I had very dark thoughts about violin since I met my teacher and started learning from him.
Since the first day, he did a thing I still remember.
Whenever I made a mistake, he would grab his own violin and copy what I've done in a hurtful grotesque manner. This cut my consciousness deep.
I told him his actions hurt me, and he promised to think over it. It seems he improved his behavior, but today happened something that made me think if it's worth it.
Today I came to another lesson and I realized I couldn't grab the violin because of an odd feeling. It was something like guilt. I felt that before while trying to play by myself. I couldn't play a single note. I left the facility without making any needed contribution.
I promised to my teacher I will come back next week but I'm not so sure about it now. I'm thinking about quitting violin because I get memories about lessons stuck in my head even when I don't play. On the other hand, it feels like I'll betray myself since I wanted to play the violin my entire life and right now I got the possibility and it was taken from me.
I would like to hear your suggestions on how I can continue studying without feeling pain.
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