Featuring doormat-quality interior lining that will virtually never wear out even if you walk on it daily, the shell is guaranteed to bounce back to its original shape even if flattened by an automobile passing over it, Hummers included.
Style is likewise paramount: the most original feature is in fact the cover-less exterior that will collect scratches on an entirely random basis to create, with time, a truly unique work of art, each one original and different.
Humidity control is achieved through a mouthpiece that you can breathe into when your iPhone or Android device receives a “dry air” text alert coming from the case itself (visit our website to download the app). A small compartment can house hot coals for winter heating, featuring an ingenious cinder trap that you can inconspicuously empty onto your neighbor’s driveway before entering your house, and in a pinch it can barbecue a filet mignon in less than 15 minutes.
Theft of the case and the violin it contains is deterred by metal spikes, studded with industrial grade diamonds, that automatically come out of the handle should the embedded software not recognize your fingerprint (don’t wear gloves!), and tracking of the stolen case is facilitated by its releasing a smokescreen that can be visible for miles and is guaranteed to attract the attention of not only the police, but also the Federal Aviation Administration.
So many ground-breaking features obviously have a price, but we are happy to introduce qualifying clients to Joe “King Kong” Pesci of Great White Financial Services in Hoboken, New Jersey, and their international affiliates, for financing at very competitive rates, so competitive in fact that you’ll discover that you simply can’t refuse.
As the French say, “poisson sans boissons c’est poison” (rough translation: eating fish without good wine is awful).
I'm delighted to see such an innovative case that protects the violin within, even when flattened by an automobile. May I suggest "KalApr" as an appropriate trademark in honor of its date of inception.
May I suggest a few modifications. Whist the handle sounds innovative, I think you have overlooked that it should also spontaneously detach itself from the case. You could apply this model to the hinges too.
Then, when the violin hits the ground, it can go BAM.
I would buy this, cash in hand at whatever price, but there is no indication of the case being able to store a wine bottle (at proper wine storage temps and humidity [for both red and whites]) and I would need my fillet mignon done in 10 minutes. Cant have a nice steak like that without a good bottle of wine all while on the go!
and there is no indication that this case will make my violin sound like an real strad. :(
Pisces 2.0 my friend, have patience...
Is it on sale for today only, April 1st?
Sign me up!
More ideas for 2.0...
Your heating system for this modern case is very old school. In this time of climate change etc, you need to look at alternative, non fossil fuel based, systems of heating.
I think recycling is the answer. I believe that spent fuel from a nuclear reactor continues to emit heat for thousands of years. Incorporating a small amount of this material into these cases, would not only keep the violin warm, but would prevent an infestation of potentially damaging insects. The exception being of course cockroaches as these can survive low level radiation. Soaking the case in DDT will cover this possibility, and provide long term protection.
I don't want to blow my own trumpet so to speak, but you NEED me on your design team for future releases. I have many more ideas such as my pocket sized folding case and the hang-glider case (part glider part case), but as this is a public forum, I don't wish to discuss them here as there may be issues with intellectual property, patents etc. Send me a PM by midnight tonight, with a very generous offer, and I will consider it.
If we ignore the precession, the Sun is passing through the constellation of ARIES.
I'm sure this case will end up having a waiting list even longer than Baker's Rosin!
The only bit I believe it the hot air part...
As time has expired on my superlative offer, I have reluctantly taken my genius to another case manufacturer, German Extrusions Without Artistry.
I have offered them my idea of reinforcing their cases with bubblegum to increase the strength by 150%. We are still in talks...
Well, I hope you speak good Mandarin! ;-)
Lugging instruments around is a pain.
Dimitri, would you please make us a flying "drone" case, which will deliver the instrument to us at our destination?
We won't need cases - nor luthiers either - soon. What with 3D printing we can carry our violins, violas and even double basses in our USB key (as many variants as we like) and simply 3D print them at our destination. The instrument is then recycled for printer pulp after use.
USB-stick? You mean I can't just access my violin in the cloud?
violin in the cloud, has a certain ring to it. Who knows, maybe del Gesu would make a few adjustmnents while it was up there...
Forget the fancy case and the drone, we need a transporter like Star Trek so we could zap ourselves and our instruments directly to our destination.
Now I must say that I really like the drone idea. When I was a kid, I built model airplanes. Now I could do the same as an adult without looking silly.
What is this cloud of which you speak, it sounds like witchcraft!
"Forget the fancy case and the drone, we need a transporter like Star Trek so we could zap ourselves and our instruments directly to our destination."
Weren't there occasional transporter errors on Star Trek?
What will you do if your violin arrives as a trombone?
Or as a viola...
The horror ... the horror....
Love this idea! Just one added suggestion for security: a moat filled with piranha! Or small violas!
Could the violin be made of the same material as this new case, so it would recover its shape after the HMV has drive over it?
..and the bit about small violas was not very nice!
OK - BIG violas! (They do bite, you know!)
Even the non-carnivorous ones?
Pisces 2.0 (viola version)... spikes fitted to the inside alla iron maiden!
I don't know of any non-carnivorous violas. In fact, their bites are very toxic with sometimes strange and unforeseen effects. Once a viola bit me - and turned me into a newt!!!
Viola version for next Apr. 1, folks!
Danged flesh-eating violas. It's hard to know what the level of danger is before it's too late.
Sometimes I'll offer a viola a choice between a carrot and a steak, just to see how it reacts. Can't be too careful, ya know.
Yes, and fortunately, I got better from that newt thing! (And extra credit and bragging rights to the first person who says what movie I stole that bit from!)
Brave sir Raphael -- that would be The Holy Grail!
We have a winner!!!
I just knew that Hollywood would have caught onto this thread by now...
The TV program has already been made:
Elise, one wonders why Hamilton Burger never just gave up. I mean, with an adversary like P.M. he simply could NOT win a ...case.
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April 1, 2014 at 02:46 PM · No kidding?!!! ;)