Musical Verse

October 14, 2006 at 05:50 AM · I'd like to start a new light-hearted thread in the discussion area, called "musical verse", with humorous words to well-known melodies.

Replies (61)

October 14, 2006 at 06:29 AM · Mozart Piano Quartet in G minor, first movement--

"Answer the Telephone".

KW

October 14, 2006 at 06:48 AM · You know, I had never heard the above one before this summer. A quartet played it at YAE and when they had to introduce it and that was their theme example to listen for.

October 14, 2006 at 08:18 AM · Greetings,

Bee tho ven five.

It gives me hives

Cheers,

Buri

October 14, 2006 at 11:22 AM · My high school orchestra conductor sang the following before starting us on these pieces:

Mozart symphony #40, 1st mvt: "It's a bird, it's a plane, no it's Mozart!"

Theme from Schubert's Unfinished Symphony: "This is the symphony, that Schubert wrote and never finished . . ."

October 14, 2006 at 11:56 AM · Oscar Brand, the folk singer, years ago had these words to Humoresque:

Passengers will please refrain

From flushing toilets while the train

Is in the station

Darling, I love you.

We encourage constipation

While the train is in the station

Moonlight always makes me think of you.

If you wish to pass some water,

Kindly call a Pullman porter.

He'll place a vessel in the vestibule.

If the porter isn't here,

Try the platform in the rear.

The one in front is likely to be cool.

If these efforts are in vain,

Simply break a window pane.

This novel method's used by very few.

We go strolling through the park,

Goosing statues in the dark.

If Sherman's horse can take it,

Why can't you?

----------

OK, this next one is a little wierd, but one person repeats "Boca Chica, Boca Chica, Boca Chica..." over and over again, quickly. The second person comes in with the tune from the Mozart 40th Symphony. (I told you it was a little wierd.)

-------------

(opening of the Brahms Violin Concerto)

I...can't play this piece,

Cause Brahms is too hard

To follow the beat...

:) Sandy

October 14, 2006 at 01:48 PM · For the woodwind theme in the second movement of Tchaikowsky 4--this particularly suits most oboe player's attitudes to the behaviour of their reeds when playing this part:

"You bloody stupid piece of cane.

You are just driving me insane!"

I also like this one for Beethoven 3:

"Oh, my word, it's Beethoven's third, my word!"

And a terribly wimpy way of remembering Beethoven's fifth, with the "fate" rhythm:

"This is your fate! Please let me in?"

October 14, 2006 at 02:13 PM · I'd never heard the words for the opening of the Brahms -- very amusing and appropriate! But I've known these for the second movement's opening oboe solo for years:

Brahms was wise and Brahms was clever,

Brahms thought I could hold my breath forever, well

He was WRONG! So very wrong...

I'm trying -- I'm dying

When will this end?

October 14, 2006 at 02:38 PM · OK, as long as we're on the Brahms Concerto - 3rd movement (in the voice of Homer Simpson):

Do!!!

I lost my bow.

It flew into the fourteenth row.

It was brand new.

What will I do.

I'll have to sing

On my next cue.

October 14, 2006 at 02:53 PM · Vulgar words to the big horn melody in Don Juan:

Don Juan... gets laid more than I do,

'Cause he's a stud... And I'm a dud.

October 14, 2006 at 03:08 PM · To the second theme of the Paganini 1st violin concerto:

"I can't play Paganini,

"And I hope no one can tell.

"If I mess up on the cadenza

"My career is shot to hell"

Berlioz Symphonie Fantastique

"Some people rate

"Berlioz as great

"But surely not fanTAStic!"

Mahler 1st Symphony

"Brevity's the soul of wit

"Mahler was well aware of it.

"Still, he did not know when to quit."

Bach Invention in F major

"Not all inventions head

"For the patent office. Some get played instead."

Brahms clarinet sonata has some truly vulgar words, but this isn't the site for that...

Saint-Saens #3 opening

"I am so afraid

"That I will not hit the highest NOTE

"Oh my God Oh my God Oh my God Oh my God Oh my God...

"OH MY GOD!"

And of course, the masterpiece: Stravinsky's Rite of Spring, the bassoon opening

"I'm not an English horn. This is too high for me."

October 14, 2006 at 03:58 PM · Some of you on the grizzled side of fifty may remember the inspired bellowing of Michael Flanders who, with his partner, pianist Donald Swann, wrote lyrics to the entire Rondo from Mozart's K495 Eb horn concerto. They begin

I once had a whim and I had to obey it

To buy a French Horn in a second-hand shop;

I polished it up and I started to play it

In spite of the neighbors who begged me to stop...

Larry Snyder

Davis, CA

October 14, 2006 at 04:28 PM · Bach B minor violin partita,last mvt. (not the double):

"Bach wrote for violin all alone,

For reasons that are totally unknown"

Rossini Barber of Seville Overture:

"I hate Rossini...

And Bellini...

Tortellini, linguini,

and Pachelbel"

Bizet Symphony in C, slow mvt. (oboe solo):

"It's Bizeeeeeeeeet, yes-it-surely-is Bizeeeeeet,

Don't-you-recognize the WAAAAAAAAAY

He writes those long and flowing solos for the woodwinds -

it's Bizeeeeeet"

(sorry, you have to know the tune for that to make sense)

opening of Don Juan:

"I've got to go to the john,

Open the door,

Let me in --

PLEASE!"

October 14, 2006 at 08:11 PM · Great verses, everybody!

Well, I ought to contribute to my own thread! Years ago, I heard another violinist sing his own verses to the opening statement of the Mendelssohn 4th symphony. I could only remember the first two lines, and so I made up the rest:

No,no,no,no,no,no; no,no,no,no,no - You're

Fired, you're fired

You played like a pig

If you don't improve your playing it's

your grave I will dig

It's all out of tune

It sounds like a buffoon

The rhythm is askew

I am warning yo-u

I'll smash up your fiddle and

break it to little bits

OUT! You are fired today!

October 14, 2006 at 10:16 PM · And who can forget these lyrics to the tune of the William Tell Overture?

Happy Anniversary, Happy Anniversary

Happy Anniversary

Haaaaaappy Anniversary

October 14, 2006 at 11:16 PM · Jim, do those words go with the opening cello theme or the famous Lone Ranger part? I can't get them to scan, either way.

What are you guys doing to my beloved Brahms concerto?! I dare not read anymore, lest it become tainted forever. I already can't think of Schubert's Unfinished without a lyric similar to Karen's post: "This is the symphony, the symphony he never finished..."

October 15, 2006 at 01:36 AM · Sander, I'm laughing myself sick at your Brahms 3rd mvt. Curse you! I'll never hear that piece again with a straight face!!

Für Elise:

Why did Ludwig write this awful piece?

It wasn't free,

That is for sure.

He got a lot of money from Elise,

Thus it was her

He wrote it für.

October 15, 2006 at 01:39 AM · Emil, wow, those are classic too. :)

October 15, 2006 at 04:57 AM · Karin, this way:

http://www.toontracker.com/demented/anniv.ram

October 15, 2006 at 06:15 AM · Chopin sonata for piano (I forget which one):

"Who flushed the toilet?"

KW

October 15, 2006 at 06:45 AM · Ah, thanks for the link, Jim. Guess that's the non-richochet version. :)

October 15, 2006 at 11:51 AM · Karin and Maura: Always willing to help. Cordially, Sandy

PS. Germinal theme of the Bartok 4th String quartet:

- My headache's getting worse.

October 15, 2006 at 01:26 PM · To open Beethoven's string quartet cycle with Op. 18, No. 1:

How do you like my feet?

I really think they're neat!

October 15, 2006 at 02:21 PM · Here's one I made up a couple of years back, during a busy December:

A FREELANCER'S CAROL

(Sung to the tune of - obviously - "Deck The Halls")

'Tis the season to be busy

fa la la la la, la la la la

Played so much my strings are frizzy

fa etc.

Running after gigs a-plenty

fa...

But it helps to pay the rent-y

fa...

Don we now our worn tuxedos

fa...

In the car we munch on Fritos

fa...

hurry up the concert's waiting

fa...

Fired we if we are late-ing

fa...

Tune our fiddles nice and sweetly

fa...

Practice passages discretely

fa...

Never let on when sight reading

fa...

Concertmaster does the leading

fa...

Return we now from our gigging

fa...

What a way to make a living

fa...

Tolls and mileage, gasolione-ing

fa...

Music must fufill our being

fa...

After Christmas what a letdown

fa...

In Jan-u-ary less work found

fa...

Feb-ruary hardly better

fa...

But in March we'll gig together

fa la la la la, la la LA - LA!

October 15, 2006 at 03:20 PM · Sander, NO!! do NOT make it impossible for me to listen to Bartok 4!! That's one of my all-time favorite quartets! :)

October 15, 2006 at 05:52 PM · Opening of Eine Kleine.....

"Ouch, my head, it really hurts quite bad"

October 15, 2006 at 08:30 PM · not a-gain,

I hate this bloody piece.

Why did Mo,

write it down for us all.

Each time..

I play this work.

I feel a silly berk

I want to run run althe way to,

run run all the way to,

run run all the way to maine...

I--- need---

Calming down,

calmng down.

I'm off to smoke some weed.

October 15, 2006 at 10:39 PM · Beginning of Saint Saens 3

Jesus Christ help me,

let me play this f&*&in B!

October 15, 2006 at 11:28 PM · tchaik 4 last mvmt

everybody loves mrs murphy

everybody loves mrs murphy

everybody mrs. murphy

and so on.

October 15, 2006 at 11:50 PM · Alternate Tchaik 4 last mvt:

Koussevitzky's Wife Had a Baby...

October 16, 2006 at 01:31 AM · Tchaik 5 -- "Where is the key to the bath room? Where is the key to the bath room?"

"Oh Come Little Children" in Suzuki Book 1

"Oh come little turtle, what's under your shell? I know what you're hiding, you're desperate to tell. "

Enjoy!

Daniel

October 16, 2006 at 12:24 PM · Maura: I also love the Bartok 4th Quartet. It is my absolute favorite string quartet. That's why I can joke about it.

Cordially, Sandy

October 16, 2006 at 01:20 PM · I've heard that the old Tanglewood words to that Tchaik 4 theme are "Everybody loves Koussevitzky..."

3rd mvt of Dvorak VC:

"I love Bratislava,

The Vltava,

Mighty Praha

and the misty Karpat!"

Was going through my head all last night...curse this thread. "Karpat" means the Carpathian Mountains btw, it was all I could think of that fit. :)

October 21, 2006 at 02:23 PM · Opening theme, Bartok Violin Concerto (and I love this piece, too):

"Stick'em up,

And give me

Your money..."

-------------

Paganini Perpetual Motion:

"This is really hard

Because I can't play it this fast,

It's giving me a finger ache

Which I can see is going to last.

So why did Paganini write

All of these tiny little notes.

I think he's looking for a fight

But he won't get all of our votes.

---------

:) Sandy

October 21, 2006 at 03:46 PM · Hi guys,

love them all!

There's a set of lyrics to the slow mvt of Tchaik 5...perhaps not appropriate for this site about a rather friendly lady :)

G

October 22, 2006 at 02:57 AM · A Second Freelancer's Carol

(Sung to the tune - obviously - of "God Rest Ye")

God rest ye weary fid-illers

upon this Christmas day

The whole past month it's been so hard to

play and play and play

No peace, no respite from the grind of

Handel and Tchaikov-

sky for too many Nutcrackers and

Messiahs we find that

Nutcrackers and Messiahs can

grate on the mind

Come let us tune our violins

before our strings get torn

We're due to play a Midnight Mass

and finish in the morn'

The sun will rise as we get home

to set out for the next

gig and sleep is a luxury that we

cannot afford,

and sleep is a luxury that we cannot afford

Oh how we do love to complain when

working way too much

Oh how far worse come January's

cold and gigless touch

It's not that we don't love what we are dedicated to

But some evenness in our season would

be welcome too

and some evennness in our season would

be welcome, too!

October 24, 2006 at 11:41 AM · The beginning theme of the 3rd movement of the Beethoven Violin Concerto:

Skip down then u-up

Skip down then u-up

When will this madness end?

When Ludwig heard it

When Ludwig heard it

He started a new trend

The fiddle hic ups

The fiddle hic ups

The tune will not unbend

Once more with feeling

Once more with feeling

Don’t let this madness end

October 24, 2006 at 05:49 PM · From the pit of the Vienna Opera, as sung to me in 1982 by the daughter of one of the turn-of-the century stars Arthur Fleischer: the words to the Marriage of Figaro (written out in pseudo-Wiener dialect). I imagine that they could even have their roots in the 18th century--who knows?

Noodl'n hab'n ma heut

Macaroni Noodl'n hab'n mir morgen um die Zeit

Nach der Macaroni Noodl'n

Hab'n wir ein Apfelstrudel

So ein Fest is unser grosste freut

(translation)

We're having noodles today

We're having macaroni noodles tomorrow at the same time

After the macaroni noddles

we'll have an Apple Strudel

Such a feast is our greatest joy

October 24, 2006 at 05:53 PM · Mozart Symphony No. 40, 1st movement:

"It's a bird, it's a plane, no it's Mozart..."

last movement:

"Mozart's stuck in the bathroom. Let him out! Let him out! Let him out!"

October 24, 2006 at 07:05 PM · Torreador's song from Bizet's Carmen

Torreador, O don't spit on the floor

Use the cuspidor, thats what its for.

Thats an old timer

Ted Kruzich

January 15, 2008 at 04:48 PM · Second theme of Paganini's 1st concerto, beautifully sung by Emil over the phone at three in the morning last night (don't ask!):

"I can't play Paganini,

And I hope no one can tell.

If I f*@$ up in the ca-deeeeen-za

My career is shot to hell."

January 15, 2008 at 04:02 PM · Aw crap and now I see he already posted it back when this thread was active. Sorry!

January 15, 2008 at 07:53 PM · Saint-Saens cello concerto, 1st movement opening:

This is the Saint-Saens concerto I play everyday, I hate it!

January 16, 2008 at 01:56 PM · Wow - I forgot all about this thread!

The following is sung to the tune of "I Feel Pretty" from West Side Story:

I FEEL HUNGRY

[protagonist]

I feel hungry

Oh so hungry

It’s alarming how hungry I feel

So I think I

Will have me a very great big meal

La…

Am I picky?

Not so picky

I will eat anything that’s in sight

I just pity

Anyone who asks me for a bite

La…

[Greek chorus]

Who’s that big fat man in that restaurant there?

Who what where?

He’s the one who’s

Ordering super size

Fatty, fatty man

Doesn’t understand

Costing us a grand

Must take him in hand

Must take him in hand!

[prot.]

I feel bloated

Very bloated

I’m so bloated I’ve floated away

I will show it

With my very great big waist today

La…

Now I’m farting

So much farting!

I am farting with all of my might

I just pity

Anyone who gets too close tonight

La…

[G. C.]

Who’s that big fat man with that belly there?

Who what where?

I think that he will explo-o-ode

What is to be done?

Fatty, fatty one

Weighing at a ton

We had better run

We had better run!

[prot.]

Now I’m sated

And elated

I rejoice in how sated I feel

For I’ve had…

For I’ve had a wonderful meal!

January 16, 2008 at 03:47 PM · coincidently enough, Heifetz's daughter produced a tiny volume of these things. It not only had the words and the name of the piece but the musical quotation as well. The book was entitled Bach to Verse!

March 29, 2010 at 12:11 PM ·

Here's a new one I just made up.

What if Beethovem were alive today and were asked to write something for television? Perhaps a police show, like "Cops"? Maybe, sung to the tune of the opening of the Immortal 5th, it might go something like this:

 

 

OPEN THE DOOR!

(pause)

IT’S THE POLICE!

(pause)

 

Open the door

Open the door

Open it now!

 

If you refuse

We’ll break it down

And with a POW!

 

We’ve got a warrant

Your name is on it

OPEN THE DOOR

RIGHT

NOW!

(pause)

 

Open the door

Open the door

Open the door

Open it now

 

If you refuse

If you refuse

We’ll break it down

And with a POW

 

We’ve got a warrant

Your name is on it

We’ll put the handcuffs on

Our guns are drawn

Don’t make us shoot

Give up the loot –get

 

down onto the floor

Open the door

Open the door

The SWAT team’s on the scene

They’re really mean

They’ll shoot at you

Right through the spleen the

 

 choppers getting closer now

It ends some way it ends somehow the

DOOR

NOW!

 

 

 

March 29, 2010 at 01:59 PM ·

Words cannot express how much I love this thread!!  I'm glad it was resurrected.  Since there's already been an occasional bit of a Christmas carol theme, I'll contribute one of my Groundhog Day carols.  Tune:  Deck the Halls.

ALL EYES TURN TOWARD PUNXATAWNEY.  (Fa-la-la-la-la, La-la-la-la)

GAZING ON A GROUNDHOG SCRAWNY.  (Fa-la-la-la-la, La-la-la-la)

WILL THE WEATHER HE FORETELL?  (Fa-la-la, Fa-la-la, La-la-la)

NOT TIL ICEBERGS FORM IN HELL!  (Fa-la-la-la-la, La-la-la-la)

March 29, 2010 at 02:43 PM ·

Strange how some of these words seem to be universal - Daniel, your version of Tchaik 5 seems a little bowdlerized - the version I heard was "Who's got the key to the s***house". Similar vein.

Mendelssohn Hebrides Overture - I heard a version of "How lovely the sea is". After doing it on a tour and (too) frequently in our schedule, the preferred version was "Thank God when it's over"

Some of them are supposed to originate with conductors. In the third movt of Tchaik 6, the big tune comes fff after all the runs up and down - letter Y in imslp (http://imslp.info/files/imglnks/usimg/9/94/IMSLP00568-Tchaikovsky_-_Symphony_No_6_Op_74_-_Third_movement.pdf) I heard that Sir Thomas Beecham got across to his orchestra how he wanted it played with the words "I'm off for a week in Paris, and I'm leaving the wife behind Ba-Ba-Ba-Boom".

 

March 30, 2010 at 05:07 PM ·

Gee, I always heard that the theme in Tchaikovsky 5, especially when it comes back yet again when you thought the 4th movement had just ended, was;

IIII"ve heard e-nough of Tchaikovsky!

Then there's the waltz tune in the third movement of that symphony: "Used to be a virgin, now I am a w#%re, used to get it nightly, now I get it more."

I can't play or listen to that symphony without those two sets of lyrics in my head!

March 30, 2010 at 08:53 PM ·

What is the link Between Beethoven and a banana...  ; )    Hint: begining of his 5th symphony...

Ba na na naaaaa............

 

Here it is with words I imagined for the rest

 

Ba na na naaaaaa.....

in py ja ma........

don't run away my ba na na you're my breakfast

I want you here in my tommy for energy

give me a five                    (or could be "give me a chance")

keep me alive

 

Well just an attempt in terms of banana lyrics!!!

Anne-Marie

 

March 30, 2010 at 10:05 PM ·

Another attempt: Beginning of the Bach A min concerto 1st mvt  (violin part)    (articulate as when Oistrakh plays and even more funny while listining to the music!)

 

Oh no,

I sliped

and fell in the stairs   o-ver   my   vi-o-la

but I don't care

it was a spare

and no big deal

don't think I'll cry

and I can   al-ways    get    a-no-ther    one at dollar store

 

 

; )  sorry violists, I don't think it!

Anne-Marie

 

ps: Sander, your Brahms 3rd mvt was very funny!!!  An Raphael, your police thing as well!!!

March 31, 2010 at 06:10 AM ·

Oh no! We're playing Spring!
Oh God, we're playing Spring!!!!
But my sheet is labeled Autumn

Vivaldi, of course...

March 31, 2010 at 04:48 PM ·

Franz Schubert, unfinished Symphony, 1st Movement, Cello-Tune from Bar 44:

Frieda,

wo kommst Du her?

wo gehst Du hin?

wann kommst Du wieder?

 

I like this thread, greetings, Martin

 

 

 

March 31, 2010 at 05:54 PM ·

The Mendelshon violin concerto 3 rd mvt (violin part) when the fast theme starts

 

I'm Tiffany the little bee and you won't be able to catch me

you can try, you can try, you can tryyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy

I'm Tiffany the little bee and you won't be able to catch me

yes I will, yes I will, yes I wiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiillllllllllllllllllllll

 

 

I find this is an appropriate image to have in one's head for this piece!!!

I love this thread too!

Anne-Marie

March 31, 2010 at 09:22 PM ·

And later in the Mend. 3rd mvt. when it first modulates into B major, in dotted rhythm:

French fried potatoes

French fried potatoes

And ketchup would do very nicely

if it isn't over spicy

 

Shall I continure with my Beethoven?

March 31, 2010 at 09:36 PM ·

My mother's Toreador march:

Save the potatoes, save the little spuds;

they are our pals, they are our buds;

Pleeeeease -- don't peel and slice them into fries--

can't you see the tears in their eyes?

Oh show some kindness to

these helpless things:

Please order onion rings.

 

 

March 31, 2010 at 10:41 PM ·

lol!!!!!!

The first time the violin plays the theme in Lalo first mvt (D D A... etc)  Be aware, this is a doctor's recommandation...

 

You need pruuuuuunes, right away it's an order mister

Understaaannnnd otherwise you know what you'll need a sup-po-si-tooooory, and I swear that will feel quite itchyyyyyyy ...

and you'll ne-ver be       nau-ghty a-      gain  with me hein,      take your       piles-of-fruit   every day

and ne     ver-for-get    to   drink  wa-ter   cause     you-will-come    here    a-gain...

 

; ) 

Anne-Marie

          

 

April 4, 2010 at 07:31 PM ·

Alas, so many are unrepeatable. :)

This was our best rhyme from Meadowmount summer of '07 (tune of 'Winter Wonderland'):

Here we are, tryin' to practice,

I would raaaaa-ther kiss a cactus...

 

For anyone who has been practicing a certain piece a little too much lately:

"Tchai KOV SKYYY could play the pi-AAAA-no well, but

THIS LOOONNNG con-cer-to is a LIIIII-vi-i-ing hell!"

December 21, 2011 at 08:27 PM · A Third Freelancer's Carol

(sung to the tune of Hark the Angels)

Every day another concert

Just when will we get a break?

Every day another venue

But the money in we'll rake!

Tchaikovsky, Handel's Messiah

Christmas carols (no De Falla)

Travelling we far and wide

Spreading cheer the countryside

(repeat)

Take the Turnpike or the Parkway

It will be a fateful trip

After many a fine concert

Some eggnog we'd like to sip

Gather we many a squirell nut

Come Janu-ary a gig rut

All in all it's not so bad

Music makes the heart grow glad

(repeat)

December 23, 2011 at 07:48 PM · Opening, Viotti 22nd Concerto:

Eeeccchhh!!!....

I like to play Viotti,

But my tone is getting very spotty.

Without a good Amati,

This is heading for the potty.

December 26, 2011 at 10:04 PM · Just started reviewing the Khatchaturian concerto for the 1st time since studying it decades ago - and was inspired, perspired and deranged enough to come up with the following verses for the solo opening:

What am I doing?

What am I playing?

I cannot bear this

Better start praying

Someone please help me

I cannot stay here

Khatcha-tu-ri-an

giving me big fear

This is too crazy

I'm not just lazy

It is a-li-en

It is hard someone get me

Out, please help me

Someone get me out

Intervalic madness

makes me want to shout

Help, I cannot hear

these intervals I fear and

All these crazy flats and sharps

are giving me a headache - won't you

Help me, help me

Someone make me stop

All these accidentals

make my eardrums pop

Oh my violin is helping me to sin and

quickly I'm descending into madness and maelstrom!

December 29, 2011 at 09:39 PM · Tom Allen, an announcer on CBC Radio Two, sometimes adds interesting lyrics to pieces. As a result, I can always remember who wrote a particular violin concerto whose third movement starts out with the composer's name:

BRAHMS!

Johannes BRAHMS!

Or the start of the first movement of Bach's concerto for violin and oboe, BWV 1060:

My-y name is J.S. Bach

But you can call me Johann

(the oboe echoes "Johann")

A concert pianist friend can no longer play the Grieg piano concerto because someone sang to the first movement:

Jump out the window

Don't go out the door

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