After a long hiatus (well, it was me and the violin, but no teacher), I am about to restart lessons with a new teacher. I am super excited, since this is something I have wished for a long time, to take lessons again.
But I am also quite anxious. I am the "but I was able to play this correctly at home"-type. I think I "want" too much. Of course my new teacher will have to assess my playing, and this makes me nervous. I don't want to embarrass myself, I want to show that I am not a complete noob, that I practice very regularly and diligently. "What if my nerves ruin it?" "What if he thinks I'm lazy when I am yet again not able to to show that I have practiced every day?" "What if he thinks I shouldn't play the violin at all and teaching me is a waste of time?" We Germans have a neat expression for these what-if-movies that play in my head, we call it rather literally "Kopfkino" - "mind cinema", and in my case I'm afraid it's a horror movie.
I feel rather silly about this and think maybe it is an adult-learner thing. But how am I to deal with my nerves, how am I to overcome this anxiety of failure -which makes me tense in the first place? How to break this vicious circle? Or rather, how can I manage to get over this wish to "prove" myself rather than relax and just play?
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