watching me, and noted afterwards that he realized I hadn't really enjoyed the performance and was busy analyzing it instead. (He was right. I was going through the mental analysis of what was going off the rails and/or not working as the soloist might have hoped.)

April 12, 2018, 10:17 PM · I think it is a nice idea. I think none before invited her to a classical concert. If she likes it, you will have something in common to talk about, if not you can ask her to choose the next concert to go together according to her taste. Etc.

When I was a teen and a student, to go for the first or second date to a classical or jazz concert or theater would be pretty normal (In Moscow). It would not be even considered as a real date. So there would be no reason to say "no" except other plans already scheduled, if someone says "hello, i have an extra ticket to that performance, can you come with me?". And you always can go out earlier if she does not like it and made fun of it. I actually remember one of my classmates (from a country side, so she never was before to any of this) first time got invited to concervatorium. She was a very protest before that day - she liked hip hop, black lipstick etc. She was so much impressed, that she became a fun of opera and classical music, and now travels all over the world for the fines performances. Next day after her first concert she came to university in the dress!

If your girl never was, it is time to the first time )))

Do you know the program? The hits better than heavier stuff for the first exposure.

Edited: April 12, 2018, 10:44 PM · "Have you ever invited your (future) girlfriend to a concert?"

Only when my wife approves ...

April 13, 2018, 2:42 AM · Does it help if your girlfriend happens to be your wife’s husband’s current wife?

April 13, 2018, 3:33 AM · Too complicated - I'm just a violin player ...

April 13, 2018, 4:08 AM · I am not sure if the seemingly high percentage of concert dates that end in marriage according to this thread, is encouraging or discouraging the OP...

April 13, 2018, 5:10 AM · "It's tough to make predictions, especially about the future."

Yogi Berra

April 13, 2018, 5:17 AM · I think it would depend on the concert venue. Your friend would probably enjoy being taken to a concert at the Musikverein more than the local HS auditorium.

My wife and I have been happily married for over 30 years because we mostly enjoy the same things, have the same interests and hobbies, etc. Sure we occasionally go our own ways (i.e. We're both runners, but we run different paces and distances so rarely run together. But we both understand one another's desire to train, frustration over an injury or bad race, etc.). If violin and classical music are important to you, but your potential partner knows nothing about them nor has any interest in them, that could be an issue down the road.

But then again, the most important issue is, is she HAWT? :)

April 13, 2018, 5:53 AM · My girlfriend is professional violinist working in orchestra, of position in tutti second violini, we always talk about other interesting things in common, for example pet, sport, food, painting, photograph and voyage. I have never invited her to any concert, and she has invited me to rehearsals of orchestra sometimes. As a professional violinist, she spends several days per week in orchestra, her life is surrounded by concert and rehearsal, if we talk about classical concert often, maybe she will become very bored and depressed. Imagine that your girlfriend or wife is a professor of physics, you also understand some physics, will you always talk about this profession in free time? I think after working hours, family members should shift to some more interesting topics for the sake of leisure. What we share in common is that two of us can play violin and can comment on this art of performance, but classical music is only part of life, it should not occupy ourselves entirely, I think this shared appetite could be a criteria for the selection of spouse, but it should not be determinant one.

Edited: April 13, 2018, 6:46 AM · Yeah.

We were already in a relationship so it was more causal. We would arrive at the Meyerhoff Hall about 15 minutes before Baltimore Symphony concerts without tickets. If we we were lucky we would get tickets at a huge discount and end up sitting on the first couple of rows and/or some corners. Got to hear in person Yo-yo Ma, Perlman, Hahn et. al.

Good times.

April 13, 2018, 7:35 AM · Wow David, those are some pretty big names to get tickets almost for free. You lucky :)

April 13, 2018, 8:59 AM · Well... depends what’s more important to you at the moment... get the girl or get the right girl ;-)

April 13, 2018, 9:00 AM · For me, it would be a gauge as to how open minded the person was if they were not into that kind of music. I love learning new things, and exploring new things, and that's important for me in a partner and to have as part of the relationship.

Anyway, maybe you could do a Saturday matinee concert then go for a walk and nice meal afterward. It's lowkey, and you can leave halfway through if you want.

Another thought: you can ask the lady what her ideal date would be then do that with her.
I love classical music, and I often fall asleep in the last half of the program.

April 13, 2018, 9:13 AM · Tim, that was some 30 years ago. I don’t know if they still give discounts like that to students.

April 13, 2018, 9:14 AM · "no one goes to concerts anymore. They're too crowded."

-Also Yogi Berra.

April 13, 2018, 11:10 AM · The real question is, should you invite a prospective girlfriend to YOUR concert.

Hmmm....that could go either way.

Edited: April 13, 2018, 11:49 AM · I invited my now former significant other to plenty of my concerts. He did not enjoy them, and later told me that he found them physically painful. But I would say, based on many other music ( and disability ) -related incidents involving him, that his reaction was certainly atypical as well as independent of the genre being classical, thus not something I would expect from most other people I would invite to classical concerts.

And David, yes, there are still plenty of student discounts.

April 13, 2018, 5:07 PM · I recently heard a quartet play expressive, earnest music -- Arensky No. 2 played by the Apollon Musagète, if I recall correctly. I felt myself opening up emotionally and thought I understood then the inspiration for having string quartets play at weddings.

Pick some good music and performers to hear, and at least you'll have a good time.

April 13, 2018, 7:42 PM · Make sure to throw in some good classical puns once in a while, totally out of the blue.

April 14, 2018, 2:15 AM · I invited my now ex-girlfriend to a classical concert on a second date. I not only got an enthusiastic yes, but learned on the spot that she had been concertmaster of her high school orchestra, stopped playing violin not long after graduating from high school, and had just been thinking about restarting for a few weeks at that point. We ended up being together for more than two years and playing in a community orchestra together for most of that time. Since the breakup, we've gotten back in touch and become close friends again.

YMMV. There probably aren't that many lapsed former high school concertmasters out there to randomly meet.

April 14, 2018, 7:05 AM · I agree with R Ray above: CHAMBER MUSIC is good date music! It's more intimate.

April 14, 2018, 7:19 AM · "Make sure to throw in some good classical puns once in a while, totally out of the blue."

Are there any?

April 15, 2018, 11:30 AM · I purchased a classical music concert ticket for myself 2 months prior to the event. I booked the middle seat.
10 days before the event, I decided to take a girl with me. I liked her. Because of the unavailability of seats, I could only book the one in the corner.
I have her my ticket. I wanted her to have the best experience possible. Her mother told me to escort her home before 9:30. Before the event started, I told her to get out exactly at 9. So I could drop her home.

At 9, I got out of the auditorium. Waited for her. She didn’t turn up. She stepped out at 10, when the event had ended.
And told me she wanted to sit with me, and that the event was a waste since I ‘made a stupid decision by making her sit in the middle’. Told me I was boring. I didn’t respond but I never asked her out again.

I so wish I had never asked her out. I would’ve been able to sit in the middle and enjoy the event till 10. *sigh*

Edited: April 15, 2018, 11:36 AM · I purchased a classical music concert ticket for myself 2 months prior to the event. I booked the middle seat.
10 days before the event, I decided to take a girl with me. I liked her. Because of the unavailability of seats, I could only book the one in the corner.
I handed to her her my own ticket, the middle seat one. I wanted her to have the best experience possible. Her mother told me to escort her home before 9:30. Before the event started, I told her to get out exactly at 9. So I could drop her home.

At 9, I got out of the auditorium. Waited for her. She didn’t turn up. She stepped out at 10, when the event had ended.
And told me she wanted to sit with me, and that the event was a waste since I ‘made a stupid decision by making her sit in the middle’. Told me I was boring. I didn’t respond but I never asked a girl out again.

I so wish I had never asked her out. I would’ve been able to sit in the middle and enjoy the event till 10. *sigh*

April 15, 2018, 3:14 PM · It can work both ways.

On the one hand, a concert can be a novel experience for your non-classical girlfriend.

On the other hand, let’s be realistic that not everyone is a fan. She might come out of the concert being as clueless as a turd of sh*t on a rainy day, with her face pulling as long as Sydney harbour bridge.

Let’s be real. Even we classical music fans feel sleepy sometimes during a two hour program.

April 15, 2018, 5:27 PM · Yeah, sometimes I've felt really tired in a concert, but it is always because that night I slept just 5h or less. It's a bad idea to go to a classical concert, specially something like a 2-3h concert, wgen you're tired.

Edited: April 15, 2018, 6:19 PM · To say we feel sleepy is quite an understatement. I see people frequently trying not to fall asleep (and some failed - especially the elderly).

I must say a pop concert or Beyonce could have higher chance of success, for an unremarkable, run-of-the-mill girlfriend (who represents mostly everyone anyway).

April 17, 2018, 11:29 AM · Scott: if they have to use the restroom, they could say "I'll be bach" with a stupid grin on their face. That's a winner right there.

I actually just realized that the first date I took my current gf on was a classical concert. Although I mainly complained about the performance, it was still a success.

Idk, I kind of feel like if a potential partner likes you enough, he/she probably will like anything you do together, even if it's not their cup of tea. And if they whine about it, then they're going to whine about everything in life. So classical concerts are a great test.

April 17, 2018, 5:30 PM · Hahaha, wait then:

Could it be... could it be that a classical concert first date is the ultimate girlfriend test to know ALL about the person in question???

I shall write a book in the arts of flirting. I can see the millions already, wow I'm rich.

April 18, 2018, 12:18 AM · Tim, it'll definitely tell you more than a movie date will.

April 18, 2018, 9:18 AM · I had an employer in my youth who used to quiz his always male employees (it was a construction job) "Is it better to get married then get rich, or get rich then get married?" (His answer was get rich first. That way when she divorces you she can't take half of it.)

Anyway, after you get rich be sure to get a Rolex and a Lamborghini. Then she'll be more likely to SAY she liked the concert.

April 18, 2018, 12:23 PM · I have gone to 4 or 5 concerts with my wife in 12.5 years, plus 3 operas (all by Philip Glass). She will refuse to come to anything involving music by a "big squeaky German" unless it's me doing a solo. (Sometimes I persuade her that Mozart or Haydn or Beethoven was Austrian to get her to come to orchestral concerts). But she loves Philip Glass.

Normally I go to concerts on my own, or with friends who will appreciate me complaining about the performer using too much vibrato, etc

April 19, 2018, 3:43 PM · Not a dating thing, but one time in college, my best friend randomly got the two of us tickets to a symphony performance for my birthday. Neither of us have musical backgrounds.

I thought it was such an awesome, original idea and we both really enjoyed it.
I think most people appreciate music, even if they're not necessarily major fans. I think I'd be equally pleased if somebody I was dating suggested something similar.

April 28, 2018, 5:04 AM · I was in a professional orchestra, and invited my (new) girlfriend to a concert. The guy behind me in the 1sts got comprehensively lost and enunciated very clearly " Oh ****".
I thought she'd not speak to me again - well brought up girl as she was.
We've now celebrated 35 years of marriage!