I'm a 16 year old violinist who has been playing for two years (since I was 14). I started playing as a hobby, but slowly I began to get more and more serious about violin, especially when presented with opportunities to play in my performing arts high school's orchestra and the local youth orchestra. Within two years of increasing and crazy dedication, I made it into the 1st violins of my schools mastery orchestra, and was co-principal second in the intermediate orchestra, 1st violins in one youth orchestra, and 2nd violins in the other. I have put sooo much time, dedication, and money (specifically by getting a job to pay for my lessons with the local concertmaster, and to pay for my violin ($2000+), and have had to deal with the discouragement, and down bringing of my family and "friends" who have told me I am wasting my time and that I wont make it. I'm trying to be resilient, but it's hard when your the only one supporting your cause. So here is where the problem is, I have practiced soo much this summer and school is coming up, and so are auditions for all state, youth orchestra, string quartet, school orchestra, and etc. and I have been pushing myself hard to make sure I prove those people wrong, and prove myself right. I want to be Concertmaster or 2nd chair in my local youth orchestras, make it into allstate, and get into all of my other dream performing ensembles, but when im practicing, i feel as if im getting nowhere, I get sooo frustrated with my self, and i feel so horrible and worried at the fact that my dreams and plans wont come true or will fail, and I feel as if it will have all been for nothing. My main motivation is to prove everyone wrong, and to get ahead of some people (specifically this girl who has played since she was 6 and has made all state several times, and has all the positions i aspire for, i understand its a stretch but i like to believe hardwork can get me there). I don't know what to do at this point. I need suggestions, advice, anything. Are my goals and expectations to unrealistic? My problems i say i have specifically (based off practicing some etudes and excerpts)
-solidity in my fingering and making sure my fingers dont slip and keep with the rhythm
- my shifting, and shifiting to different positions from different strings
-confusion on a practice method or routine (as what should my routine consist of)
- putting pieces together after simplified and slowed practicing,
I'm currently working out of Mazas, Sevcik, Schradiek, Suzuki, Hrimaly
Are my expectations and dreams to unrealistic? Do I stand a chance at making all the ensembles? Am I on the right track, and is what aim going through normal? Can I ever become a concertmaster in the near future? I just want this, or something to go right in my musical life right now...
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